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jillybelly 02-24-2004 05:54 PM

feel horrible
I told my friends, family, doctor, and even the cops, all about Donald and how he abused me and harrassed me after I broke up with him.

But now, I'm lonely, scared, and have lost all desire for anything. I haven't done homework in ages... I'm falling so far behind I just don't even want to think about catching up. I saw a doctor today, asked him to up my effexor because I'm so depressed and my mind is all boggled... He wouldn't do it because I'm "only 17" and he doesn't believe in medicating pediatrics...

My head is so full of everything that I don't even think anymore. I'm stuck on survival mode, and only once in a while do I wake up enough to smile. Everybody is getting mad at me, especially my teachers...

I just want to melt into the ground and never come back up.

Oh, and if it couldn't get worse... I found out that after my boyfriend who hit me and threatened me, controlled me and insulted me, after I left him I found out he was sleeping around on me. Two of the girls we hung out with... Whenever I wasn't around he was sleeping with them. And that was a lot lately because of my asthma...

Now I've got to get checked out for STD's because those girls are very premiscious (god i've got no idea how to spell that)... Yeah, so he stalked me, and harassed me, even wrote letters to me because he "wanted me back" so bad... and yet he was ************* other girls...

I hate my life. I feel horrible, worthless, ugly... I know, my friends call me pretty, the guys in my school all flirt with me... but it's not the same... It's never the same when the guy you're with treats you like dirt. He said he loved me... he only loved himself. And yet... my mind tells me I'm an ugly worthless piece of dirt.

I want my mom :(

skibabe 02-24-2004 10:27 PM

Re: feel horrible
i just wanted to tell u i basically feel the same way. me and my bf have been together 4 years and now all of a sudden he doesnt want me anymore ....well in his words..."i dunno what i want". i mean he has never hit me or anything but still i feel like sh!+. i dunno what to do bc i love him so much and dont want to lose him. we have broken up once b4 but of course got back together.the whole time we were "apart" i couldnt eat or sleep, people would force me to eat and then i would just throw up.the thought of not having him just made me sick. right now i just feel like my life is pointless. i know i cant live without him. i just dont know what to do anymore. P.S. im 19. :( :(

The only name not taken 02-24-2004 10:33 PM

Re: feel horrible
Ok, I'll try to address in order I read it...

First of all - ****! your teachers. If they give you any **** tell them to shove it, they can go to hell.
If they know whats going on with you, and still give you trouble, talk to anyone of their superiours and they will be screwed totaly!

AS for the drugs, I dont think you should just keep bumpin them up - Your doctors right. You said you wanted them cos you cant think straight? Theres alot of remedies for that. They might sound stupid, but things like Meditation, and alot of the Chinese/Japanese arts are great for stress realease, and allow you to think straight again.

With your old B/F. Anyone you talk to, I will ASSURE, id going to say the same thing. He is everything a guy shouldn't be. Trust me, no one on earth will take his side, because he's just a piece of ****.

I dont know why you beat your self up over what he said and did. If he wants to treat people like he does, he's gonna have a seriously **** life, and probably a seriously short one too.

You on the other hand, you'll be fine. You say people think your pretty. WHY would they say that if it wasn't true? You might think they are just saying it to make you feel better, but think about. Your friends are good enough to say what they really feel, and guys even at your age still have a hard time handing out a compliment like that.

You were with the worst thing life has to offer. Really, it can only get better from here. He said he loved you, he didn't mean, so what? Does that make you any less of a person? NO. It only means he's a ****n manipulative *******.

Try and put the whole thing behind you. If theres one thing you can take away from it. Its that there are some seriously selfish people out there, make the most of those who aren't.


jillybelly 02-25-2004 07:21 AM

Re: feel horrible
Thanks for that. I definitly needed it. I just don't know why I'm so lost. I couldn't go to school this morning. I just couldn't handle it... all of the people, all of the stress... My dad almost flipped. He kept calling me irresponsible, and said if I was tired that was my fault and I've got to learn how to get up on my own...?

ARGHHH!!!!!!!!! I just hate this. I've always been so level headed... now I feel like I can't even tie my shoes. I wish it would all go away. This doesn't seem at all normal to me...

I think it's so dumb because my mind is thinking the right things, my mind totally realizes that he was a jerk... but he was the only person I could talk to. I had no other friends of family that I would confide in, or that would cheer me up. No I'm totally alone and my stupid little heart knows it. I'm only functioning on habit right now. I don't even want to take my pills this morning... :(

supertrooper 02-25-2004 08:25 AM

Re: feel horrible
What's effexor? What kind of doctor are you seeing?

supertrooper 02-25-2004 10:00 AM

Re: feel horrible
I don't think your teachers are "mad" at you. I think they are frustrated because they see a beautiful intelligent girl with a future crawling into a hole of depression. They may empathize with you but how can they give you good grades when you can't even get out of bed? Your ex has ruined the present time for you, don't let him ruin your future.

Your dad clearly doesn't understand what you are going thru. He is as frustrated as anyone. He just has no clue how to help you.

Your friends here on this board have done all we can to get you to the point where you were able to get rid of your ex. Now you need the healing that therapy, combined with proper medication, can provide. You are depressed. Drugs alone will not solve that. I'm assuming you are seeing a "regular" doctor. Most aren't equipped to properly deal with all aspects of depression. (Take a deep breath.) You need to ask him to refer you to a psychiatrist. It won't be easy, but it's neccessary.

eightball61 02-25-2004 11:34 AM

Re: feel horrible
BEfore thing get worse why don't you go see a Dr. for possible counseling sessions. These can help you out through a tought and they do work. Please don't take matters into your hands let people help you.

supertrooper 02-28-2004 05:04 AM

Re: feel horrible
jillybelly, I just read your post to the other girl with the same problem.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! :bouncing:

Keep going down this path. Sombody famous once said "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." You are going to come out of this very strong. :angel:

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