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df14 03-06-2004 08:48 PM

Need Advice on an Ex-Girlfriend who still likes me
We went out for about 9 months, and I broke up with her in September. It's been 6 months since, I've never led her on and made it clear that I had no interest in getting back together, but she still hasn't moved on. Normally, the advice would be just to break all contact with her, but it's one of those situations where we're both in the same group of friends (dead giveaway that we're in high school) and I don't want to ditch my friends just for the sole purpose of spending less time with her. She's somebody I still care tons about.

She has depression and is currently in the process of being treated for that. She's flat out told me that if I were to get another girlfriend, she would commit suicide. I know it's not good to get blackmailed like that, but if she did, I'd be devastated.

Any advice for this general situation I have? Thanks in advance...

joew889 03-06-2004 09:20 PM

Re: Need Advice on an Ex-Girlfriend who still likes me
Well it sounds tough, but the best thing for both of you is just break as much contact with her as possible. Eventually she will move on in life. Maybe for the next few months try and do activities that you KNOW she will not be around.

Ninispjc 03-06-2004 11:48 PM

Re: Need Advice on an Ex-Girlfriend who still likes me
Studies show that young girls are much more devastated by their first break up than boys are, generally speaking, so hopefully it's just something she'll struggle with but eventually get over. It's good that she's being treated for depression. It's most likely her family, friends and her doctor all know her feelings of suicide, but if you run into a mutual friend, you may want to mention that she said something about possibly hurting herself. But that's really all you can do. Hopefully you were honest with her not just about why you didn't want to be with her anymore, but honest about everything throughout your relationship. But even if you were a jerk to her, it's ultimately her responsibility to move on and survive this. It's possible she won't, but if you were as honest and as kind and respectful as you could have been, then there's not much more you can do.

ErimusValidus 03-07-2004 05:11 PM

Re: Need Advice on an Ex-Girlfriend who still likes me
Dude, I don't know all the ins and outs but having been on the recieving end of a breakup myself, through which I have sometimes felt suicidal, I know this much: if you never speak to her again it won't help her, it will probably hurt more. It's not the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff she really wants back, it's just the basic friendship. Just try being her friend but *never* give her any ideas that you might like to get back with her. It's complicated but although it will hurt her to speak to you just as a friend and not as her boyfriend, that will be better than never being able to speak to you at all.

I'm not saying she will commit suicide if you cut her out entirely, but if you show her that you can still be friends (although you should definitely avoid actual contact as much as possible since this is extremely unbearable for her) her pain will ease slowly and she will move on gradually. I know this because it's what I'm doing now. I was dumped by my ex over a year ago and continued to kid myself that we would one day get back together for months. I can't explain it exactly but, despite knowing that it would never work again and how cool a new relationship would be, I still hanker after her sometimes. That's how powerfully love resonates, I suppose.

But in spite of vowing I would never look at another girl again because my ex was all I ever wanted I'm finally moving on. Just last night I was with a new girl and it didn't feel wierd or upsetting as I always thought it would - it just felt cool to not be that guy anymore. I'm such an amateur I neglected to get her number, though :D Something will click in your ex like it has in me and she will just stop stressing over you and find someone new. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time and luck. Try to find the right balance between encouraging your ex to get over you and crushing her even more. It's tricky but it really is possible. If it weren't for my ex telling me it's what I needed to do then I would still be doing my Romeo act after her.

CazzerKat217 03-07-2004 05:26 PM

Re: Need Advice on an Ex-Girlfriend who still likes me
Coming from a girl herself- i wholeheartedly agree with what jhart said. One of my ex's chose not to speak to me much right after the breakup and i was devastated! He wasn't leading me on or anything, but once we started talking again a lot I was fine. Then he stopped talking to me again out of the blue and yet again I was devastated. Just try to be as normal of friends as you can with her, but, as said before, don't lead her on to think you guys will date again unless it is a possibility. That's my two cents, good luck!

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