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  • Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

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    Old 05-03-2004, 12:25 PM   #1
    Will M.
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    Thumbs down Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    I seem to have one problem after another, sorry.

    There's this girl that I've liked since the beginning of the school, and about a month ago, I gave her a letter that told her how I felt. Now don't over react, it was nice, gentile, letter, and she even told me she liked it with a big smile on her face. A relationship won't come out of it, but we agreed with a friendship, that I would be just as happy with.

    But now, she seems to have ups and downs... Like today, we were joking around like other friends would do and having fun, but then after school, she was very shy, and avoided eye contact with me. Today, I asked her if she wanted to come with me and some friends(who are her friends too) to a movie Wednesday, and she just shrugged, and didn't answer, so I said, "you can't come?" and she said quietly "I don't know..."

    She's always been shy, but it's increased, since the letter, which I thought would bring a closer friendship, because that was one of the key points it was asking for.

    There are only two weeks left in school. What can I do, to build a stronger friendship, and help her be less insecure, so that we can be friends over the summer and next year? Should I talk to her about it, or something? It's frustrating...

     
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    Old 05-03-2004, 12:58 PM   #2
    triggert
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    Any girl I've ever shard my feelings with in the end, has always ended up acting backward around me. I guess it makes them uncomfortable or something. I myself do not understand because on one hand they want us to be more open with our feelings but then they do they get all up tight. Pisses me off really. Sorry I wasn't much help but I just wanted to let you know that I've had the same problems.

    Trigg

     
    Old 05-04-2004, 07:28 AM   #3
    Kylie1
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    I've been in the girl's position before. A guy I was friends with confessed his feelings for me and they were unrequited but we agreed to be friends.

    After I started getting really uncomfortable when we were together. If we were with other people it was fine, but if he asked me if I wanted to do something with him or if we were alone I would feel really uncomfortable.

    He would keep persisting me and asking me to do stuff and I would lie to get out of it. Then he'd get annoyed with me. Long story short, we don't even talk anymore.

    I think I felt uncomfortable because it's a really weird feeling knowing that someone sees you as more than a friend when that's all you want to be.

    I think you should let her know that you are spending time with her because you want to be JUST friends, not because you are hoping or forcing something to happen between the two of you. Find a good way to word it though. Maybe write her another letter?

     
    Old 05-04-2004, 10:41 AM   #4
    Will M.
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    It's kind of the opposite with her. When we're in a group of people she seems to be really uncomfordable, but if it is just me and her, and maybe a close friend nearby she's really cool and out-going. She said today she could probably come to the movie tomorrow. It won't just be me and her, three other people are going. I no longer want a relationship though, but she doesn't no that. It may sound crazy but I think she is too special to risk loosing in a relationship. Hopefully, if she comes, she'll see I'm just like any other friend.

     
    Old 05-04-2004, 07:33 PM   #5
    slamdunkergrl13
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    I have to agree with the other girl. My best friend told me his feelings and after that he thought it was ok to try to kiss me and hold me and stuff. I would have been fine with him liking me but not with all the pressure. But it doesnt sound like you are pressuring her. Maybe she is embarassed that her and your friends will think that there is really something goin on if you two are seen together in a group with the other people. I dont honestly know why she would act this way. I guess the only reason to know for sure would be to ask her if you really wanted a straightforward answer. You may also want to tell her about just bein friends and no relationship. That may relax her a little. But in the end just do what your heart tells you ~Lil Kj

     
    Old 05-05-2004, 04:15 PM   #6
    Will M.
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    Hey, she ended up coming to the movies with us, which was really fun. She was relaxed and outgoing, so I feel better. She is generally a shy person, but hopefully, she'll be more relaxed around me. Oh, and also we're going canoeing in a week, with some more friends and she's coming! Yay! Things are getting better!

     
    Old 05-05-2004, 07:52 PM   #7
    triggert
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    Why to go man. I hope things continue to work out between you and her.

    Trigg

     
    Old 05-15-2004, 10:22 AM   #8
    SweetAmy87
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    hi,i once had a guy friend who expressed his feelings for me. I think heres what is happening. When a guy and girl are friends, even JUST friends, there is that friendly flirtation thats just pretty much natural, and since both are only in it for friendship its not a problem. However when that guy told me he liked me and i said i just wanted to be friends and he said fine, i was less likely to be normally flirtatious or even really nice and friendly to him b/c even though i was aware of him not wanting that relationship anymore, i was afraid that if i were too nice it would lead him on and make him want one again and then it would be my fault for hurting him. Sometimes its really hard to get through it, but im sure you can. Just make sure she knows that no matter what, you will never expect more than friendship from her unless she makes that first move, that way she doesnt worry about leading you on b/c she knows your going by her direction first, so she can take it where she wants to. hope it helps, let me know what happens!

     
    Old 05-15-2004, 10:32 AM   #9
    eightball61
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Will M.
    Hey, she ended up coming to the movies with us, which was really fun. She was relaxed and outgoing, so I feel better. She is generally a shy person, but hopefully, she'll be more relaxed around me. Oh, and also we're going canoeing in a week, with some more friends and she's coming! Yay! Things are getting better!

    Good job Will... It is a good sign when she is relaxed around you. Just be yourself

     
    Old 05-15-2004, 12:45 PM   #10
    Will M.
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    Listen, I hate to blow everyone's bubble, but she's changed a lot, in a horrible way. In the begginning of the year she was so laid back, and she would be very outspoken about the clicks and trends at our school, and that's what made me go for her. But now, she's become her own enemy. She brags about getting drunk, making out with "hot guys," she has given me NO respect whatsoever, and why would I want to be friends with someone like that? I know a lot of teenaged girls go through phases like that, but until she grows up, I never want to speak to her again, I despise her, she's dead to me.

    I am so angry with her, she no longer hangs out with her old friends. Now she hangs out with rich, preppy, little ****s and now all my friends are telling me that she was never nice to them either, and they told me they were wondering when I would stop trying! Why didn't anyone tell me! Nobody even tried to stop me. I wrote that letter based off of her old self, and what I loved about her, now I wish I had never given her that letter. If I had to, I could have given that to someone who would respect me!!!

     
    Old 05-15-2004, 04:46 PM   #11
    SweetAmy87
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    Re: Why does this girl have to be insecure around me?

    well everything happens for a reason, be glad that you didnt waste anymore tiem on her than you already have.

     
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