It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Teen Health Message Board

56 year father seeking advice


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-25-2004, 07:34 PM   #1
lupin_totopeles
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Maine
Posts: 11
lupin_totopeles HB User
56 year father seeking advice

Hello. My name is Lupin and I have three wonderful boys. They are in their mid-20s. Except for my youngest who is 19. I lived with their mother, my wife, for some time. I seperated from her a year ago.

It is only this month that I have gotten re-married. Her name is Nikki and is the best woman I have ever had. The problem is she is 18. My sons were not to happy about it. They came to the wedding and are spending the summer with me as they do every year. Yet they are still mad about it.

Was I wrong to marry someone so much younger then me? My oldest Bennie said that he didn't like having a stepmom younger then him. My 19 year old is even madder and won't talk to Nikki at all.

Is normal for young people to act like this?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-25-2004, 07:45 PM   #2
ILikeRats
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 254
ILikeRats HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Yes, it is normal for them to act like this. If my father married an 18-year-old, I'd think he was nuts. (I'm 25. And, well, he would have to be crazy, because he would never do that.). Of course they are going to distance themselves from you for awhile. My opinion is you were wrong to get married to this 18-year-old and should have waited until she were at in her 20's. I hope it all works out.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 04:37 AM   #3
The only name not taken
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 687
The only name not taken HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Theres a general idea that ppl cant make decisions that drastic till they are atleast 21. Personally, I think its a total load, but society views couples of substancial age differnt warped. Couple that with the first statement and your bound to have alot of unrest.

I think if you really like, and not just being with her to feel younger, or more in control (or what ever the older male stereotype is), you shouldn't crumble to the stubborness and mayeb even jealousy of others.

In short - Do what you like for you. If your sons cant deal with your wife being younger then the yare, they wouldn't have come to stay would they? I think its just a bit of a shock to the system for them.

All this is only my oppinion. I'd suggest you read it, disregard it, and make the decision you want

GL.
__________________
[-]Better To Die On Your Feet, Then Live On Your Knees[-]

 
Old 07-26-2004, 05:47 AM   #4
ScaredKitty
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 106
ScaredKitty HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

They probably feel as if you've invaded their territory. She's their age, to them, you're old. You should be dating grey-haired, saggy, wrinkly women in their eyes, and leave the nice looking, in shape, perky ones to them.

It's also a little, disgusting. Well to them it will be. Im sure thoughts in their head are "My fathers sleeping with someone who wasnt even born until I was 1+ yrs of age" And they probably cant imagine themselves with someone your age, so they dont see how you can be with someone their age.

If she is also quite goodlooking, or good looking at all, it might just be a case of nerves and confusion. They're men, young men. Hormones run their life. And if they find any attraction what so ever to her, they're going to feel weird/wrong about it, and get angry at you for putting them in that position.

A lot of it is also probably them being selfish. Particularly on your youngest ones part. Hes probably wondering "now how am I supposed to have friends over? they'll never let this down..what if they hit on her?" etc. He's probably more concerned about how this will affect his social life than your hapiness.

they all probably think you have gone crazy. They're around young women this age more than you are, so they know what the majority of them are like in relationships, and life in general. Immature, irresponsible, self centered, wild, etc. So even though this may not be the case with your new wife, that is the general stero-type and they will wonder what you're doing being with her.

Give them space and time, and dont force her on them. Let them mull over it, and come to terms with the fact that their father is dating someone they would date, or in the case of your older two, someone too young even for them. They might not ever totally accept her, atleast not until they're older and more mature and settled in life. Be prepared though that it may never happen, which you should have known and accepted when you got into it. Good luck.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 08:25 AM   #5
eightball61
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,631
eightball61 HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by lupin_totopeles

Is normal for young people to act like this?

Younger women seek older men and older men seek younger women. This is 2004, and people today go for different races and ages. Your sons are old enough, I understand that they don't like the age difference but this is your lefe and not not thiers. They are a part of it but YOU have the last say on what you want.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 10:59 AM   #6
Ms Harriet
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 382
Ms Harriet HB User
Talking Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
Younger women seek older men and older men seek younger women. This is 2004, and people today go for different races and ages. Your sons are old enough, I understand that they don't like the age difference but this is your lefe and not not thiers. They are a part of it but YOU have the last say on what you want.


yeah younger women do go for ol;der guys but 18 and 56? id be hopping mad if my dad married an 18 year old. your sons do have a right to thier feelings, because even you have to admit, the age differance is alot! try and get your sons into some counselling and try and get them to talk about it to a neutral party. but even if after talking about it they still dont want to talk to you/her youll have to accept it because they are adults and just like you made the choice to marry this girl they can make the choice not to talk to her/you, but if that happens rememeber who youre gaining and who your giving up.

good luck

 
Old 07-26-2004, 11:10 AM   #7
eightball61
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,631
eightball61 HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirl
yeah younger women do go for ol;der guys but 18 and 56? id be hopping mad if my dad married an 18 year old. your sons do have a right to thier feelings, because even you have to admit, the age differance is alot! try and get your sons into some counselling and try and get them to talk about it to a neutral party. but even if after talking about it they still dont want to talk to you/her youll have to accept it because they are adults and just like you made the choice to marry this girl they can make the choice not to talk to her/you, but if that happens rememeber who youre gaining and who your giving up.

good luck

But this is his decision & his love life. His sons have the right to be upset and voice opinion but they have no right on thier fathers final say. Some will say its lack of respect but this is what he wants. Yes, is not often you see 56 and 18, and thats why people argue to it but when to people are in love and ok with it then that is thier life and what they want to do.

They will get a lot of people saying stuff or looking but if they can see past that then this was meant to be. His sons will eventually adapt to it. It is very uncomfirtable with having a girl around that can't drink leagally and they can but things will fall into play.

I do advise if this does tear the family up and away then he will have to think whats more important....Sons or 18 yr wife???

 
Old 07-26-2004, 12:20 PM   #8
Ms Harriet
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 382
Ms Harriet HB User
Talking Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
But this is his decision & his love life. His sons have the right to be upset and voice opinion but they have no right on thier fathers final say. Some will say its lack of respect but this is what he wants. Yes, is not often you see 56 and 18, and thats why people argue to it but when to people are in love and ok with it then that is thier life and what they want to do.

They will get a lot of people saying stuff or looking but if they can see past that then this was meant to be. His sons will eventually adapt to it. It is very uncomfirtable with having a girl around that can't drink leagally and they can but things will fall into play.

I do advise if this does tear the family up and away then he will have to think whats more important....Sons or 18 yr wife???
yeah i realize its his life and everything.....but his sons are also part of his life, and he obiously cares what they think or why would he be posting here right? just from a younger persons point of view.....if my dad married someone that was younger than me (im late teens btw) id prolly never talk to him again. its just that its hard enough when a parent re-marries but to a kid thats younger than the youngest person in the family?! sure its his life and his love life but he'll have to realize when hes 60 she'll be 22....what are most 22 year olds doing at 22...partying and that kind of stuff. also if she ever wants to have kids...well medicine is comming forth but children at 56 is a bit of a stretch. also if they have kids when hes say 60, he'll be 65 when they go to kindergarten....my grandparents are 65! and when the kid is 16 the guy will be 75! now im not saying they HAVE to have kids, heck he prolly doesnt even want them cause hes already done the dad thing but shes young and prolly in a few years she'll want them (even if she says she doesnt now, most girls prolly will change thier minds later on) so what is gonna happen when shes like honey i want kids......

i have a few ?'s....where are this girls parents? did they ok the marriage?? was there an engagment or did you just kinda "surpirse we're married" on them?

 
Old 07-26-2004, 12:48 PM   #9
lupin_totopeles
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Maine
Posts: 11
lupin_totopeles HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Nikki and I happened to meet each other because she was dating my brother Rick. (He is 40 years old), They ended up not staying together and we ended up going out. We went out for maybe a month before we got married.

Her parents don't know about me or Rick. In fact they don't keep up with their daughter at all. Her father was sick and just to abuse her in ways she won't talk about. Nikki was glad to live some place besides her parent's place.

My kids met her a few times but they had no idea how in love we were. When they got the card saying I was getting married and the date for the wedding they almost didn't believe it.

My oldest called and said it was stupid and that he wasn't comming. His brothers made him come from what I know of it. He has fought drinking problems in the past and I caught him at the bar again last night.

I don't think me getting re-married is enough reason for him to go back to drinking so bad he ends up in the AA again. Of course I really don't blame him. He is just getting over a bad marriage himself.

About a month ago he married a sixteen year old. Her parents thought they were in love so they allowed for the marriage. Not even two weeks later he caught her in bed with someone else.

So i'm expecting my oldest to be a little stressed right now.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 12:52 PM   #10
eightball61
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,631
eightball61 HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirl
yeah i realize its his life and everything.....but his sons are also part of his life, and he obiously cares what they think or why would he be posting here right? just from a younger persons point of view.....if my dad married someone that was younger than me (im late teens btw) id prolly never talk to him again. its just that its hard enough when a parent re-marries but to a kid thats younger than the youngest person in the family?! sure its his life and his love life but he'll have to realize when hes 60 she'll be 22....what are most 22 year olds doing at 22...partying and that kind of stuff. also if she ever wants to have kids...well medicine is comming forth but children at 56 is a bit of a stretch. also if they have kids when hes say 60, he'll be 65 when they go to kindergarten....my grandparents are 65! and when the kid is 16 the guy will be 75! now im not saying they HAVE to have kids, heck he prolly doesnt even want them cause hes already done the dad thing but shes young and prolly in a few years she'll want them (even if she says she doesnt now, most girls prolly will change thier minds later on) so what is gonna happen when shes like honey i want kids......

Hey supergirl ,

I understand your point of view, in my last post I did state if this tears the family up where they dont talk to him then he should double think his actions. If his sons are just acting like babies but still can forgive him then just let it be to see how it work. I am sure he cares a lot for them.

I am not hounding on your post and please dont get me wrong. I am just bringing up another view point.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 01:23 PM   #11
Ms Harriet
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 382
Ms Harriet HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
Hey supergirl ,

I understand your point of view, in my last post I did state if this tears the family up where they dont talk to him then he should double think his actions. If his sons are just acting like babies but still can forgive him then just let it be to see how it work. I am sure he cares a lot for them.

I am not hounding on your post and please dont get me wrong. I am just bringing up another view point.

oh okay lol

i am in agreement with the tearing up of family business though....

 
Old 07-26-2004, 01:34 PM   #12
eightball61
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,631
eightball61 HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirl
oh okay lol

i am in agreement with the tearing up of family business though....


So we agree....


Thats our conslusion

 
Old 07-26-2004, 09:33 PM   #13
CandyBubbles
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 19
CandyBubbles HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Are you aware of what you've done? I would be just as mad if I were in their shoes! Their senior dad marries a kid. Sounds like some really sick headline for the Enquirer. I think that if she was atleast old enough to drink at her wedding...things would be SLIGHTLY diff... I think you should think about what you've done..I mean...afterall you are old enough to be her grandfather! Sorry..but that's the honest truth...which is what you wanted correct? I am 15..and the thought of being married to a senior citizen..in just 3 years...umm..yeah..no! And the most important thing of all of this..is you lost your kids for life... you hurt their mother...whether it was mutual or otherwise...They look at you as the bad guy!
Sorry if I sounded disrespectful..or rude...but this is what I thought..and you asked..soo..



~Yvonne~
__________________
Candy Bubbles
oO
O o



~Yvonne~

 
Old 07-26-2004, 10:31 PM   #14
wizziie
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 69
wizziie HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

....that is waaaaaaaay young....wow....being a teen myslef I totally feel for ur sons....anyways...goodluck

 
Old 07-26-2004, 10:48 PM   #15
wizziie
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 69
wizziie HB User
Re: 56 year father seeking advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirl
yeah i realize its his life and everything.....but his sons are also part of his life, and he obiously cares what they think or why would he be posting here right? just from a younger persons point of view.....if my dad married someone that was younger than me (im late teens btw) id prolly never talk to him again. its just that its hard enough when a parent re-marries but to a kid thats younger than the youngest person in the family?! sure its his life and his love life but he'll have to realize when hes 60 she'll be 22....what are most 22 year olds doing at 22...partying and that kind of stuff. also if she ever wants to have kids...well medicine is comming forth but children at 56 is a bit of a stretch. also if they have kids when hes say 60, he'll be 65 when they go to kindergarten....my grandparents are 65! and when the kid is 16 the guy will be 75! now im not saying they HAVE to have kids, heck he prolly doesnt even want them cause hes already done the dad thing but shes young and prolly in a few years she'll want them (even if she says she doesnt now, most girls prolly will change thier minds later on) so what is gonna happen when shes like honey i want kids......

i have a few ?'s....where are this girls parents? did they ok the marriage?? was there an engagment or did you just kinda "surpirse we're married" on them?

If my dad married sumone that age I'd prolly neva eva talk to him again...I reckon she way too young...can't even drink yet...she got her license 2 yrs ago...even though shes not a minor anymore...18 is still too young...u sure she's mature enough for dis?....actually truthfully I think its grosse...sorry...not tryin to offen thee but shes 2 yrs older than me and married to a 56 yr old...dont blame ur sons acting the way they r...it is wierd...but goodluck n e way and hope things work out for ya...

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
22 year old caretaker... needs advice!! justhope Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 31 01-16-2009 10:51 AM
6 year old destroying things and hurting siblings daughter issues Parenting Issues 10 11-29-2008 12:23 AM
5 year old hissy fits over clothes - advice needed kelticman Parenting Issues 6 10-25-2008 07:46 PM
grown children of ptsd father: trying to cope with life aafter childhood alyson5 Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) 6 08-02-2008 07:29 AM
the boyfriend...his 2 year old... and his ex Hazel_Eyes Relationship Health 25 09-19-2007 11:46 PM
About my "father" CrimsonClover Relationship Health 12 03-07-2006 08:12 PM
Waiting for New Year's Eve Stories Hangin in There Relationship Health 61 01-15-2006 09:46 AM
Ineed help with my 80 year old father Lizbef Aging Issues 1 04-16-2004 11:58 PM
Got into a fight.. seeking medical advice. guest54321 Anger Management 5 06-10-2003 05:04 AM




Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:59 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2017 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!