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  • Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

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    Old 09-19-2004, 03:56 PM   #1
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Posts: 87
    MissJean HB User
    Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    okay well, i'm 17 & not 18 till april and i'm going to graduate in june 2005. my dad has been controlling my whole life. he thinks me hanging out with my friends is digusting and that i need to concentrate on school work AND work. it just sucks being in an asian culture and all they want for their kids is to get good grades, go to medical school, get a degree, and find a job for that occupation, THAN start dating. it sucks that i always have to sneak from my parents JUST SO i can hangout with my friends at the mall or go to the movies. my dad said the only reason why he got me a car was for me to use it to go to school, library, work, and than home only. but ever since i got my first car accident, he said i had my chance and that i blew it. because i take the car to hangout with my friends sometimes, not ALL the time.

    my mom said she won't help me pay for tutition for the college that i wanted to go. she said she'll only pay for me if i go to the college that SHE wants me to go only. so now i have to pay everything on my own. i even have to freakin pay for my OWN food. ever since i got my own room, i've been cleaning my own room, cleaning my own bathroom, do my own laundry and iron my clothes, and when i'm hungry, i cook it myself, i pack my own lunch. and now i'm paying my own bills myself and i'm working everyday for the past month so i can earn money to buy an old car and saving it up for an apartment when i graduate school.

    i can't even work at the places i want to work like applying for a job. my last job was at Limited Too in the mall and omg, it was the best place to work. but my dad made me quit cuz he said it wasn't good for me and all that and he made me work for him. working with your parents is like working with martha stewart in the kitchen. NAILS. their occupation is NAILS. i don't want to do that for the rest of my life. i'm already getting sick just working their. the fumes and stuff. i'm also startin to develope some wrist and back pains. i can't quit though. my dad will be very ****** at me. i do everything i can to make my parents happy but it seems like they want me to be happy and thinkin i'm already happy. i also have an african american boyfriend who i love so much and understands me so well. he's a country boy, lol but he knows so much things that i dont even know. his parents even care about me more than my parents care FOR ME. that's what's sad. what sucks is that my dad discriminate african americans and it just hurts he does that. he used to live in south central in california and i guess that's been stuck with him ever since with all the gang people robbing stores and his too. so i dunno what it was but my bf is very different than the ones he sees.

    i think i need counseling really bad. for me and my parents but i know my parents just going to lie about it and thinks everything i say is not "true". what should i do? i tried to tell them how i feel but they won't listen.

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    Old 09-19-2004, 05:02 PM   #2
    Join Date: Nov 2003
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    teacup26 HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    Youre not lonely , I have almost the same issue , however Im not allowed to date and work... I thought about leaving and work but its too hard and I wont have time to study..They don't listen either and my dad wanted me to leave the house at 10:00 pm one day, it was horrible (I had no money). I'm 17 as well and will be 18 in May, if you want to leave at 18 you'll have to work and manage to pay all the stuff. Good luck, Im pretty sure it will work..And go see a psychologist, it will help. Just endure 7 months , time flies fast..I might leave next summer. Have faith and keep your chin up! P.S Parents want always the best for us but they just don't understand our intentions.

    Old 09-19-2004, 08:49 PM   #3
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Posts: 87
    MissJean HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    well thank god im not the only one. i already have a job and everything and my bf has a job too and got his license and everything and were both saving our money so we can get an apartment and pay off our phone bills and car bills and stuff. i just wish my parents just want me to be happy for me and stuff but everytime i do something, they just put me down. it just sucks. i just want to have fun as in hanging out with my friends and stuff AND still go to work and go to school. but i can have all the above. i can only have 2 which is work and school. =/

    Old 09-20-2004, 05:51 AM   #4
    Join Date: Dec 2003
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    eightball61 HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    Parents are tough because they want thier child to grown and not learn any mistakes. The problem that they dont see is that if they dont give thier child space then they will never learn life and the child will be lost when they are old enough to move out.

    Old 09-20-2004, 12:03 PM   #5
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    Location: Rochester, NY USA
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    sawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    I have to say that I've always admired the asian culture due to their strict discipline and respectfulness. It is difficult for you because you are in America. If you were in your country, you would not be tempted or thinking about some of the things you are here. It is hard also for you to hear what I am going to say next...when you are on your own, you will thank your parents for teaching you how to take care of yourself. I had to learn cooking, laundry, and finances (still working on that one - lol), by myself. My mother had six children so it was all she could do to have us clean let alone teach us how to do it right. My husband always jokes with me that he cleans better than I do. OK, well, he did clean office buildings when he was a teenager.

    Parents do have a lot of control in our lives when we are with them. Sounds like they are making sure that when you get out on your own - you can manage it and not have to come back home because you don't know what to do! Be thankful that you have parents who can afford to send you to college. Try to enjoy the benefits and excitement of college and take the time to enjoy the learning. I was not able to get an Associates Degree until I was in my 40's! and I paid for it myself. You can always compare yourself to others that you admire, but you will only learn and be grateful if you look to those who do not have as much as you do. take care and i'll be listening if you have any questions!
    If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.

    Old 09-20-2004, 12:29 PM   #6
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    musashiden HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    they only do all those things because they love you, and they carew about you,they dont want you to end up pregnate like all the american girls out here
    you should apprecoiate what they are doin fot you.
    because when you are 25 or 30, you are going to have to move out of the house, and you will be doing pretty much all the stuffs that you do right now

    Old 09-20-2004, 04:19 PM   #7
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    Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    Let's see. Your parents are in the nail business - a job they probably hate as much as you - and they want you to get good grades, study hard, go to a good school and, egads, be successful?

    Many young people forego grades in order to be socially accepted, and America is beginning to suffer the effects. We glorify rappers and people whose job it is to pretend (i.e. actors) more than the technologists who make our way of life possible. You can ignore your parents and run away with an underachiever and, who knows, end up polishing nails for the rest of your life. If study hard, you can be whatever you want.

    Your parents are tough - but the world is tougher.

    I do think they could lighten up a bit and let you chose your own job and maybe let you date a bit as long as your grades are maintained, but you need to obey their rules. Think of it this way. As your parents are sitting there doing nails, do you think they want you to have to do that? If they didn't care, they would let your run around and do whatever you want. Ten years from now when you have a good job and your friends are stuck at Walmart, you will be thankful.

    Old 09-21-2004, 01:34 PM   #8
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    Lee02 HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    Be carefull about being out on your own, and paying bills. Dont be in such a hurry to grow up. I use to be a "bad apple" in most ways, getting into trouble and such. but never enough that I really got caught for stuff. And I always wondered why my parents were so strict, growing up in a east indian house I feel your pain. But remember your parents love you, and they are just doing this to make the best out of you. They want you to suceed in life and have the finest things that they did not have, this is why they push you. Sit them down and talk to them, tell them you need some space and that friends are very important in life. Maybe go see a family counseller so she can explain both sides to you and your parents. Dont ever think you parents are doing this to hurt you, cause once you start to think like that, you will develop a type of hatred towards them.

    You know it may sound stupid, but watch tv shows like 70's show and teen drama stuff with them, sometimes that helps because they talk/deal with stuff that goes on in a teens real life, and it might be a good way to break the ice with your parents.

    Old 09-21-2004, 08:26 PM   #9
    Join Date: Apr 2003
    Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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    lilsepton HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    Ya, my asian parents are something like that, but they're not as strict anymore, now that i got into the best university in my province. Truth is, they want the best for you, they don't want you to end up like them, working 10 hour days on minimum wage, being the one's doing the jobs no person with a degree would want to do. Most asian parents are like that, but they should at least let you lead your own life, now that you're an adult. Just be glad, you arn't in Hong Kong, where the competitive average to get into their universities are in the 90's.

    Just make your parents happy, get into a respectable school and not some clown college, and they'll most likely let you lead your own life from there-on. They are your legal guardians until you're 19 . Six years from now, you'll be thanking them, with the guidance they've given you. It does seem they limit alot of your freedom though, out of curisosity, are you not an honour roll student? Because, if you're not, that's most likely why, they're so harsh . If i was a parent, and my kids came home with C's, i would restrict all of their fun-time, too!

    Last edited by lilsepton; 09-21-2004 at 08:32 PM.

    Old 09-23-2004, 05:26 AM   #10
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    JinL HB UserJinL HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    I agree with Magnetic.

    Also, I think you should be proud of your parents, not ashamed of how they make their living.

    Education is only for those that want it, I am not sure that is what you want.

    I just wish my parents had the money & offered to send me to college.

    I had to work a year then college a year to get mine.

    Old 10-10-2004, 11:17 PM   #11
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    Ballman1 HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    Just curious, where do you live?? Florida by chance??

    Old 10-11-2004, 12:02 AM   #12
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    freakin123 HB User
    Re: Asian Parents Just Don't Understand!

    your parents are probably the way they are because they had a difficult past. i'm sure they've told you a lot of stories that begin with, "when i was young..." so now to ensure your happiness in the future, they want you to do what they think is best. either that or they just want to brag abaout you to their friends.

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