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  • Problem with girlfriends best friend

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    Old 10-13-2004, 10:42 PM   #1
    Aflagala
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    Problem with girlfriends best friend

    i am going out with this girl but her best friend is really really mean to me
    i have no idea why and i try to talk to her but she is always nasty
    she keeps telling my girlfriend lies and that she should break up with me
    it is really bothering me

    what should i do?



    thanks

     
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    Old 10-13-2004, 11:03 PM   #2
    Snails
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    Re: Problem with girlfriends best friend

    This is a very common problem, and it sucks that you're in the middle of it. Girls are such good friends to each other until they reach the age where boys get involved, and then they will lie, gossip, and make threats to try to keep their friends away from boys. At this age, for whatever reason, girls seem to be taught that they are, from now on, competiting to the death for whoever can get the most boys to like them.

    It really makes me sad how cruel and terrible girls who a few years ago, were "best friends forever" will do the meanest possible things to destroy relationships between their friend and a boy. Your GF's friend is likely extremely jealous that her friend has a BF while she doesn't--at this stage, the friend is probably worried she'll never have a BF (and with an attitude like that, she might have a legitimate concern !). This girl likely also feels left behind, left out, worried that she will have no place in her friend's life now that you have come along and they have reached the age where to most girls, boys come first.

    Sadly, this continues for the next several decades--girls war and lie and betray each other all in the name of capuring boys. As a pretty girl, I was a constant target of girls' name-calling, gossiping, but I managed to essentially escape by befriending only guys. I would usually have one best girl friend, but they would always either ditch me for a guy or try to steal my BF and fail. I think the only time girls were nice to me was when they wanted to be around me so that some of the guys that were attracted to me might notice her too. I always felt really used and betrayed by girls, for good reason, and it's just such a depressing thing that they continue the same all-out war against each other, just to get guys, to this day.

    Anyway, to sum this up, this girl either: is jealous of her friend for having a BF while she's alone, wants you for herself, or is just generally bitter that she doesn't have a BF, given you've done nothing to legitimately upset her. My advice is decide how much you care about your girlfriend. So-called "best friends" split all the time over guys (my BF in college told me she'd been in love with my BF for the entire 4 years we were together, that she'd tried to hit on him but he said no, and if she could steal him away, she'd gladly never talk to me again--I didn't keep the friend or BF very long after even though he'd stayed loyal), but you don't want to make that happen unless you truly care about your GF.

    If you want to stay with her, you need to sit her down and explain what's been going on. Say you're very serious about her, and you're thrilled that you're together, but her best friend seems intent on breaking you apart. Tell her you're willing to do whatever she wants, but to be wary of anything her friend says, and please come to you first before she decides to believe any gossip her best friend says about you. Try to spend more time alone rather than at events where her friend will be--take walks, go for dinner, ice-skating, bowling, tennis, swimming, picnics, hanging out at one of your houses, etc. Make it clear that you really care about her (she'll melt), that you're totally into her, and that you really want to make your relationship work. Don't tell her not to be friends with her best friend, just tell her you know this girl wants you guys to break up so please don't make any decisions based on what the best friend says before talking with you first. I think that ultimately, open communication with your GF is the only thing that will salvage this relationship. Don't try and control her, just let her know that you want things to work and that she shouldn't rely on her "best friend" for accurate information. Good luck!

     
    Old 10-14-2004, 05:34 AM   #3
    eightball61
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    Re: Problem with girlfriends best friend

    Good post snails...

    Anyways, her friend is doing this out of jealousy. Snails is right about girls staying friends until boys come along. She is jealous about the whole thing and willing to do anything to get her friend back. You have done your part in trying to be nice to this friend.

    Her friend will gro up and get a boyfriend one day and things will cool off. In that time your GF has been strong to realized that these lies are not true and she still is with you. Eventually your GF will get sick of her and that will be te ending so her friends needs to smarten up fast.

    The the good boyfriend you have been

    Last edited by eightball61; 10-14-2004 at 05:34 AM.

     
    Old 10-14-2004, 11:02 PM   #4
    Aflagala
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    Re: Problem with girlfriends best friend

    jealous? does that mean her friend likes me? im not to sure about that.

     
    Old 10-15-2004, 05:26 AM   #5
    eightball61
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    Re: Problem with girlfriends best friend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Aflagala
    jealous? does that mean her friend likes me? im not to sure about that.

    No her friend is jealsous because you are taking her times away.

     
    Old 10-16-2004, 11:33 AM   #6
    Snails
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    Re: Problem with girlfriends best friend

    Yes, Jeff is right. She's jealous because you are now her friend's main priority instead of her. And also because her friend has a boyfriend and she doesn't--if she liked you as a BF, she'd probably be really nice to you instead of nasty.

     
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