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    Old 10-18-2004, 01:56 AM   #1
    friendlyguy
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    Unhappy girl friend mom over protective need advice

    im 17 in oakland,ca and my girl friend is 15 shes turning 16 in march,we go to different schools....were deeply in love,her mom is strict!!....theres cameras around the house,bars on the window,alarms on the gate.....heres the story when i got with my girl friend wich was a year ago i fell in love with her then found out she cant go places cause her parents,im the type of person who like to go to the movies with my girl friend and fun places.....my girl friend told her mom that i like to go places alot and that i want to go places with her since we dont go to the same school then her mom told her that when she get to know me and how i drive i can go places with her......well 8 months ago wich was in february we messed around in the movies no sex or oral sex she just messed with me her mom found out 3 days later by going in my girl friend room while she was in school and reading her diary.. her mom yelled at her when she got from school and grounded her off the phone for 2 weeks an made her break up with me and didnt want us to see each other at all until shes old enough to date wich when she turn 18 then she can date me again her mom said....4 months after that,my girl friend talked her mom into let us see each other again and let us get back togetther...right now as of this day she only lets us see each other like ounce a week for a couple hours,we only can sit out side an talk we cant go for a walk around the neighbor hood cause she think we'll mess around some were.......the thing is its boring at her house just sitting there its quiet there she has no brothers but sisters with kids already and already moved out....we have to sit in one spot all day...she cant go places with me an her mom want take us places.....we cant go inside we have to be out side cause the family rules and thats the only way we can see each other until she turn 16 now her mom say...i know im supposed to obey the family rules but the thing is im uncomfortable being around her mom now...i'd rather sit down at a park with her then her house.......im stressed out i had a 3.0 gpa before now i have a 1.5 cause im takeing time to sneak and see her at a park when im supposed to be in school its not affecting her grade though cause the way her class starts (she dont know about my grades)...were not haveing sex i just want to spend time with her...........the way i see it if her mom dont want her getting pregnant she should just put her on birth control and let her go places with me and if she dont want me takein her in my car then she should take us 2 the park or some were else fun and then pick us up there but i dont understand her mom this is driveing me crazy cause it affecting my grades and me in school i know i cant do nothing to change her mom mind but i love this girl and i want to see her,i really dont think im going to graduate now i dont think i can go a few more months this is driveing me crazy im failing in school cause of this situation im a senior in high school.....my girl friend is going to have a talk with her mom to get her to change her mind about all this and just put her on birth control she needs to know is there any thing she can tell her mom to help put her on birth control or to let us go places cause i seriously been thinking about breaking up with her and getting my work done but i cant cause i love her too much...if i knew that this girl parents were that strict were they put bars on all the windows,alarms on the gates,camers around the house,record phone calls i wouldnt of got with this girl in the first place,her dad knows we togetther and knows what happen in the theatre and he still let us go places cause he say that was in the past but her mom tell her dad no we cant go places now her dad want let us go places cause he get yelled at by the mom...please help

     
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    Old 10-18-2004, 03:19 AM   #2
    Marty286
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Wow........ I dont want to choose for you, but think about it... What will benefit you in the long run? Your grades or your girlfriend which you could easily break up with.. You can't break up with life. Her mom sounds very protective indeed! I guess you have to understand that its her last child and once she leaves then there is going to be no more daughters living with her. If you want to carry on going out with her my advice would be to earn her parents respect by doing as they say no matter how boring it may be. If you truly love this girl you'll do anything to see her right? Eventually they will let you go places with her... ******* them off won't get you anywhere! Good luck

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 05:36 AM   #3
    eightball61
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Her mom is strict but it is her child and she will protect her. I am sorry you can do much beyond that but until her mom lets lose some then you should just concentrate on your grades for the time being and just be a good friend to her.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 06:26 AM   #4
    FaithfulyWaiting
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    I think that if you really cared about this girl, you would respect her mother's wishes. At least you GET to see each other a little each week. When my husband and I were dating (the past 3 years before July) we had a Long distance relationship. We got to see each other about twice a year. Maybe if you show her mother you can be trusted, keep getting good grades in school, and completely going with the mother's rules, and not trying to sneak around them, she would be more likely to let you do more things together.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 09:46 AM   #5
    friendlyguy
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    yes thats what im doing respecting her wishes,i understand thats her child and she trying to protect her but i just dont get why she just cant put her on birth control and lets us go places or just lets us go places if she scared of me drivein then she should just take us aint nothing i can do though shes a grown old women (that still likes to party) im trying all i can to earn her mom respect again....i been doing that for 6 months now,going to her house leave when she tell me to leave in 2 hours...her mom knows were in love,i bought my girl $200.00 worth of stuff already......her mom told her she cant date a guy until she turn 18 cause of what she did then my girl friend talked to her mom and now she let us date but we cant go no were until she 16,she dont want her to go places with me in my car cause she think we'll mess around in the car she say....when im at her house its quiet,we have to sit down an talk,cant leave out the gate or any thing,cant go for a walk,im not the person to do stuff like that....i like to play around a lot and over there i cant do it...none of her sisters husbands like her mom they cant stand her cause the way she is and how she acts i cant even stand her now....she cant even go places with her friends she barely can get clouths she dont even got that much clouths cause they barely take her shopping....theres nothing i can do about it...but i want to know is that even a big deal for her mom to get that mad over?.....and is there any other guy that would get with a girl like this?...am i wrong in this situation?

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 09:59 AM   #6
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Bottom line: She's 15 yr old minor living in her parent's home, and soley supported by them. There's nothing you can do except wait and play by their rules or break it off with her. Regardless if her parent's are right or wrong, too strict of whatever the case may be, you have no say in this situation whatsoever. Other than making the decision to stay with her or call it quits.
    You say in your post for the mother to "just put her on birth control". The point is the mother doesn't want to have a REASON to put her on birth control! She is 15 yrs old and her mother probably doesn't need or want that headache.
    Unfortunately you have chosen a girl with very strict parent's and until she is 18, there's not much you can do. Sorry.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 10:12 AM   #7
    eightball61
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    You say in your post for the mother to "just put her on birth control". The point is the mother doesn't want to have a REASON to put her on birth control!

    Right... Her mom doesn't need a reason but shes see her daughter is at the age where kids can go behind parents back to do sexual stuff. It may not make sense to you but to me it does. I would feel wierd to put my daughter on that but in todays world I would. I would ask her though and not force her but its a good step to just in case. Her mom is just being a mom and protecting her in all areas.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 11:41 AM   #8
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    Right... Her mom doesn't need a reason but shes see her daughter is at the age where kids can go behind parents back to do sexual stuff. It may not make sense to you but to me it does. I would feel wierd to put my daughter on that but in todays world I would. I would ask her though and not force her but its a good step to just in case. Her mom is just being a mom and protecting her in all areas.

    Jeff,
    Her mother didn't say anything about birth control. (I went back and re-read his post) It's him that stated if her mother's worried about her getting pregnant she should just put her on birth control.
    Her mother is worried about her having sex. Period. And honestly, 15 is too young to be having sex. I know, I know, I live in the real world and I know it happens, but c'mon,,,15? Too young in my book. Just read some of the posts on this healthboard about teens asking questions on getting pregnant. Geezz,,,,they are having sex, yet know nothing about it. One girl thought she could get pregnant if her boyfriend got some "boy juice" on her stomach!
    I would say that her mother needs to discuss the birds and the bees with her, but don't run right down to the OB/GYN and put her on birth control "just in case". I think if you had a 15 yr old daughter you would think differently.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 12:00 PM   #9
    eightball61
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    15 is to young to be having anything like that but in todays world is alot different than you think it is. I DJ a lot of middle school and high school dances. These younger girls are going around dressed skimpier than Britney Spears did.

    These girls are doing it to themselves and I wish the media would change things around. Its all over TV and music. The aim is towards these young girls and its getting worse before better. I will safe that for another dispute because its not part of this thread but in reality there is nothing we can do accept prepare our children for it.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 12:14 PM   #10
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    15 is to young to be having anything like that but in todays world is alot different than you think it is. I DJ a lot of middle school and high school dances. These younger girls are going around dressed skimpier than Britney Spears did.

    These girls are doing it to themselves and I wish the media would change things around. Its all over TV and music. The aim is towards these young girls and its getting worse before better. I will safe that for another dispute because its not part of this thread but in reality there is nothing we can do accept prepare our children for it.

    I agree, and because the world is the way it is, her mother is over-protective. Even in my day (wayyyyyy back,,,,,,) I had a friend who's mother was VERY overbearing and over-protective. She wasn't allowed to do anything - EVER. She couldn't even go to the Friday night football games with the rest of us. But her rules were the rules and my friend had to follow them.
    I do think it's a bit of a shame that this girl's mother is so over-protective because she is really not learning how to be independent. She is getting to that age where she needs to be able to make some decisions and learn the responsibilty of her own actions - But this is not up to her boyfriend. It's her parent's call.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 12:21 PM   #11
    eightball61
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    I do think it's a bit of a shame that this girl's mother is so over-protective because she is really not learning how to be independent. She is getting to that age where she needs to be able to make some decisions and learn the responsibilty of her own actions - But this is not up to her boyfriend. It's her parent's call.


    I do agree here 100% on this and a child needs some independance to see the world and live it but some parents dont see it that way and feel trapping thier child is better when we see that is wrong.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 02:28 PM   #12
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    birth control and sex thats not my case i was just saying what i think the mom should do..all i want to do with this girl is go places with her but her mom thinks all guys just want booty from what happen in her past thas what my girl friend say i tried to explain to the mother that i wasnt that type of guy it didnt work she thinks im lying.... her mom did mention birth control when she turn 16 with a job,car and licenses but damn thats a long way from now....what im saying is atleast let us go places when she turn 16 she can put her on birth control when ever she want i dont care but yeah theres nothing i can do im just saying...im going to just tell my girl friend to leave her mom alone dont have a talk with her mom......thanks for clearing up the part were i cant do any thing about it cause thats her mom thanks i already understand that,the dad of my girl friend told my girl friend these exact words a couple of weeks ago "dont listen to your mother she give me problems too, just ask me if you want to go some were ill let you go with him dont let your mom find out just you two dont mess around again" like i said he knows what happen in the theatre and he still lets us go...now the dad dont let us do stuff togetther any more cause the mom found out he was letteing us do stuff behind her back and yelled at the dad for it.....the man of the house trusts us but the mom doesnt understand...we cant go some were in my car because her mom think we might mess around in the car while im driveing and she want even drop us off at a park or let me take my girl friend to the park a mile from the house cause she think we might mess around behind the trees in broad day light she seriously said

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 02:39 PM   #13
    eightball61
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    I understand your fight through the whole thing but you have to understand that you broke her trust when she found out about the movie episode. What you need to do is gain her trust and the only way I see that happening is is she allows you over the house to get to know you or allows her daughter at your house but is aloud to talk to your parents on what she exspect from them....like no bedroom door closed.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 03:48 PM   #14
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    It is up to the girl's parents. I agree that they are being overprotective in this case, but you're just out of luck I guess.

    You said she turns 16 in the Spring. So until then, spend what time you can with her, and PAY ATTENTION TO SCHOOL. From how it sounds, I seriously doubt this girl's mom would let her go out with someone who didn't graduate from high school. Not to mention, it might be nice for you to be able to go to college.
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    Old 10-24-2004, 04:21 PM   #15
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    Re: girl friend mom over protective need advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    Jeff,
    Her mother didn't say anything about birth control. (I went back and re-read his post) It's him that stated if her mother's worried about her getting pregnant she should just put her on birth control.
    Her mother is worried about her having sex. Period. And honestly, 15 is too young to be having sex. I know, I know, I live in the real world and I know it happens, but c'mon,,,15? Too young in my book. Just read some of the posts on this healthboard about teens asking questions on getting pregnant. Geezz,,,,they are having sex, yet know nothing about it. One girl thought she could get pregnant if her boyfriend got some "boy juice" on her stomach!
    I would say that her mother needs to discuss the birds and the bees with her, but don't run right down to the OB/GYN and put her on birth control "just in case". I think if you had a 15 yr old daughter you would think differently.
    Susie, I usually completely agree with all your great advice, but here I respectfully disagree. I think the idea that parents have the right to control their daughters (but not their sons') bodies is just sick, reminiscent of when fathers "gave" their daughters' bodies to their husbands without any input from the young women. Teenage boys are allowed to roam free and experiment sexually as long as they are responsible--why not girls?? Girls whose parents refuse to educate them about responsible precations and birth control have a much higher rate of unplanned pregnancy and unprotected sex (especially with parents who try to brainwash their daughters into remaining virgins, such girls still have sex but very rarely use protection). I'm sorry, it just makes me really mad that society still perceives girls under 18 as being the physical property, under the control of their parents. Yet there are no laws ensuring that such parents are responsible, compassionate, or caring. I think once teenagers reach 15 or 16, they are separate in many ways from their parents (this should not apply less to girls as society wants to make us think!!) and have the right to make their own decisions about sex.

    Honestly, how can we say what age is the right age for someone to have sex for the first time? Some people are physically and emotionally ready at 14, others not until college or later. At any age, it should be a personal decision, between a woman and her doctor, when to seek birth control or an abortion--her parents should NOT be given control over her body and sexuality!!!! That's no different than an arranged marriage--women have fought so long to gain autonomy that the idea that her parents own and control her body until age 18 makes me sick and furious. It dates back to when women were the property of their fathers up until the day when they were property of their husbands, without ever being granted independent rights of citizenship.

    Susie, I'm not at all trying to attack you; I know you don't think this way. But why is 15 too young for sex? Does that apply to both guys and girls, because many people's standards are much looser for guys? Just because some people are clueless about sex at that age doesn't mean others aren't just as responsible as older people. I think abstinence-only education is at the root of the current lack of sexual knowledge, mostly about STDs and birth control options, among teenagers. When I was a teenager, I did lots of research, and consciously decided I was ready for sex. I wanted to do it, and I didn't think anyone else had a right to judge my decision, because they didn't know me, and they didn't control my life. So many 23 year olds don't make smart decisions about sex and protection, but we don't say they're too young. It just depends on the individual involved, and their level of maturity, but I don't think anyone should ever tell anyone else when to have sex or not have sex--it's a personal decision and one of the few great pleasures in life, which to me means it's a decision everyone should make for themselves, preferably with the most sexual education and information possible.

     
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