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  • My g/f's ex boyfriend died

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    Old 03-01-2005, 04:33 PM   #1
    psyco tank
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    My g/f's ex boyfriend died

    hey guys, yeah, today when i came to school, i found my girlfriend crying and asked her whats wrong, she tells me that this guy 'shawn' has died. Apparently it was one of her ex boyfriends. I didnt know him. She cryed until 1st period when a counsoler came and got her. She left home early. I need advice on what to do. I know this is one of those 'she'll get over it' things but its putting some depression on me, i cant stand to see her sad. Even worse, she told me yesterday that she would be moving soon. My heart is practically in pain right now. I tryed to comfort her but i need to know what to tell her if she calls me/comes to school still upset. Thanks guys

     
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    Old 03-01-2005, 05:02 PM   #2
    Ruth6:11
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    Re: My g/f's ex boyfriend died

    Tell her that you are so sorry. That it must be hard to lose someone who was special to her. Tell her that you are there for her, and that she can call you at any time of the day or night if she just needs a shoulder to cry on.
    Tell her that you respect her ability to care deeply and continue caring after a break-up.
    That if she moves you know now that she will continue to care deeply for you.

    (A very special ex-boyfriend of mine died last year - these are some of the things that I either heard that helped, or would have liked to have heard.

     
    Old 03-01-2005, 05:39 PM   #3
    psyco tank
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    Re: My g/f's ex boyfriend died

    Thanks, she cryed on my shoulder and i told her how sorry i was and how i was always gonna be there for her

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 06:34 AM   #4
    genster
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    Re: My g/f's ex boyfriend died

    Be there to listen to what she wants to say, even if she is silent, be willing to be there.
    DO NOT tell her how to grieve, or that you know how she feels, or that she should be moving on from her grief. She will grieve in a way that is particular to her and to her relationship with this person. This pattern may be affected also by how he died - illness, accident, suicide, whatever, can affect how a person experiences grief.
    Let her express what ever emotions she is feeling, without fear of having to justify feeling them. Even when the emotions seem inappropriate, do not jusge them or her.
    Most important, just reassure her that you are there for her at any time, and are willing to be her support.

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 01:44 PM   #5
    psyco tank
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    Unhappy Re: My g/f's ex boyfriend died

    Alright yall, thanks and im here once again to update my situation. I learned more today and i also have more to tell. Ok about the death:He died in a boating accident. He did not go to my school and i think that the relationship between him and my g/f was mainly on the phone. They knew each other since middle school (when they dated) which is last year (me and my gf are both freshman) They dated for about a few months or less.

    Next:Today my g/f was at school to my surprise, she was very 'pale' and 'dull'. I tryed my best to be around her and keep her company. She partially ignored me in the morning when i found out she left without me to her 1st period class but it was ok, i understood. Then in 2nd period, she was in my spanish class and she was more talkative and she smiled a few times. Then after 3rd, she came to lunch a little late and she was still distressed about the incident. I tryed to comfort her and a little after, she started crying. 5 minutes later she stoped and took out some pain killers. This really upset me, i knew she was in alot of pain. Then after i walked her to her last class and she simply walked ahead of me and said goodbye. I was very worried. After 4th, i walked her to her bus and i asked her to call me if she could. But i found out she had therapy today and she needed to get in contact with some of her friends to attend the funeral of this guy. 1st: Do you think that the therapy is going to help her? shes been going to it for awhile but now that hes gone, is it gonna help? 2nd: Do you think the funeral is going to give her closure or is it going to make her feel even more depressed about loosing him? Thanks for your time reading this, plz reply. I love you guys, thanks -Khashi

    Last edited by psyco tank; 03-02-2005 at 02:15 PM.

     
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