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  • 18 never had a girlfriend!!

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    Old 03-01-2005, 06:19 PM   #1
    Mr.Bojangless
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    18 never had a girlfriend!!

    Hey all, i hope this is the right board, i need to vent!

    i just turned 18 and im feeling really down cause ive never had a girlfriend, never really had a MEANINGFUL kiss even (ive made out with a chick once, but that was just a drunken impulse thing)!

    I have really no female friends, just a few casual aquaintences (spelling?). I feel like such a loser! But i'm not-- im smart, i think i have a really great sense of humor (i can usually make someone laugh whenever i want) and although im pretty skinny (5'11", only like 135 lbs), im not ugly (i hope...) I mean i always catch girls looking at me, does this mean they think im good looking or ugly?! I don't even know! like today i walked into school and a few girls who were laughing at something all kinda stopped laughing and looked at me...it was weird. ugh...i feel like such a kid!

    My problem is that im just so damn shy! The reason for this is because i had pretty bad acne for my ENTIRE TEENAGE LIFE up until now, i still do a bit, though. I dont think people really understand what its like to hate looking in the mirror from the moment you hit puberty until the end, like it was terrible. That and i was really unpopular back in junior high which really hurt my self esteem further. Only now am i becoming more open and confident in myself.

    I dunno i just feel kinda pathetic. Like, I hardly even talk to a single chick during a day at school, and even then its like im 14 - akward and shy. If i do have an ok conversation with a chick ill feel really good for the rest of the day. Just for talking with a girl!! How pathetic is that!! I dont know what im gonna do for prom...i bet i wont even go. I want to (even though i hate dancing) but i just bet i wont..

    anyway, i just needed to vent this, it feels good to write down stuff you have deep inside you. Some feedback or comments or ANYTHING would be really cool. thanks


    P.S. if you think im depressed or something, im really not (i think i used to be a couple years ago or so...i dunno). I have great friends, and a great family, and generally happy with my life...except this aspect!

     
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    Old 03-02-2005, 09:49 AM   #2
    ~*johanna*~
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    Hi Mr. Bonjangless,
    I'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend either! I've also never had anyone ask me out or even kiss me. You're not alone in feeling like a loser. I know I'm a good person but just because I'm not super skinny and drop-dead gorgeous, no one has liked me like that and I feel as if no one will. It's hard to be this age when everyone is falling in love or at least dating and you're not. Every night I lay awake wishing I had someone and could kiss someone. I'm shy just like you too and it's SO hard for me to talk to guys. *sighs*
    Ok, so enough about how down we feel! Let's work on how we will help ourselves feel better. It's hard, I know, but we can't just mope around and wish wish wish. We need to focus on other aspects and try to just get by. Let's not try and impress people; just be ourselves! This is corny I know but oh well. Some day we will find someone perfect and who cares if that somebody comes along later in life than most people? Well, we care, but let's try not to think about it...let's try and relax and take our life one step at a time.
    I hope you seeing a girl in the same situation as you helped you realize you're not alone.
    -Johanna

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 03:23 PM   #3
    Mr.Bojangless
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    thanks for the reply

    more feedback from anyone would be great

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 07:14 PM   #4
    worrywort91
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    Hey man, I'm 19, and I've only had one kinda girlfriend (we never kissed or did anything, mainly went to coffee shops). That was in highschool, I've only kissed two girls and that was for plays. I'm also super shy, and have social anxiety disorder or something like that. College is really crazy right now, everyone has a bloody girlfriend, and then there i am. I too have a bunch of friends who are girls, but they mainly view me as the funny kinda odd super small and skinny dude (5'5" 110 pounds). I've been freaked about going on dates cause I have such little experience, just hang in there mate, there are people who are in your same situation...you will meet someone someday somehow...or not...and your life can still be very fullfilling...hey at least you made out with a girl, lol....

     
    Old 03-04-2005, 04:27 PM   #5
    Lysander
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    I think that missing out on dating until you're 18, 19 (getting out of highschool, basically) is more common than people think. I personally know a ton of handsome, dependable, brilliant guys that were passed by in highschool, either because they were too awkward or because girls were looking for cheap thrills with the flashier guys. It sounds like you've been through some rough times, and I suspect that you've probably had to reinvent yourself as the great person you are now.

    You are intelligent, funny, average-looking, and you exude positivity and confidence. You *are* what the nice girls of the world want. Just hang in there a bit, and it's all going to come to you. Trust me. =) The only thing you should concern yourself with is finding a girl that's worthy of you. There are a lot of women out there that will abuse a man's fear of always being alone.

    I speak from personal experience. I was a wreck during my teen years--I didn't know how to take care of my appearance, I had no self-esteem, no friends... Boys teased or ignored me, and even those friendliest with me admitted that I was an "ugly girl." I didn't blossom until I was 18, after I'd climbed from a black depression and learned how to dress myself. It turns out that this "ugly girl" was really a gorgeous woman when she dressed nicely, put on some make up, and greeted the world with a smile. Now that all of the guys were after me, I decided that I didn't care for them, so it was a couple of years before I met a man that I thought was good enough to try dating. It was scary being inexperienced. I'd never even kissed someone before. But he was very patient, and I fell in love with him, and all of my inexperience turned out to mean nothing in the end. (Except I'm lacking those memories of awkward sexual discovery and immature relationships that most people have)

    So, knowing that, and knowing that my lover wasn't much different from me, or you...I know you'll do just fine.

     
    Old 03-04-2005, 05:23 PM   #6
    Mr.Bojangless
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    thanks lysander, that made me feel somewhat better


    i totally agree with you about how a lot of people don't start dating until after high school. Almost all my friends have never had a girl, and if they have had one, its been just that---one, maybe two girlfriends.

    neway, thx for the input

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:03 PM   #7
    davelacb
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    Mr. Bonjangless my story is EXACTLY like yours except im 165 lbs and i still have acne.

     
    Old 03-08-2005, 01:29 AM   #8
    jambalaya_josie
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    Smile Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    I am extremely shy and graduated high school just last year. I thought I would be a virgin forever and all of my attempts to "get boys" went terribly. I finally had the interest of a guy when I was seventeen and he stood me up, but I was able to get my first kiss out of him. Strangely though, everything happened in that one year. I went on to find other boys through my friends. I dated one of them for ten months, and all of the things I thought I would never do until I was 40 years old, were done in a year. So there is hope. I swear it all just happens at once. Also, never get distracted by other people and their talk of how much experience they supposedly have had, etc. I have had so many people who were just full of bull so that they wouldn't look "weird". Your time will come, don't worry! Also, my brother is 21 and has never had a girlfriend, so there ya go. Not as uncommon as it feels.

     
    Old 03-08-2005, 02:35 PM   #9
    Mr.Bojangless
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    thx for the input

    im graduating this year, and im REALLY looking forward to university. i really think im gonna get out of my rut and break out of my shy self conciousness. I just need to get over my stupid insecurities. I feel like their such big problems, but once their gone, i know i'll just laugh at myself for fretting so much over them.

     
    Old 03-09-2005, 10:56 AM   #10
    Arraicha
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    I'm another person who was in your situation! I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19. I don't feel like I missed out on anything in perticular, although I must admit that I have a lot of trouble accepting the my current boyfriend has been dating (and been sexually active) since his teens. It's weird, but it really frustrates me that he has more experience than me, even though it's impossible to tell.

    Like you, I was terrible shy. I was also horribly embarassed to admit that I liked someone. It took a lot of courage and practice to get over it. But, to reassure you, once the worst insecurity is knocked down, it gets much easier.

     
    Old 03-09-2005, 02:19 PM   #11
    niceguy22
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    Hey Dude, listen to this, I am EXACTLY like you, except I didn't make out with a girl on a drunken impulse thing. She was drunk, I was sober, it just felt wrong....neway. Yes, the acne, 5'11 135 lbs, everything dude. I've never drank or touched drugs before either, although I really want to. OK, the point is, a couple months ago I decided to take control, which is my advice to u. It's not gonna be handed to u. Start working out to build up your confidence, and start talking to girls. For me, I'm starting to talk to girls I've had my eye on b/c I'm looking for a date to prom and time is wasting. If it helps, practice on those aquaintances, write out conversations that you can practice and then deliver. Personality is key, try and overdo it b/c it WILL overcome your shyness. Just keep it up, speak slowly, concentrate on what your saying and to articulate it, and you'll be striking up convos in no time. That's really important, try to talk a girl everyday, have a conversation. Let me know dude, maybe we can help each other out.

     
    Old 03-13-2005, 02:55 PM   #12
    NoIdentity
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    Re: 18 never had a girlfriend!!

    No one will agree with me, but dating is kind of meaningless unless you really want to be serious.

     
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