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  • what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

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    Old 03-14-2005, 07:28 PM   #1
    sherry33
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    what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    She hates her school and pretty much all the people in it...I told her just to ignore them and that they must have pretty boring lives if they don't have anything better to talk about than what she wears,say,does,or doesn't do!
    Kids in other grades who don't even know just know of her start crap about her and it's really annoying and rediculous!
    So what have you done in similar situations or any advice would be great! I want to try and help her through this but sometimes I just do NOT get how mean and hateful kids are these days!
    She is a beautiful blond haired blue eyed, cute cheerleader type but she is just a rumor magnet! HELP

    Last edited by sherry33; 03-14-2005 at 07:29 PM. Reason: mistyped

     
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    Old 03-14-2005, 08:21 PM   #2
    Arraicha
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Is it possible for her to change schools? I've had a few friends who had terrible experiences with their peers at that age, all of which were solved when they changed schools.

    If changing schools isn't possible, it's a bit more tricky. In my own experience, girls who were attacked with rumors were usually the kind of girl whom makes other envious, but who is pretty shy at the same time. Generally, people who start rumors are won over by kindness so perhaps if your daughter tried to get to know them, it would help the situation.

     
    Old 03-14-2005, 08:29 PM   #3
    Sillygrl
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Wow, I am really sorry to hear this. I feel bad for your daughter. That age is tough enough without added stressors. I am sure your daughter is beautiful and that is why they are spreading rumors about her. They are just plain jealous. Does she have any friends at that school that can support her? A close circle of friends can work wonders. Also, is she involved in any extra-curricular activities? Those can build self-esteem, make her feel like she has a place and she can make good friends. I wouldnt say transfering, in my eyes that is just giving up and making her move to a newer maybe scarier place. I would just support her in all ways that you can and make sure you instill in her a sense of pride.

     
    Old 03-14-2005, 09:35 PM   #4
    ForgottenFaith
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    It's called envy. They envy your daughter. They're jealous that they're not as pretty as your daughter, so they try to start rumors that will degrade her. A lot of girls do this. Girls constantly compare themselves to their peers, and when they're not as endowed or prettier, they feel inadequate in comparison, so they start rumors. Like I'm sure since you have a pretty daughter, they'll spread rumors about your daughter being sexually promiscuous and things of that nature. If your daughter hates the school she's in and students in it, then why not give her the option of going to another school?

     
    Old 03-14-2005, 11:09 PM   #5
    ChunkyCharms06
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    I'm 17 and a jr in high school and i've had my share of rumors spread about me. What I like to do is squash them. If I know who's spreading I'm the type of person that would go up to them and ask them what their problem is. But you must know how catty girls are these days and i'm sorry your daughter is at the bad end of it. girls will start rumors to make someone, who they are threatened by, look bad. in a way it's apart of growing up being female because I've seen it everywhere- school, work, even just going out places- being a female especially a pretty girl like your daughter drama is sure to follow.

     
    Old 03-15-2005, 06:05 PM   #6
    Snails
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    I had the exact same problem in school, especially high school. Most girls hated me on sight because of my looks (which sound identical to your daughter's) and the attention they received, and the girls that did try to befriend me eventually ended up backstabbing me and spreading rumors just like all the other girls. It really is just jealousy and insecurity, not that that's very comforting and makes the rumors any less hurtful. Looking back, I think the girls I knew really just resented how I always had boyfriends and lots of guy friends, but the only way they could vent their envy was by attacking and making up rumors about me. I really feel badly for your daughter and wish there was some easy way for you to make this nonsense stop, but unfortunately there's not much you can do about gossip. Changing schools might help, and hopefully the rumors will stop or at least decrease as her peers get older and a bit more mature. You could also try talking to a teacher or principal about the problem and seeing if they will discipline your daughter's primary tormentors. I really feel bad for your daugher--the only thing that really helped me was developing a thick skin, surrounding myself with protective and loyal male friends, and showing the girls that I couldn't care less what they thought of me. I learned to intimidate them by acting like I knew that they were insecure and jealous of me, and in retrospect, I did learn some important lessons from the experience (not to care what people think of me and not to stress out about things that you can't control). Eventually they lost interest in going after me once they saw they didn't get to me, so the best advice I have for your daughter is to keep her chin up, hold her head high, project confidence and a carefree attitude, and rise above her petty, jealous rivals. Hopefully they will see that your daughter sees them for the insecure, envious, and vengeful losers they are, and leave her alone. I hope things look up for your poor daughter soon, and if not, perhaps you might want to seriously consider moving her to another school.

    Good luck and best wishes ,
    Stacy

     
    Old 03-15-2005, 06:17 PM   #7
    sherry33
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Thanks for the advice I will definatly tell her to try to incorporate this into our plan against the evil rumor machine!
    She is pretty bold about confronting people so that is one good thing for her... I tell her that all the time "it's because these people are jealous!"
    I guess I'm a laid back mom but I let her dress how she wants wether it be all black or kinds punk (she's not WAY out there! LOL) but I think maybe some of these girls and boys alike maybe be jealous due to this alone since maybe their parent want the to be barbie and ken cookie-cutter lookalikes of every other kid in school !!!
    Who knows but maybe this will chill down SOON!!!!
    Oh ya people in the next town even have heard of her! HOW stupid ...like I said they must be really bored! LOL

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 01:28 AM   #8
    Peter0690
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Hey im a 15 yr old guy and i have teased people and spread rumors b4. so the best thing to do is jhust ignore them. DO NOT make smart come backs etc. and dont get all upset trust me it makes them want to do it even more. just be like meh i dont care or somthing along them lines. they will ecentually get bored with u and move onto someone else.

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 12:15 PM   #9
    Snails
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Have you thought about checking out books on the topic of bullying/gossip? I bet there are at least a few good ones out there which may provide helpful suggestions to make things easier on your daughter. Growing up is tough enough without being a target of such malicious lies and rumors...I hope that you are able to find a way to deal with this situation before it gets any worse.

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 08:16 PM   #10
    sherry33
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Well the rest of this week has been alot better than the last 2 weeks thanks goodness! Even though it looks as though my daughters poor BF has caught hell from his parents over this crap!
    I guess they would rather believe all the lies and rumors than to SEE how she acts and treats them and him. Some other kids told his mom she's a **** and all this stuff and she must somewhat believe it by the way she acts! What gets me is my daughter never goes anywhere really...our house, his house, 3 or 4 school dances, the movies with me, and church! Not like she's out partying with college guys or something! I told her I guess she'll have to be a hermit and NEVER go out again! LOL jokingly of course!
    I think she will definatly be a stronger person after putting up with this BS!!!
    thanks again for all the advice! I know she's not alone by no means...and I realize now that pretty girls get made fun of and taunted just and much if not more viciously than the not so pretty girls (and I'm sure boys too!)

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 09:19 PM   #11
    Pink00
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    I'm really not trying to offend you by saying this, I'm just trying to bring up a different point of view that hasn't been mentioned. Maybe you have already thought of this though....

    Is it at all possible that the things people are saying are a little closer to the truth that she's letting you know? I'm 18 and I know that I've told some pretty good ones to my mom before. She always believes me...

    I just thought that it was a little strange you said that peopl ein the next town have heard of her........ ?

    Sorry to bring out the bad side of the situation, but it's just something to consider!
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    Old 03-23-2005, 12:29 PM   #12
    thumbelina123
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Hi, i also agree with Pink00.. this is just in my school.. but a lot of girls/guys talk about girls like that if they do something.. maybe your daughter is just trying to cover what she did up with innocence and blaming it on the kids in school for talking about her. That is my opinion, sorry if it sounds mean or anything but im not trying to be. Also, i think you should talk to your daughter about it to see what they are saying. If she is being called a **** then i'd think it may be for a reason. Please this is just my opinion.
    I hope everything works out for your daughter though, i know how hard it is for people to gossip about you. It is the worst thing ever... well goodbye!

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 06:48 PM   #13
    sherry33
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Well I don't see how she could be doing much without me knowing since she is usually always home or with me out somewhere. Her BF comes over here mostly since his parents are never home much and I watch them pretty close although I know things can be done with parents nearby... hell I was a teenager once myself!
    But for someone to start a rumor that she is pregnant because of the shirt she wore is a bit rediculous!!! Like I said she will have to be a hermit to squelch the rumors!!!

     
    Old 04-01-2005, 10:37 PM   #14
    halfreality71
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sherry33
    She hates her school and pretty much all the people in it...I told her just to ignore them and that they must have pretty boring lives if they don't have anything better to talk about than what she wears,say,does,or doesn't do!
    Kids in other grades who don't even know just know of her start crap about her and it's really annoying and rediculous!
    So what have you done in similar situations or any advice would be great! I want to try and help her through this but sometimes I just do NOT get how mean and hateful kids are these days!
    She is a beautiful blond haired blue eyed, cute cheerleader type but she is just a rumor magnet! HELP
    You could have her talk to the principle, or councelor or teacher and maybe they couls have a discussion together (your daughter and they kids who are causing the biggest problems) or you could ask if the teacher could give out some kind of punishment to the students if they catch them causing problems....
    ..then again, this could just make things worse. If the other kids think she is "tattling" on them, they will probably only resent her even more and spread more rumors.

    The best thing for your daughter would be if she could realize that it really doesn't matter what other people think and just ignore it and not let it bother her. If she could be more confident and more mature than these other kids around her. But this is usually an impossible thing for a 13-year old to be able to do. At that age, most kids are incesure and worry about fitting in and other people liking them. That's hust how it is when you are a kid.
    Maybe you could help her write letters to some of these other kids who are causing problems. Have her write that it is very hurtful and cruel what they are doing to her. Help her make the letters sound as mature and confident as possible..maybe this will intimidate these other kids and make them back off....then again, this could also make things worse, so im not exactly recommending it.

    Being bullied,made fun of, picked on as a kid is very normal. But if your daughter is an "outcast" or "uncool" in the eyes of the other students, this might lead to her actually becomming very confident when she gets older. Hopefully she will learn from this a learn to be an individual and that it is okay to be different...in fact, it is very, very good to be different.

    I was real insecure when i was your daughters age. I tried to fit in, but never did. I was always laughed at, made fun of,, or more often i was completly ignored and unoticed.
    When i was 16, i slowly became more confident and let go of the little things that dont matter, like: having the coolest clothes, fitting in, etc. Im 18 now and happy to say that i have become confident and dont worry about such things.

    also, like some of the other replies suggested: maybe there is more to this than you know. Im not trying to sound mean, but those things do happen.

    good luck to you and your daughter.

    -becka

     
    Old 04-02-2005, 11:02 AM   #15
    TryHonesty
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    Re: what should my 13 yr old daughter do about rumors?

    Im also 17 and in HS..and let me tell you; rumors will follow you WHEREVER you go. Changing schools could be a option [ if that is a option you liked ] but then she will get the "new kid" rumors. Which in my eyes sucks more then rumors started by people who have known/seen her a while. In my personal opinion just ignoring them works. Soon they will die down [well hopefully ] shes gotta let them know that she doesn't care what they think. If she makes fun of them too/ starts rumors that will make her look just as bad. Then you will get the "well you do it too" thing lol. From what ive read your daughter seems to be strong at this and willing to do something..but the better thing i think would be to NOT do something you know? Well i hoped i helped somewhat.

     
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