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    Old 04-14-2005, 03:00 PM   #1
    kerry96
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    dancing with guys

    were both 17, and my girlfriend goes out to clubs without me, i dont mind this, as shes with friends, but am i unreasonable to ask her not to dance with other guys? personally i hate the idea of her salsa dancing(what she likes) touching hands with other guys, i asked her to not dance with other guys, and she said that it would be "boring otherwise" am i just being over jelous? or am i right that she shouldnt dance with other guys

     
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    Old 04-14-2005, 06:23 PM   #2
    Frynd1
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    Re: dancing with guys

    In my opinion, you're being over protective.

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 06:28 PM   #3
    LIT
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    Re: dancing with guys

    in my opinion you're not being over protective
    i would be disapointed if you didnt get jealous.then again i wouldnt do that to a guy. it jsut shows that you care. the salsa is a pretty sexual dance yeah?


    why dont you go out with her to these clubs?
    if you dont know how to dance, maybe she could teach you

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 06:43 PM   #4
    Mackenzie
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    Re: dancing with guys

    I agree with Lynn. Your girlfriend isn't doing anything wrong. It's perfectly normal to want time with your friends, regardless of where you spend it at. You're being insecure, sorry.

    Try going out to a club (without your girlfriend) and dancing with other women. Make you feel any differently about her? Of course not. I doubt she feels any differently about you when the night is over too.

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 06:46 PM   #5
    lisa24
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    Re: dancing with guys

    Do you trust her? What's the big deal about dancing with someone.
    It's just a dance, that is unless you don't trust her.

    Should she just sit there and talk to her friends all night. Or should she be able to go out, have a fun night, leaving her a happier person, which only makes for a happier relationship.
    If you attempt to 'give orders' or 'control her behavior', she will only become unhappy with you and the relationship. Not a good way to bring positive vibes to the relationship if you ask me.

    It's just a dance.

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 07:25 PM   #6
    GypsyArcher
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    Re: dancing with guys

    In my case, I would not feel comfortable dancing with another guy. Even though my fiance does not dance, at all, I would not want to see him dancing with another girl. Whether it's overprotective, whether it's possessive...whatever. It doesn't matter. One time at one of my fiance's concerts I got a little too messed up and was dancing with another girl, and I even felt guilty about that (although you won't find too many guys who are going to complain about two girls dancing together!) But I guess there is a marked difference between dancing with another guy in front of your SO and dancing when your SO isn't there. It would also depend on the level of intimacy. If I was not touching the guy, then I think I'd be okay with it. But being wrapped up in his arms, having his arms around my waist, etc - I wouldn't go that far. Just out of respect. Why don't you learn salsa dancing and be her partner?

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 08:29 PM   #7
    Frynd1
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    Re: dancing with guys

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisa24
    Do you trust her? What's the big deal about dancing with someone.
    It's just a dance, that is unless you don't trust her.
    I believe Lisa hit the nail on the head. The issue isn't with her. The issue is whether or not you feel secure in the relationship. However, if you two love each other, then I suppose she should be willing to sacrifice something that makes you feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend and I both feel that as long as it's in good, innocent fun, then it's okay. Good luck

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 10:10 PM   #8
    Snails
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    Re: dancing with guys

    I actually think you are being disturbingly controlling and possessive. I certainly would NEVER want to date a guy who didn't want me touching hands or dancing with other guys!! To me, that's pretty paranoid behavior; while many women find jealousy and over-protectiveness endearing, those are also the women who usually end up with abusive men. Your girlfriend has every right to engage in any platonic activities she wants, including platonic touching, with her guy friends. You do not own her; she is not your property; and you have no right to try to control who she touches. It's really just that simple, and hopefully you either already understand or soon come to understand that fact as you mature.

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 11:12 PM   #9
    ripod
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    Re: dancing with guys

    Snail, I think it was actually harsh. I read one of your post where you may not have been very faithful to your boyfriend (a couple of them according to you). How would you feel if your boyfriend enage in sexual dance such as salsa and touching her back (which is pretty exrotic for me) and touching her hands? I do absoutel do not think he is being controlling at all. I would not like it at all if my girlfriend (if I had one) were to enage in sexual dance and touching his hands. But it's all about trusting and such. Not being controlling. We males do not like having other guy touching our women period and I think most women do feel the same about their loved one.

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 03:35 AM   #10
    realguy
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    Re: dancing with guys

    I see lots of good viewpoints. You can"t control her. If she feels the need to have the physical touching go beyond what the dancing requires, then she either doesn"t respect you or isn"t ready for a serious relationship. Remember,your both only 17. Maybe you should find another girl who shares line of thinking.
    Snails, you were a little presumptious, just because a 17 yr. old boy (or most men) doesn"t want his girlfriend to show sexuality to another (which they both are coming to terms with), doesn"t mean he will be an abuser or there"s less value to the woman who feel the same.

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 12:52 PM   #11
    Snails
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    Re: dancing with guys

    I wasn't at all saying he would definitely become abusive or anything, just that it's inappropriate and unacceptable in my view for a boyfriend (especially a teenage guy) to feel like he has the right to control his girlfriend's body and choices. While this can come across to some people as harmless concern, to me it's clearly possessive and controlling behavior. This sort of jealousy over any platonic contact (excuse me, but I don't accept the argument that touching hands and salsa dancing is sexual contact, and I doubt anyone would consider either behavior cheating) is a huge red flag in my view. Just because you date someone does not mean you own their body and have the right to get jealous over anything except actual cheating. And my point about cheating in the past, not that that's relevant or anything more than a cheap dig at me, was that teenage relationships are almost always immature and relatively short-lived. There's just not the same level of commitment between high school students who still live at home, can't support themselves, and have a while before they will be able to live as independent adults and therefore sustain serious relationships. Cheating on someone that you're dating casually at way too young an age to make a serious commitment (and before most people have fully developed their principles and mature decision-making abilities) is NOT the same as cheating in a mature, committed relationship. Therefore jealousy that might be acceptable for a husband or wife is completely out of line for a teenage guy to display towards a girl he's dating. Until you're either married or old enough to be in a similarly committed relationship, it's not normal nor acceptable, in my opinion, to be even a little bit possessive and controlling. And I completely stand by my view that it's very naive and dangerous for women to perceive these qualities, along with jealousy, as innocent and sweet, because in fact these are disturbing and inappropriate attitudes (which DO tend to escalate over time, as I'm sure any woman who has been abused can verify that the guy became controlling and possessive, like he owned her or considered her his property, before he began actually abusing her).

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 01:22 PM   #12
    Odie2Short
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    Re: dancing with guys

    I dont know, I wouldent liek my girlfriend danceing with other guys , onle beacuase I would feel wierd know other guys are touching her. If I was u I would dance with her. And if that be being way too overprotective then im wayyy over the limit. But my girlfriend understands and she would be upset if I was danceing with other girls too. Salsa danceing i very sexual. Ive seenclassses where they grab brest , hips , thighs , and sumtimes other place. It would severley dicomfort me to see my girl salsa danceing with other guys. But if it is bad I dunno. I jsut would try to talk to her about it or dance with other girls to see if she gets jealous. If not mabye she wants an open relaionship or is looking for other men because u 2 are young. pr mabye she is doing it all in fun. But if she ahs enver asked you too then im not too shure about that. And if ure a man u dont become abbusive , thats what everybody turns too is "The men are gonna be abbusive" Not true @ all.....

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 03:43 PM   #13
    ForgottenFaith
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    Re: dancing with guys

    I'm guy, and from a guy's perspective, I don't think you're being overprotective. It's all the girls who are saying you're being overprotective, but this is such a double-standard. If the tables were turned, they'd be saying that your girl has a right to be jealous that you're dancing with other girls. Someone asked the question whether you trust your girl, and that's a valid question, but it's not even about that. I have a girl and I trust her, but I DON'T trust the GUYS she might be dancing with when she goes out clubbing without me. For all you girls who are saying he's being overprotective, imagine your boyfriend (if you have one) salsa dancing or freaking with another girl, then tell us that we're being overprotective. I think you girls need to factor into the equation that we're guys, and we know how guys are. Guys don't give a damn if a girl has a boyfriend, he'll still run his game, especially with no sign of a boyfriend being around.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    I actually think you are being disturbingly controlling and possessive. I certainly would NEVER want to date a guy who didn't want me touching hands or dancing with other guys!! To me, that's pretty paranoid behavior; while many women find jealousy and over-protectiveness endearing, those are also the women who usually end up with abusive men. Your girlfriend has every right to engage in any platonic activities she wants, including platonic touching, with her guy friends. You do not own her; she is not your property; and you have no right to try to control who she touches. It's really just that simple, and hopefully you either already understand or soon come to understand that fact as you mature.
    Take it easy on the kid. How is he being disturbingly controlling and possessive? You said you wouldn't want a guy who wouldn't let you hold hands with another guys? Then, I suppose by that same standard, you have no problem with your boyfriend dancing with other girls or holding hands with other girls, right? So, if your boyfriend went to a club with his friends, perfectly knowing how girls dress and conduct themselves at clubs, you wouldn't have the slightest problem with that? I find that more disturbing, then this kid's concern that other guys might be rubbing up against his girl or copping a feel. Snails, you're obviously reading and thinking entirely too far into this kid's post.

    Last edited by ForgottenFaith; 04-17-2005 at 07:29 AM.

     
    Old 04-17-2005, 08:44 AM   #14
    NoIdentity
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    Re: dancing with guys

    Hah for some reason I think the people that responded are girls. I think you are being normal, thats exactly how I am. Salsa dancing (I have no idea what that is) sounds pretty close and sexual. Maybe you girls dont get it, but the fear is, is that the guys going to get a bonner when dancing with her and try to take it to the next step. The problem is she may find someone better than him. In which case Id tell her what the deal is. I dont let my girl friend dance with other guys because I know where that goes pretty damn fast.

    As a matter of fact Ive had bad expirences with it, like one time I went to a club and my girl happend to be there and a guy was dancing and grabbing her ***. My first instinct was being territoryal so I went over there and just ended the dance and took the kid out back with my friends and explained to him that I was dating then he trashed talked back so it didnt end to well for the kid. Then I walked in and she started yelling at me that he was cute and whatever and I told her it was over and left and went to a party and got a new girl friend.

    Thats just me and my friends though.

     
    Old 04-17-2005, 03:47 PM   #15
    LIT
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    Re: dancing with guys

    well at least the guys see it from my side!!!

     
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