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  • i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

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    Old 08-21-2005, 11:36 PM   #1
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Posts: 3
    aquafina23 HB User
    i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

    i'm sorry this is so long.. but ..i have been so ******, sad, upset, hurt.. everything u could think of since the beggining of this summer. i was dumped, and i honestly dont have a clue as to why. i cant stop thinking about it, and its been months later. i really need help with moving on from this kid.
    but anyways, this is how it all started. i went on a school trip this april to France with 9 other kids. i knew 2 of the girls that were going and thought it was just gonna be a good time with them, and i didnt even think twice about guys. but then i met "jim", we'll call him. he came on the trip with us. hes a grade younger than me (im a senior), and id never seen him in school or anything, but he was the funniest person id ever met and i was just drawn to him. at first, i didnt think twice about him, and i was just kind of like 'oh.. that kid thats on the trip with us...' but then he started flirting with me, and i started to get to know him, and he just had me under his spell.
    he was so nice to everyone. he was like the "leader" of the group, he was the one everyone loved to be around. he included the kids that were being left out and made them feel a part of the group. he was just the sweetest kid ever.
    we started acting like we were together on this trip even tho we hardly knew each other. we spent every day together walking around France. it was pretty much perfect.
    one night in the hotel room he asked if this was just going to be a "vacation fling." i said definitely not.. and he said that he wanted to continue this when we went back to school. i completley agreed.
    so, when we went back to school, things were awesome. he told his friends that i was his girlfriend, and that made me happy. (he DID act a little strange to me in school, like that i kind of wasnt there, and i had to confront him about it, and he said he was just shy in school, which seemed so out of his character.) we had lunch together everyday and we hung out everyday after school going back to his house to watch tv or go out to eat. it was perfect. no pressure or anything. we just had fun. i was so happy. my last relationship was HORRIBLE, with a HORRIBLE guy, and i just felt sooo lucky to have jim. (and as for his last relationship, well, he had never had one before and said i was the first girl he's ever really liked and ever "gone out" with, so he's pretty much unexperienced.. that could be a problem)
    he'd tell me how he couldnt wait to visit me in college to see me all the time next year and to stay over at my new place.. we we're planning on seeing each other throughout the entire summer AND next school year and i couldnt wait!
    not only was HE perfect, but he lives in an amazing house, his mom is extremely nice and successful, and his stepdad is my art teacher whom is pretty much like a father to me, and who planned the entire france trip w/ jims mom ( he would constantly complain about living in his house tho.. not everything between him and his stepdad was okay.. so that could be another problem) i was looking forward to having a close bond with his family.
    so, my graduation night comes and jim is supposed to be there. he hadnt called me in 3 days which was kind of weird... i didnt let it get to me tho cuz it was graduation night. i had a feeling he didnt show up, so i went home kind of upset. he finally called me later that night and was being really rude to me. i invited him to go to my friends grad party with me thinking hed definitely say yes but he rudely said "no , im going out with my friends instead" so then i said.."okay, but we havent seen each other in a while" and he quickly snapped back with the famous line..."what?..i cant hang out with my friends??" so then we got in our first argument and he said "ill call you later" and then just hung up...well i called him later that night because he obviously didnt. we were talking normal, but i was getting bad vibes. all of a sudden he tells me that "somethings missing" and "we should just be friends." i was so devistated i didnt know what to say. i was more angry than anything. he didnt even give me an explanation and just said "ill call u later this week." well, a week passed and we had breakfast together, which was fine. you could tell we missed each other. thats the last time we hungout alone. now almost 2 months have passed and im still wondering what the heck he did it for. there were no signs of anything.. not one sign. he just FLIPPED.
    but anyways... a couple weeks after breakfast, hed talk to me online and we would talk like we were friends, and i was compltely fine with that. i mean at least hes talking to me , right? so then i hear he has mono, and i didnt hear from him for a little bit.
    then finally i talked to him one day online and he was being rude to me, so i asked him politely why he had a problem with me all of a sudden, and then he just SNAPPED again, telling me that i bother him, and all this stuff. so i just stopped talking to him. but then he continued to talk to me online like nothing happened?! then a couple weeks later, the same thing happened, except it was worse. we were having a pleasant conversation when all of a sudden he starts telling me how miserable i am and how depressing i am and how he cant talk to me because i constantly bring his mood down... it was so out of the blue, and trust me, no one has ever told me those things before. so i know its not true. he really has no reason to tell me that. after that, i just sat there so confused as to WHY this kid that once DROOLED over me and would do ANYTHING for me would snap at me so badly and say such mean things?
    then, the kids that went on the France trip planned a reunion to get together to go out to dinner and stuff. i thought that this was a good time to try to make things better between me and jim. so the night before, he talked to me online and said sorry for being mean, and that he was just angry for no reason. i was really really happy that he apologized and admitted he had no reason to be mad.
    i was so nervous before the "reunion" because i didnt know how we would act around each other after 2 months. believe it or not, when he showed up, he pretty much pretended like i wasnt even there!! he wouldnt even make eye contact or include me in his conversations, yet to all the other kids, he was acting as the friendly, funny jim that everyone knew him by on our trip to France, and just left me out. i just didnt get it. i was so hurt i wanted to leave so badly and just cry.
    the next day, he talked to me online and told me that i was "miserable the whole day" and was acting like a huge b**ch to him, even tho i wasnt!! i was acting as pleasant as possible so nothing bad would happen, yet he tells me that i was being sarcastic and mean. i told him that if i WAS acting like that it was because i was still bitter and angry for him breaking things off with me for no reason. he then said to me "stop talking to me because i dont feel like typing anymore." and thats the last time i talked to him. i miss him so much.. more than anything. id do anything just to talk to him again and talk things out.

    i dont blame u if you are as confused as i am. i still dont know what i did wrong, and i swear im telling the whole story. im too affraid to call him and ask or anything because he'll just snap at me!!
    please , someone give me your take on this situation.
    my question is.. why is he being SO cruel to me when he used to be the sweetest thing in the world?? what changed his mind? because i honestly cant see what went so wrong... i just need someones take on it.
    thanks, and sorry this was so long and confusing.

    it's literally all i can think about, STILL, and im so hurt by this. i honestly havent got a clue why hes being so mean and affraid to go off to college still feeling this way. its made me feel worthless like i did something wrong, even tho i know i really didnt. thanks alot for reading all of this.

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    Old 08-22-2005, 05:09 AM   #2
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    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Posts: 38
    unknowntoall HB User
    Re: i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

    Wow, now that was one helluva story! Kid, maybe it's all him. Maybe this has nothing to do with you and he is taking out his anger on you because you care. I know that sounds weird, but sometimes people have this defense where if they have no one in the world to open up to, and they keep everything down, and finally someone cares so much for them, it scares them a little. He could purposely try to push you away if he is scared. Maybe he needs some help with himself before he can concentrate on others.

    Old 08-22-2005, 01:05 PM   #3
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Posts: 3
    aquafina23 HB User
    Re: i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

    Yeah, thats what some people have actually told me.. that it's all him. which i might agree with. thanks for replying

    Old 08-23-2005, 12:16 PM   #4
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    Posts: 18
    superchick_4u HB User
    Re: i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

    You know I went through the same thing a while back with a guy. If you're telling the whole truth then it is completely HIS FAULT! I spent month dwelling over the guy becuase of his stupidity, what is the use??????? I don't wich the same thing on you, so PLEASE don't let him ruin anymore of your life. The best thing you can do is hang out with your girlfirends and stop running the situation over and over in your head. The guy "Jim" has some SERIOUS ISSUES and he needs to deal with them on his own. The only other thing I can say is be glad that you found out who he really is, before things got more serious! God will provide you with your prince charming, so what do you have to worry about?


    Old 08-23-2005, 04:44 PM   #5
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    Location: mia, florida
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    ~charlotte08~ HB User
    Re: i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

    Maybe he heard a rumor or something. That's what happened to me. My ex treated me like a jerk because of a stupid rumor he heard about me having sex with someone else. Or maybe it could be that he thinks that you're going to leave him for other guys (you are going to college, you know). Whatever the reason is, he shouldn't treat you like that. You are a WOMAN not a thing you could just scream and yell at. Let him know that you're not up for his crap. As for you, there are many more guys out there. I know how you feel. My ex bf broke it off with me supposely cause of a rumor that I had sex. I couldn't stop thinking about him and I thought I'd never forget him. I thought he would come back to me. WRONG!!! I haven't seen him in MONTHS and now I have a new bf. My current bf made me forget about my ex ( it was not an easy job). I loved my ex bf soo much to the point that I just cried and cried like I never did in my life. I suffered for him. I almost cut my veins for him! Well, anywayz, I hope it all works out for you and I hope you are happy. Blessings.
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    Old 08-23-2005, 09:47 PM   #6
    Join Date: Aug 2005
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    aquafina23 HB User
    Re: i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

    aww thank u so much for that message. it was really nice and helpful. i just hope everyones right about this.. and im hoping it really is him and not me. and yeah i should really stop dwelling on it. it's not worth it, is it

    Old 08-27-2005, 10:12 PM   #7
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Posts: 53
    RachelGrace HB User
    Re: i cant stop thinking about it, its getting ridiculous

    I've been going through the same sort of thing. I had the best boyfriend in the whole world... he never treated me different around his friends, he made the sweetest comments right when I needed them, and was basically my whole world. He never got really close physically though. (He held my hand and kissed me on the cheek once) He was always telling me online how he missed me, etc. So things were getting closer between us(he told a friend that he wanted to be "more romantic" with me, and seemed to be doing that), then suddenly, out of the blue, he dumped me. He never gave me any reason or explanation for it. I heard from some people that "I changed a lot", and from others that he "couldn't handle a relationship". He admitted that those weren't the real reasons, and told two of my close friends the real reason, but made them promise not to tell me. I still wonder sometimes if he ever liked me... or if he was just taking advantage of me in some way. Anyhow, not that long after, he started being really rude to me. The thing that really sticks out in my mind was the time he told me that I "was the worst thing that happened to me since I was born". Completely unprovoked. Then he's been criticizing me all the time, and being really stuck up. Suddenly, the next moment, he's being nice again. Then I thought that I could confide in him about my health issues that I had started having, thinking that he would care. I did that, and he seemed concerned, but then every time I needed to talk to him about it or risk completely losing it, he would just disappear or find some excuse not to be there. I spent a lot of time crying and/or going home sick because of that. I have no clue what this year is going to be like; he's still going to be at school, and I'm still having health problems (which the doctors haven't diagnosed... nor seem apt to do so). I never found out why he dumped me. I simply can't stop thinking about it!

    I tell you this so you know that you're not alone. I really think that it was "Jim's" fault, same as it was probably my boyfriend's fault. It aggrivates us, to know that we may never know why our boyfriend dumped us. I've learned that it's best to just put it behind us; we can't change the past. It's hard to forget, to feel like it wasn't really our fault. It might take time, but knowing that there is somebody out there that cares about you more than your boyfriend did will really help. It's helped me.

    I hope this has in some way helped you!


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