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  • I feel bad for my mom, what can I do?

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    Old 10-20-2006, 06:08 PM   #1
    SkuNumbers
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    Arrow I feel bad for my mom, what can I do?

    I am an 18 yr old freshman in college. I commute to school during the week, work on the weekends. It's the same for my 22 yr old brother, only he's close to graduating. My father works as a salesman and most of the time, isn't around the house. When he is, his absentmindedness drives my mom crazy. She always has to clean up after him, remind him of things. Which brings me to the problem. My mom is a 51 yr old housewife. She cooks, she cleans, that's it. She doesn't have a friend in the world. She has not kept in touch with anyone from high school. She went to one semester of county college...Her family situation is messed up. Her mom died years ago and her father is a loser. He's always been a deadbeat and is a real narcisscist; he's completely in love with himself and puts everyone else down to make himself feel better. My mom's only brother is a born again Christian that doesn't really want anything to do with the rest of his family because we don't share his warped beliefs. My mom used to work a lot when she was younger; she was an assistant manager at a clothing store and head teller for years at a bank. Now, she has no desire (I think she's just scared to leave the house) to work. I feel so bad for her...she got married and her life was over. By 7:00 she's in her pajamas watching TV. And my mom is such a nice, pretty lady. She's in great shape. She takes excellent care of herself and her family.

     
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    Old 10-20-2006, 07:19 PM   #2
    Tiea
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    Re: I feel bad for my mom, what can I do?

    Does your mum have any interests outside of the house? Because there always seem to be groups popping up for women with particular interests, whether it be a craft group, gardening group, whatever. There are also support groups for women in your mums situation where they can get out and meet people. I'm not sure if you have a similar system to us, but do you have community colleges near where you live for people to take courses in things that interest them.. painting, cooking, whatever.

    There are groups out there for all kinds of things, seh just needs to get out there and find them.

     
    Old 10-20-2006, 07:35 PM   #3
    Iwant2quit
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    Re: I feel bad for my mom, what can I do?

    I don't really know what to say except I am the woman (minus a few issue's I have) your mom is. I am here every day for my kids, I take them wherever they need to go (exception if I am totally burned out) and I am the one they know they can tell everything to. I do over react but I over react in the way I let them know I understand etc. Their dad however, totally goes balistac and accuses them of doing everything wrong etc, they are alway doing drugs, sex, up to no good, but in reality the sober day he will say they are great kids and how proud he is. As far as I go, all I want for me to be happy (which you should really listen to) is that my kids are happy! And when I say happy, I don't want them to settle for some guy / girl to make false. I want my child to just do a little better than me. I graduated from high school and so did dad. So if I get that out of them, I know they will expect just a little more out of their kids and eventually (even though I will be gone by then) their kids kid will do better than them. I tell them I want them to get a good education so they don't have to suffer like me (like your mom, she is dependendt on your dad and hiding that fact). Iwant them to be free to have enough money to take care of them and 10 kids if they had to. I want my son to be the same way, I want him to take care of his kids and I want him to be INVOLVED. You sound so much like my kid talking to me right now! Us parents (your dad and mom) love you very much, but what kids don't know is it is a TOUGH JOB being a PARENT. When you have a baby it brings so much JOY, but it sure did not tell us how to deal with everything and to try and deal with it and smile all day how do I do that? We get stressed, we say things we probably don't mean (we should/I do appoligize). Keep your head up and keep YOU focused on YOU and your mom well just hug her, give her gifts (as I am sure she doesn't get much of from her husband) and most of all just spend TIME with her, take her to the movies take her out and show her the life out there, don't talk about dad or problems just ENJOY your time with her and she will feel VERY SPECIAL and the problems at home will feel so little to her. She just wants you to be happy and to have a happy family! I am rambling I know, but this hit HOME! So you as a kid (even though you are in college,you are a kid) just enjoy your life, but dont be to selfish and forget mom, take care of mom, but not out of feeling sorry for her, but because you want to! She is your mother and she hung in there to see you to be "HAPPY"
    She dreams to see you be BETTER THAN HER! Us parents are not jealous we are happy you do better!!!!!!!! SO GO FOR IT, DO BETTER AND GET GOOD GRADES, AND BE A DOCTOR, NURSE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!

     
    Old 10-21-2006, 01:08 AM   #4
    JinL
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    Re: I feel bad for my mom, what can I do?

    What is wrong with her life?

    Maybe she likes being a housewife. She raised her children, takes care of her ailing husband, and likes to relax now in the evenings watching TV.

    She sounds like millions of moms.

     
    Old 10-21-2006, 06:50 AM   #5
    SkuNumbers
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    Re: I feel bad for my mom, what can I do?

    My mom would scoff at taking any type of class. She doesn't like to meet new people. Even when my dad's company has get-togethers, he always has to twist her arm to get her to go.

     
    Old 10-21-2006, 05:25 PM   #6
    Tiea
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    Re: I feel bad for my mom, what can I do?

    If you don't think she'll go out on her own, then you're going to need to drag her out. Enrol her in something that you know she will find interesting or bring her home information on groups in your area.

     
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