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Used and Abused

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Old 05-27-2012, 09:32 PM   #1
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Question Used and Abused

This is a part of my life, that has impacted me in a big way. I appreciate any advice and input.

Just having turned 15, I was happy to say the least. I was innocent, pure in the very sense of the word. I had dreams of having a wonderful high school experience and then going off to university. I even thought that there was no such thing as evil intentions, and evil deeds. I thought that everyone was either nice or just mean because they choose to be. Guess you could say I was naive. Maybe also a dreamer.

Then 2 weeks after my birthday, I met my abuser. Of course, like any naive 15-year-old, I thought this would be my knight in shining armor, who would never hurt - always protect me. I never knew what he was capable of, and a part of me didn't want to believe he could ever hurt me. He acted all sweet and caring at the beginning. And since it was my first relationship he melted me right away. He rushed right into a relationship with me, and tried to get closer - as fast as he could.

I enjoyed most of my time with him. We'd talk, laugh, kiss and bit, then talk some more. I thought he really did care about me. He tricked me. He told me he loved me, and that he wanted to please me. He told me that it would be alright. And I trusted him.

He insulted my intelligence saying that it didn't matter if he was in the 11th grade and getting much lower grades than I, that I was still "not at his level". Sometimes he would even say the most horrible things ever like, "I could never imagine sleeping with you." "You annoy me... sod off." "Can't you do anything right." "You don't deserve me." But I never wanted to believe all that. Something was wrong, I could feel it... but I just didn't know what it was. I had no idea I was being abused to such a degree. He is arrogant, selfish, rude, and has no character at all. I asked myself all the time, "Why would he treat someone he 'loves' this way? How could he not seem to care at all? Why does he keep trying to bring me down?"

He went so far as to insult my $80 birthday present to him, saying, that "It was too manly for a boy like him." And he NEVER gave me anything as or more expensive than I had. After this I decided it was the last straw, and broke up with him. Even with the look he gave me, I still managed to. He ignored me. He ignored me until I couldn't take it anymore. Then shortly after, I got back together with him. (I took the first step, foolish me, I know!) The problem was that I was too emotionally attached to let go. I even overheard him later on near the permanent end of our relationship talking to his friend saying "She couldn't resist getting back with me."

He also went out with his friends to a party and never even invited me, instead he expected me to actually ASK to be invitied. At this point, I felt like a REAL object. With the user coming and using it, and then going away. He called me at ridiculous times from now on. Early mornings, middle of the nights, until my mom got upset and picked up the phone to tell him off. Throughout the whole relationship it was always, "I'm going to be with you when I want, and not when I don't want." He even called me narrow-minded in front of my parents at a restaurant because I thought eating shark fin soup and dog was a horrible thing.

The latest thing he would do was lose control and instead of a mild outburst, he would yell in my face and brutally insult and hurt me. One day I picked up the phone, did not provoke an argument in any way and he yelled,"we're over!!!!" After that, I had never contacted him again. He showed no interest or anything. Whenever I was near, he didn't even say hi. He treats me like a ghost even today and I can't wait until he's gone from highschool so I can be in grade 12 without ever seeing him again.

He damaged me, before I ever saw it. And even today, I have no idea what to think of it. I never knew someone could ever be so heartless, like an empty shell with absolutely no soul inside. No character. Just plain stupidity, and perhaps a mental disorder.

What do you guys think? What should I do? Besides, I have already vowed to myself that since I didn't have actual sex with him (thank God for that), that I will wait for marriage, or at least an extremely committed engagement. I will never EVER EVER EVER, let myself be pushed around that way. Unfortunantely I have lost a lot, but at least there's always a good thing that comes from something bad...

Last edited by Administrator; 05-27-2012 at 10:03 PM.

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Old 05-28-2012, 02:40 AM   #2
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Re: Used and Abused

It is horrible that your first serious relationship was to a person like this. The best thing to come out of it is that you have learned what a good relationship is not! You got taken in by a nasty narcissistic bully. He conned you to start with, and once you were on the hook, his true nature came into play. You may feel that he took a lot from you, but you came out of the other end without losing your strong inner belief in yourself (that shines through your letter), and without having the memory of sex with this person. If he tries to "punish" you by spreading lies or anything like that, just know that the people who know and care for you will not be fooled, and also that you won't be the only one who is wise to his behavior. Hold your head high,Sera

Last edited by Seraph; 05-28-2012 at 02:42 AM. Reason: Typo

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Angeliaire (05-28-2012)
Old 05-30-2012, 09:07 PM   #3
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Re: Used and Abused

You have learned a valuable life lesson...I'm sorry you had to learn it the hard way. Not everyone can be trusted, just because they seem like a nice, decent person...people have ways of hiding their true selves.

I commend your decision to not have sex until your married...most teenagers have no such now days is just a given, a part of life. Young people don't understand that it is supposed to be a very special experience shared between to people who truly love, respect and trust each other.

The next guy that comes along that your interested in...take things a little slower, get to know the real him before you give a piece of yourself and your heart away, guard your heart and protect yourself from hurt. Your young you've got plenty of time left for life to hurt you. And if this happens again, don't stay and take it, you deserve far better...the next time the guy your with proves to be a nasty, mean, disrespectful jerk, call it off when it first starts. Nobody has to take that kind of treatment from a guy.

I'm sorry that you had to witness this hurt and humiliation first hand, but in some ways it does make you stronger and it teaches you what to look for in the next guy, it definitely teaches you what you don't want and aren't willing to put up with.

Hang in there,


Old 05-31-2012, 02:32 PM   #4
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Re: Used and Abused

I used to think people were better than they really are. I never really knew it could get that bad. But now that I'm aware, I will definitely take things slower. I was too 'easy' for him because I didn't know any better. For sure though, I will set my boundaries and follow them, regardless of whoever is with me in my next relationship. Thanks a bunch!
- Angel

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emotional abuse, relationship, sexual abuse

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