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Hesitant to Say - Depressed or overreacting?


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Old 11-27-2014, 10:13 PM   #1
Laur881
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Hesitant to Say - Depressed or overreacting?

I'm a high-school student, and I recently had another episode of explosive anger and a fit of crying. This isn't uncommon for me, and honestly, I cannot remember when I started feeling this way. I've been really strung up on my overall mental condition for quite a period of time, but I've always put it off and told myself that I have a very good life and should be grateful for everything I have. But now that I'm older I began to think that what if my life was and is not okay..

The first sign that might be affecting me is that my family has never been a very stable family. Our financial state is pretty horrendous, so I always try to save money and deny myself things I actually want to get or do. Also, my parents cannot get along at all and argue practically every day. They are to the point where they even distrust each other going out. One parent has a rather sharp tongue, and makes fun of everything about me, from my figure to my mistakes. Although that might just be his/her sense of humor, it really got to me and I'm really insecure and have no confidence at all. I also think that this parent is also depressed since he/she is unemployed and stays at home every day. My other parent works all day long, doesn't do much, and is, i think, addicted to technology to try to ignore my other parent’s constant scolding. I love them both so very much, though.

Second, I've lost motivation is school, and recently I've taken to sleeping during class, not doing homework, and not studying for assessments. This is partly because I believe I’m not smart, as my grades have been consistently in the B range. This is totally different from me before, as in previous years, I would feel dread and fear of getting a bad grade, but now I don't really care. I just don't feel any emotion, which really bugs me, ironically. I've also lost interest in my previous passion of reading and have taken to binge watching tv shows and eating incessantly. Those two activities are like the only things that I do not have to force myself to do. I am now overweight and I bash myself for this because I hate my figure and hate people seeing me in this disgusting state. I'm not sure if this is a part of me trying to relieve my pain and stress the wrong way or if I'm just lazy and have no willpower. Because if it’s the latter, and not a mental condition, then I really need to work on my life skills to improve myself.

Next, I'm quite social, I would say, but then I am also antisocial in a way that I don't know how to talk to some people and am very awkward. I have no idea why, but I seem to have difficulty bonding with other people and keeping friends. I can’t keep conversations going, and I can never think of any interesting to talk about. Everything that comes out of my mouth isn’t reflecting my beliefs and thought process, it doesn’t have any real value behind it. I am never invited to parties and outings, and if I am, i get really self-conscious at the occasion and turn into a very outgoing, loud person in contrast to my usually quiet, reserved self.

Anyways, I have been feeling very discouraged and apathetic, and I've always wondered if I really had depression or if I'm just going through those teenager phases. I feel so empty and hopeless sometimes that I believe I do, but then I deny it and then the whole cycle just keeps going around and around. I would be really grateful for some reflection on my situation and also some advice. Anything would help me, I believe, in figuring out my situation and determining what I am going through. Thank you so much.

Last edited by Administrator; 11-28-2014 at 08:51 AM.

 
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Old 12-22-2014, 05:40 AM   #2
MSNik
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Re: Hesitant to Say- Depressed or overreacting?

Laur881,
Hi there. Is there a counselor at school you can confide in? An older sibling or trusted aunt/ uncle or grandparent in the picture?
It does sound like depression. Not caring, when you used to care, is a sign that something is off internally. You are going through quite a bit with your family situation and not having supportive parents is enough to make anyone sad or depressed! Especially during the holidays when you are seeing nothing but happy families on TV.
I really think this is treatable. And, as far as you not feeling "smart" - look again! You were smart enough to identify all your feelings and put them on paper. You sound incredibly intelligent in your post!
Please try to find someone to share this with. You deserve to be happy and it isnt hopeless. You said nothing here which other people havent been through and overcome with the right help.
PLease try to find it.
Happy holidays. You are not alone and please post whenever you feel the need to reach out.
MSNik
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Last edited by MSNik; 12-22-2014 at 08:17 AM.

 
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