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TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint Message Board

Anyone with family that doesn't understand our pain?

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Old 05-10-2003, 09:02 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: O.C.,California
Posts: 78
uscoastiewife HB User
Angry Anyone with family that doesn't understand our pain?

It sounds like a lot of people on the boards have understanding husbands.I use to be very energetic and do all the cleaning and everything.My husband is telling me tonight to quit my complaining.I need him to help clean the kitchen and one other room.My teeth ache(from clenching).I have a headache.We have someone coming here on Monday for an appointment for my little one.I will cancel if he doesn't help me out.My neck is killing me.Nothing gets done around here!My mom sits and compares my pain to her arthritis.(which I might have also).I would rather have pain in my other joints than my jaw and face.(your head,shoulders,neck and back come along with it!)There is no comparison to headaches,head and face numbness,teeth aching......and the rest.Your head is your well-being.Mine is tight and it feels like the whole inner lining is numb from being tight for so long.This is constant.Holding my head up all day feels like it's taking all my muscles.The physical therapy people are going to work on me.My husband doesn't get it!!!A little headache once a year has him squirming around in bed.My mom keeps asking why I'm wasting all my money going to so many Docs.Well she would too if she felt like this!!Anything to get my health back!!!I'm already stressed out.And them not helping me with the house without being asked for a few weeks straight makes it worse.Stress gave me TMJ in the first place!The house started to look really bad!I actually like to clean.My cheeks tense up,and I get headaches with real physical work.People say you need to iliminate stress in your life.How???
I love having a little boy (2 yrs.)Always wanted kids.I love my job.(I work with special ed. kids)I'm married.I have everything I wanted.I was a happy,outgoing,strong,energetic person.I just want to feel normal again!I have 2-3 appointments every week for the past I don't know how many months.(tried chiro,oral surg,dentist,acupuncture........and more.)I'm sick of appointments!I work too,so I have to rush home,get my little one ready,go to a useless appointment,then feed and do everthing else for my little guy,then my husband gets home (late)and wants to go to bed.Please tell me if anyone has pretty much overcome symptoms over time.I started PT(1 time so far)Will a few weeks make me better?How have you helped symptoms?(without medication to cover up symptoms)
Sorry this was long this time.I generally am use to my pain,but whe I told hubby to help feed the little guy and clean,he told me to stop complaining!

[Edited to remove (suggestive) derogatory cuss words. The word "complaining" is better. Thanks for your cooperation - Well-come Moderator.]

[This message has been edited by Well-come (edited 05-11-2003).]

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Old 05-11-2003, 01:36 PM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 469
TC543 HB User
Red face

Wow! Not a very nice way to treat you right before Mother's Day! I guess it is difficult to have to hear your spouse complaining all the time, but THEY would be too if it was can count on that!! Your husband has got to understand that you need help. He should understand this even if you WEREN'T hurting so badly. When you are hurting it should be a no-brainer. Even when I am just worrying about something and not even hurting, my house kinda falls apart.

I hope your husband comes to his senses and realizes what you need from and compassion would be nice for starters..and how about some respect thrown in there too.

Good luck and Happy Mother's Day!!

[This message has been edited by totallyconfused (edited 10-29-2003).]

Old 05-11-2003, 09:13 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,579
CherylL24 HB UserCherylL24 HB UserCherylL24 HB User

Hey There,
I agree. Maybe you could print him out some info on TMJ, and if that doesn't work, tell him to read this board once in awhile!!!!! I hope that he "wakes up" for you.

Last edited by CherylL24; 11-04-2003 at 08:53 PM.

Old 05-12-2003, 08:11 AM   #4
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Long Beach, CA, USA
Posts: 369
HRevero HB User

Oh USCoast, I am so sorry to hear that no one is understanding over there. I don't know if it would help to sit down and talk to your husband about how you are feeling. For me it is really hard to put my pain into words- the words seem to make it sound too little. He does not know what you are going through because he is not going through it. I know what you mean about the cleaning, I can't clean that much either, I try but I can't do all of it. I have told my husband that one of the biggest things that I can't clean is the bathtub. He says okay (but do you know the last time he cleaned it?) If I were you even though it can be very frustrating don't yell at your husband because he just doesn't get it, and clean only what you can. I guess what I am trying to say is be subtle. Instead if telling him, show him what you can do (ICE afterwards). If this is not enough for him too bad. He will probably realize after awhile. If he asks why the rest of the house is not clean tell him that is as much as yuo can do. With your mother, I don't know what would help.

Old 05-12-2003, 09:27 AM   #5
katte 28
Posts: n/a

Hi ,
I wanted to mention that I know how the person that posted this topic feels. My boyfriend is understanding most of the time , but once and awhile , he'll get frustrated..And remind me to do the dishes. I force myself to do them , even if I have the world's worst headache. Most days , I'd rather not do them. On bad days , I want to throw the dishes away and use paper plates.
As for my mother , she finally got the picture ! I have TMJ and Fibro. After I told her about FMS , she looked it up on the Internet. And she looked up TMJ , too. Last time she came to visit , she cleaned half the Apt. for me , ran errands , paid off some of my TMJ bills and gave me a huge hug ! She said she felt bad for me and that life is not fair..but we will fight my health problems together ! I almost fainted from the shock ! Before this she kept telling me that I'm " just depressed " and that if I tried to feel better , I'd snap out of it. Finally , she believes me. I think she would do more , but she has a life , too , you know ? As for the rest of my family , my brother is sympathetic but the rest ? Nope , I think most of them just think I'm lazy or feeling sorry for myself. They thought I was lazy before all of this , because I was headed for a career as an artist. So , I don't care who believes me now. If they do fine , if not , okay. My closest friends understand ( or try to ) and my mother and boyfriend try their best , also. Which is more than I could ever ask for...I'm so lucky. I feel so bad for those of you that don't have understanding friends and family. It's tough but who knows ? They might come around..They might feel frustated and helpless , too. As far as housework goes , I do what I can. If it doesn't get done , oh well...Maybe I'll try later , the next day or never. I do things in segments , now. My boyfriend used to complain about the state of the house , too. He shuts up , now. After , I told him - TOUGH..DEAL WITH IT ! Okay , I have gone on long enough..Have a good day , guys ! Take it easy !
Katte 28

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