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TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint Message Board

My Birthday Present...

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Old 09-23-2003, 05:16 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Brantford, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 71
Jamie HB User
Unhappy My Birthday Present...

Ok, so tomorrow is my birthday (24th, thank you)

So, my girlfriend gave me my present today. Now, let me start off by saying that my girlfriend has been very understanding about what I am going through. She has been there for a shoulder to cry on (it's hard breaking past the macho man stereotype and crying, but it happens. We're human). She's been with me at appointments, and she often speaks up to a doctor who just wants to pass me off with no answers...

I am confused by her gift. She bought me tickets to see a Vegas Show band called "The Rat Pack". These guys from Vegas do a complete makeover of the Rat Pack concerts in Vegas (Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr & Dean Martin) The concert is on Thursday in Hamilton. We're on the 1st balcony.

I like all types of music, but when my girlfriend and I met, we found it kinda "cool" that we both liked Sinatra and old school lounge music. So, we'd often talk about how cool it would be to see them when they were alive. How cool it'd be to BE alive back then to witness the magic. So, I understand the symbol of the gift.

I guess I am confused, because maybe she doesn't understand what I am going through. NOISE does HURT me. It makes me grind, cringe and jump. Noise plugs up my right ear, and makes my ears ring loudly with tinnitus. It drives me nuts. Awhile back, I went to a Blue Rodeo concert that we had bought tickets for in November (before my sensitivity to noise) I went and stuck it out with ear plugs (a crappy brand) and I paid for it for days after...

I am going to go, no question. I am going to buy some good ear plugs. I LOVE the gift, but she did pick up on my fear. I guess I don't get it. I guess I am a bit dissapointed in the fact that maybe she doesn't understand what I am going through.. I WANT to go to this concert badly, I am GOING to go... I guess I am just confused.

I am also SCARED as anything to go. I don't want to cause further damage. I don't want my ears to ring loudly, I HATE that feeling. Any suggestions?

I am trying to live my life as normal as I can... I hate these fears and anxiety's.
The search for a diagnosis is long and painful...

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Old 09-23-2003, 07:00 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 646
saaraah HB User

jamie, i know what you mean about people having good intentions, but most just dont get *it*. there is no way for them to comprehend what we're going thru unless they are in our skins. it's similar to how i dont know how it's like to be a guy.. i have no way of comprehending what it's really like - sure i have my ideas, but i imagine they're way off. hehe

i would try to accept the gift with an open heart and mind [which sounds like you are] and try not to worry about her not getting it - the pain, ear problems, etc. she obviously loves you tremendously and cares deeply about you.

have a great time.. and try to find decent ear plugs.

- saaraah.

Old 09-23-2003, 07:48 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 154
Isobelj HB User

Maybe your girlfriend wants you to have a very good time at the concert and feels you could somehow shake off the ear sensitivity for one evening. I think though that, in your shoes, I'd say thanks and I love you for it but my ears aren't up to it now (this is just me, I'm not saying you should say this).

Recently I went to see a film, my ears seemed to have got somewhat better (that is by then I could bear shopping malls and the accompanying noise fairly well when a few weeks before I was feeling as if sound waves in a mall were literally beating me over the head) and the film wasn't showing long, I wanted to see it. That was the first time I've tried to go to the cinema since I developed ear sensitivity eight weeks ago and I reasoned I wouldn't be grinding or sitting uncomfortably so it should be ok. To my dismay I paid for it too, for days, I really didn't expect it, but the noise alone caused spasms, weakness, trembling, it was quite horrible and indeed frightening. I still have a muscle mass in my cheek which came up and hardened then with the spasms. Now I'm trying not to do anything to cause such setbacks, I feel that avoiding loud noise is an important part of curing myself, and also if I do manage to stay quietly at home (I'm a grad student working at home mostly so this is possible) my ears improve a lot, I can go a whole day with no rumblings etc. in them now though I still have tmj symptoms. Sooner or later I'm determined to be really, completely, better, then I will go to concerts etc., but I don't want to sabotage myself now thus making that ear & tmj recovery further off/less likely. I've made this clear to friends, and they may forget from time to time but they respect it and it's up to me to remind people, and after all others don't want to see me a trembling wreck in pain after noise exposure. Only you know how you feel with loud noise and others won't understand unless you clearly let them know whenever necessary, your ears and hearing are not okay now and that is very important and to be taken seriously, after all you only get one pair in your whole life.


Old 09-23-2003, 08:16 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,179
TiffanyAnn HB User

Hi Jamie:
Your girlfriend sounds very understanding and kind and it also sounds like she wouldn't do anything intentionally that would hurt you. Here is what I have come to understand about others understanding my pain with TMJ or any other condition for that matter. People who have not suffered though what we are going through truthfully just cannot understand our pain. Someone on this list once told me this so I stopped to think about it. My Dad died of cancer. I was the person who took my Dad to all his appointments, to radiation, to chemo, to all his doctors. I loved my Dad more than anyone else on earth. He suffered greatly before his death and I watched him and I felt terrible for him but the truth is that I don't really know what he suffered because I have not had cancer and suffered through radiation and chemo. People may listen and they may care but others can't know exactly what you are suffering through because quite simply they haven't experienced it themselves.

Old 09-24-2003, 09:54 PM   #5
Michelle W
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: MO
Posts: 489
Michelle W HB User

A fellow Libra! Happy Birthday! Mine is on Friday. I think your girl friend has very good intentions. She is probably thinking about the past talks you had about the Brat Pack. She is being sentimental. I am sure she knows that the noise is hard on you, but she doesn't understand how severely it affects you. I don't think people are able to comprehend how bad it is. You know my husband did something similiar. He wanted me to go see a Cubian Band at the college. I went ahead and went. I did not enjoy it. Actually, I had to get up and go out several times. At the end I went outside and waited for him until it was over. I couldn't hack it for the entire production. Good luck with your decision, and I understand how you feel hurt. She is listening. She just doesn't get it. Neither did my husband, but he is paying for my surgery and braces.

Old 09-25-2003, 05:43 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 646
saaraah HB User

jamie - ooops hehe... i forgot to wish you a happy birthday in my message to you. i hope you had a great and happy day!

- saaraah.

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