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Freaking DH can't BD

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Old 11-24-2005, 03:12 PM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 268
savanannastar HB User
Freaking DH can't BD

Help,Husband all of a sudden this month is having trouble getting a erection,Not having trouble he just can't I am freaking.We are so ttc.I am so worried this will last and he does'nt have any insurance so going to specialist and all that is something we just can't afford.He is 40 and I am 9 years younger.I am so worried and we never had any problems before.Of all the things I have to do and chart and all that over ovulation stuff now I have to worry if we can even BD and that is the most important step of all.

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Old 11-24-2005, 03:17 PM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 440
Hellokitty1973 HB User
Re: Freaking DH can't BD

It could just be an off month for him.. or sometimes the pressure of TTC can be stressful for man, too.. thus leading to the erection issues. Is he feeling stressed at work or anywhere else that could be adding to this?

Best of luck to you!

Old 11-24-2005, 07:10 PM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 459
faeriegirl25 HB User
Re: Freaking DH can't BD

I can totally relate with you savanna, when dh and I first started TTC.. it was real bad. I know that this is a stressful time for you but there are some things that you can do to try and alleviate any pressure that he may be feeling right now. Maybe you can mention to him that you want to stop focusing so much on trying and just make it you and him. No man likes to feel like he is a sperm donor, and my dh felt this way often. One thing that I did, was I stopped mentioning to him when I was O'ing.. if he doesn't know that its the time, then there is no pressure for him to perform. Also, don't let him see you upset, this will stress him out even more bec he will feel like he is letting you down.

I hate to see you going through this hun, its hard enough trying to time it.. let alone have another thing to make it seem impossible. Maybe you can wear something sexy for him or do something romantic together to really spice things up. When he realizes that its about him and not just about a child, he will start feeling better.

Take Care

Old 11-24-2005, 07:44 PM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 332
chysmom HB User
Re: Freaking DH can't BD

Maybe the stress of ttc is something that is getting to him. My Dh was the same way after a while. It was the stress getting to him. Once I said we would stop ttc and just let it happen he was fine. Also I had to pamper him some. Show him that having sex with him wasnt a mission all of the time to have a child. Once he knew I wasnt using him he was fine. Hope all works out.

Old 11-25-2005, 06:30 AM   #5
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 754
here4support HB User
Re: Freaking DH can't BD

I'm going to agree with the others that have said TTC is very stressful on the male (just as it is on us). The husband, boyfriend, male has just as much pressure if not more.

Try something a little different....try not "telling" him *when* you need to baby dance....this past month when I felt that I was ovulating, instead of saying to DH "Can we have sex" I just went upstairs put on a nighty and then washed some dishes and just walked around in front of him....after about 20min he was attacking me! lol....this isn't something I've EVER done before, and well, this time it worked. I can't say it will work every time, but I tried something different. It was great because he was erect and was able to ejaculate with NO PROBLEM, he didn't even know I thought I was ovulating...

Then two days later he asked me when the *good* days are this month...I told him, not to worry about it..I told him I wasn't going to tell him anymore cause it causes him to stress...he didn't say I am assuming I was right

Try it! If you have to wait things off this month, try it next month but don't make him feel bad for not being able to bd this month. He could be under many different stresses to cause him to not be able to ......Hope this helps!

Old 11-25-2005, 06:08 PM   #6
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 268
savanannastar HB User
Re: Freaking DH can't BD

Thanks so much guys!I really hope this is the problem stress and not medically.I will definitly try the not telling him and see how it works.I just hope he will be in the mood and not tired etc,when I try to time it with out telling him I am about to O.Good luck to you all

Old 11-25-2005, 10:14 PM   #7
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 77
shawnab HB User
Re: Freaking DH can't BD

Husband and I tcc. Im afraid Ive given him anxiety due to the fact Im so into BD'ing now and it has a purpose. Opps.

Last edited by shawnab; 01-20-2006 at 09:59 PM. Reason: husband may read post

Old 11-28-2005, 04:22 AM   #8
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 69
SeekNfind HB User
Re: Freaking DH can't BD

yeah, i'm with you Shawnab.....DH couldn't frustrating! I started thinking it's me.....and was really bothered. It must have been horrible for him though....having to just "give up". I really don't think we BD'd enough.....but what to do? I think that the opinions here are great....we shouldn't mention when we O'd....maybe not even talk about TTC........this month, I took the Clomid and the needles and my hubby doesn't even know.....we tried a couple of months ago...and it didnt this time...I just repeated everything without his knowledge about the meds. Too much pressure for him.......I'm with you on the whole "unable to perform" issue.......sometimes I think that life has a sick sense of humour!

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