TTC without DH knowing

Blastoff9600

Sorry that is just the wrong thing to do to someone you love and trust. How would you feel if he decided to get a vasectomy without telling you? Granted not the exact same but you get the idea. You are going to try to get pregnant without talking to you husband about it and say it was an accident could ruin your relationship. If he finds out he wont be able to trust you and he could wind up resenting both you and your child.
If he doesnt want a child right now you need to respect that. You can try talking to him and see if you can come to some agreement on when you actually will start ttc. But please talk to him and dont trick him into a baby when he isnt ready.

__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

Manda627

Im with Blastoff...It took my husband and I about 9 months before we were ready to have childern after our wedding. You have to let your husband know just out of respect for him. Who knows he may want one too...But as for me, I could never try and get pregnant without my husband knowing. Plus my ovulation test are all over the house!!!

southern_belle

Wow, you are planning on lying to and breaking the trust of DH? I'm with Blastoff9600 & Manda, a big, big no no.

That is just plain wrong. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I lied to him about a baby I was carrying. The 2 of you need to sit down and talk, maybe make some decisions and compromises TOGETHER. Making, having and rasing a child is a 2 way street that both of you should be involved in.

There is no "oops" if you planned it to happen.

Belle

lekstroh

Oh No, I have been misunderstood. I am not trying to get pregnant with out DH knowing I just had #3 baby 3 months ago....not ready yet, maybe soon though in a couple of months. My sister is the one who is planning that oops. I was just wondering if that was a common thing to do by woman. I was just saying that we all hear about those "oops" and was just wondering if those "oops" are planned.

southern_belle

Regardless of who it is, it is a really bad idea. It probably isn't even possible to know if an oops baby was actually planned by a deceptive woman. If they are willing to lie to their husbands, whom they have pledeged before God and their family and friends to be faithful and true to, then it is unlikely that they would tell anyone else the truth in fear of being found out. You really need to discourage your sister from doing this. It shows poor judgement. Trust is one of the hardest things to get back once it is lost...And like someone said, all that is doing is settinng up the oppurtunity for resentment for the woman and the child.

Belle

lekstroh

I totally agree with you, I tried to tell her that already, well somewhere along those lines. That is when she told me that it is a common thing for woman and men to do. The woman pretend to take their birthcontroll or the men pretend to pull out, I thought that was a sick thing to do to the one you love, but she said it happens all the time. That is why I posted to see how common it actually is.

desmaggie

I admit it crossed my mind. We were TTC and I got BFP in early Jan and miscarried at 12 weeks. DH said he wanted to wait before trying again and I wanted to try right away. So I though well I won't be careful and hopefully we have an oops. I never did though I realized that it was selfish of me and he needed to greive and I had to respect his feelings, we discussed it and comprimised to discuss it again in May so I waited and now we are TTC again and both excited.

hopefullone

I have a friend who's DH is not ready for a baby yet, although my friend desperately wants one. She has been setting them up for an "oops" baby but being irresponsible with birth control-although he thinks they're protected. I just wonder what kind of relationship do they have where she is being deceitful and lying to him for her own selfish reasons. That is not love. And I believe babies are supposed to be the result of an act of love.

lucii

do these women really think that little about there dh's? that they would happily make a life changing, one of the most important decisions in a persons life, about someone elses life without them knowing? its wrong, just wrong, underhand, sneaky, evil and just plain unthoughtful!
think ill shut up now!
lucii )

browneyed-babe

I have to say I know people who have done this. My best friend did exactly just that - planned it - while her boyfriend didn't know. She got pg in a few months. When she had her girl he said to her "you've got your girl you wanted" - he knew she had deceived him but accepted his little pride and joy.
Not all are like this though - it can backfire big time. I don't recommend it to anyone as it is not fair on the guy but I believe it happens more than we think. I think some girls (mainly younger ones-no offence to those of you who are younger) do this to keep their guy with them - a sort of security that he will stay with her.

Having a child should be decided by both people.

saw339

I agree with all of you about deceiving husbands being absolutely wrong, but here's another take. DH and I have talked extensively about when we're going to try and agreed that we'd go off bc in March and see what happens. He doesn't want to thing about sex being a bd. He keeps babies and bd completely separate and I can understand that. So I have been initiating bd when I think it is the best time but he doesn't know it is. So that's an intersting dynamic. So TTC is a private thing for me even though he's 100% on board and would be thrilled if I was pg. I just wish he was as gung-ho as I was I suppose!

Does anyone think I should be more honest with him about when I o and that I want to have more bd leading up to that day? I don't want to press the issue and get too obsessed with TTC but I feel like it will take forever if we're not going for it 100%.

stonebonner

Saw339--When I was reading your post I felt like I was reading something I wrote. The last 3 months my dh and I have been doing the same thing. He stopped wearing protection after I brought up wanting another one. I always initiated bd when it was around the that time, but never told him it was o time. I almost felt like I was being all secretive. The problem was every month when I wasn't pregnant, I was heartbroken, but he would not understand why and I didn't feel like I could openly discuss it. Finally, last Friday after the arrival of af I brought up the whole thing to him and how he felt. I almost got the feeling he was doing it for me and wasn't really gung ho about the whole thing. I decided that if he wasn't totally in it I didn't want to continue trying. Things are a bit different for us because we already have 2, but I still wonder if I made the right decision. Keep things open with your dh. You don't have to reveal every intimate detail of ovulation and timing, but you need his support if pregnancy doesn't happen right away.

saw339

Thank you. I know exactly what you're saying and I think I will be honest about what I'm feeling with DH, even if it doesn't lead to him knowing about us timing the bd's. I will be disappointed if af comes this month but since we haven't been trying all that hard, it won't be miserable. Which is really nice vs. knowing that we did everything we could and still no conception. I'm on dpo 7 and am dying to test but only have 2 hpg left and don't want to waste them until I'm sure.