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  • Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

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    Old 02-07-2008, 08:15 AM   #1
    browneyed-babe
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    Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    I had a m/c almost a year ago - will be in March. I am wanting to try again but I am a little nervous it will happen again and a little scared of it all. My husband is scared and wouldn't even talk about it before but now he said if I want to we can try again. He is not willing to risk me for a baby. He was horrified by what I went through with the miscarriage and d&c (it was bad for me but by doctors standards normal-although my recovery was long). I don't think he can handle to be in the delivery room. He is scaring me quite a bit by saying he thinks I am not strong enough. My doctor and ob said I am healthy - my only concerns are anxiety and stress.
    I also just turned 38 in Jan. and he's 43 which in itself scares us both for fear of chromosomal problems. I have perfectly regular periods and ovulations kits are showing I am ovulating.
    Almost all my friends have children and a friend of mine that had a kidney transplant 2 years ago is now 3 months pregnant - was successful the first month trying. So I think to myself, if she can go on being on all kinds of presription drugs and have so many health concerns to a pregnancy - then why can't I?
    Anyone else in a similar situation?

     
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    Old 02-07-2008, 04:43 PM   #2
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    Very sorry to hear about your m/c, and also to hear about your fears. Only you know what is best for your body, and if you feel strong enough to TTC, then go for it. It sounds like you have a very supportive DH. Be strong, and good luck!

     
    Old 02-08-2008, 11:36 AM   #3
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    Hi!
    I'm sorry you're going through all this. We all have our fears after going the miscarriage, emotional turmoil and physical exhaustion. I know it's difficult but there are many women out there (and in here) who are going through similar things. It's sad but comforting to know that you're not alone.
    I cut and pasted below my story from another post (I'm not sure you've read it) but so that you know you're not alone in feeling these sadnes and enxiety!
    >>>>My name is Jennifer and I had my first DS when I was 16 (now THAT was easy time, all I needed to do was blink! ) married, divorced 10 yrs later...
    I was married again after 4 yrs with DH (he just turned 33 and I just turned 38)this past May 07 and pregnant right away after many many yrs on the pills (I took 2 months off to prepare - folic acid, et..) We were shocked and so excited. Sadly it ended in m/c after 11.5 weeks, we were sooooo sad. . After first cycle we tried again, the innocence and joy of pregnancy was hindered and we weren't expecting anything. The 2ww was an eternity and I was on every single website about 2ww and checked EVERY symptom, aches and pains and it drove my DH nuts! I was utterly obssessed. I even tested early so many times. Finally I missed my pd and still tested negative! Finally I got a BFP and we were shocked again! Of course very happy but so nervous. This time we monitored the beta, had u/s every other week and I began to feel like a guina pig. Spotted at 6.5 wks but the beta looked good. Anyway, it all came to an end when there was only a getational sac, no fetal pole, nothing. Mean while my HCG went all the way up to 69,000 and I was 9 wks, no sign of m/c. They finally decided that it was blighted ovum and I'd miscarry. I felt betrayed, so hurt, frustrated and sad. I was pregnant yet wasn't! Dec 1 came ( I was 12 wks) and I took the pills from my OB to speed things along as my body was holding on and we were going on a cruise so that weekend I miscarried. It was sad but a relief for me however, I couldn't stand looking at pregnant women and they seemed to be everywhere! To make things worse, my sister had her baby when I miscarrried the 1st time, my brother and his wife just had one last week, most my g/fs are on their second child. I know I already had one and feel very blessed but it doesnt make my heart aches any less.<<<

    I'm now in my 2 weeks wait and it's not easy since the m/c's but hopefully this time will work out for us. If not, we will have all the tests to see what went wrong.
    Feeling fears is normal and DH's feeling is justified as he saw what you went through (but we women are stronger than men!) - I think time will heal and you'll know when you're ready. Good luck and keep us posted!

    Hug - Jennifer

    Last edited by moderator2; 02-08-2008 at 05:44 PM. Reason: please read the rules! click on Posting Policy above.

     
    Old 02-11-2008, 10:21 AM   #4
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    Thanks for the replies girls.

    Jennifer, thank you for your story. I am sorry you had to deal with that twice over. I wish you luck this time around.
    My miscarriage was also a blighted ovum which held on to 10 weeks before I started my miscarriage then because of retained products I had to have a d&c. I often wonder that if I wasn't under so much stress at the time or if I hadn't gone ice fishing (before I got my BFP) maybe things would have been different although the nurses said it probably had nothing to do with it. It will be a year since my miscarriage in March. We waited a long time because my regular doctor told me to wait a year although he just gave the ok in October. Being 38 like me do you worry about down syndrome etc.? I know the odds are in favour of a healthy baby but I can't help but worry. I am trying to do everything right like avoid alcohol, take folic acid, eat right etc. The only thing for me is so much stress as we have been renovating our house for -6 months now - only thing left is painting and flooring which we are in the process of doing now (this is why I have to wait yet another month).

     
    Old 02-13-2008, 08:21 AM   #5
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    Thanks fot the best wishes.

    Please don't think about your ice fishing had anything to do with your m/c. Blighted Ovums are non viable right from conception. Generally, it means the quality of the egg or the sperm. Right when the cell starts to devide, 2, then 4, and so on, it has to be perfect. The "good" thing about blighted ovum and your body held on to 10 wks is that you have a thick lining to hold the pregnancy. Some women don't have enough progesterone so the egg cannot burrow deep enough, hence early miscarriages. Mine didn't even want to let go at 12 wks. My HCG shot up to 63,000 but because we were going on a cruise so my OBGYN prescribed the meds to help things along. I'm very surprise your dr. recommended waiting for 1 yr being at your age, with no complications to the D&C. Did he say why??
    I know we're all worried about Downs, and other abnormal chromosome issues but you have to think about one step at a time. Being stressful won't help you to get pregnant - although there are conflicting stories, etc. the important thing is to make sure you're well, mentally and physically, to provide a friendly environment for your conception process, then onward. I know it's so easy said than done, especially with the previous m/c and every day life happenings. I think that you're doing a right thing by taking care of yourself by eating right, taking vitamins, avoid alcohol etc., but mentally, why don't you find the time for your mind and let things happen naturally without thinking about it so much? There isn't a lot that you can do and I know it's hard, but even read books, listen to ambient/relaxation music, even a little bit during the day with a cup of tea; or before you go to sleep, go for a nice walk, take yoga/pilates, read a few stories online about miscarriages from other women and their subsequent success stories (only if that doesn't make you feel depressed afterward), keep writing to me - I'm sure these things can help a lot mentally .
    I'm sure once your house is renovated and you can relaxed a little more, your mind sure will follow.
    Please don't feel guilty about what you did or didn't do or what you should've done or shoudn't - it will drive you mad PLUS, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT -

    I have type A personality so I want to so everything in extreme sometimes - I run half marathons, I take boxing/kickboxing, hot yoga, weight lift - I enjoy all of that but now I take gentler care of my body so my mind won't be so engaged, and too active most of the time. I run less and walk more, I take yoga, not hot yoga and I laid off boxing for a while at least, and lift lighter weights, listen to relaxation music and still read a lot. I find that I'm much calmer and more relaxed. I still have my ups and downs but not so depressed as I used to; and it helps with my mental well being a whole lot. I hope this help somewhat. I'm sorry it's a novel but I just want to let you know as much as I can. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions. take care!! hugs - Jennifer

     
    Old 02-22-2008, 06:34 AM   #6
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    Jennifer,
    Thanks for your insight. Just reading your post made me feel so much better - you really put your message across to me.
    Yes, I have to find more time to myself and stop thinking about this so much. I want to start trying this month as I don't want to wait any longer. One of the reasons the doctor told me to wait is I had alot of cramping and abdominal discomfort after my d&c and my recovery was long from it. He said every woman is different and my body was telling me to slow it down. I had to take 3 weeks off of work after it as he didn't want the stress of my job to hinder my healing process - he said it is a hard thing to go through emotionally which we know. He is big on natural remedies.
    It seems like you have a really good way at putting things into prespective. It is nice to see you have alot of hobbies to keep your minds of things. I hope you are successful when trying again.
    Thanks
    Michelle

     
    Old 03-24-2008, 08:09 AM   #7
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    Hi Michelle!

    Hope you had a wonderful Easter long weekend.

    Just want to find out how you are feeling and any news on your ttc front?

    I'm on cd 9 and waiting to O. It's cycle 4 for me since the 2nd m/c. If this cycle won't be a positive one, I think my OB will prescribe some meds, although I do ovulate on my own on a timely basis but who knows what's going on. My DH is booking for an SA test to rule out his spermies prob.

    Hope all is well with you. How is the renovation coming along?

    Cheers!

     
    Old 04-03-2008, 12:03 AM   #8
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    I would start trying as soon as you feel like it. Also, as far as your age goes, I don't think it's that much of a big deal. It took DH and I over 10 years to get PG, we now have 3 daughters; ages 4yr, 2yr and 8 months, and I am going to be 38 this July. If your hubby is concerned about you not being strong enough, you are. Women go through this all the time at every age and there are bound to be complications.

    With DD1, I fell down the stairs when I was 7-1/2 months pg and broke my right ankle, sprained my left ankle and both knees. I took percocet and something else that I don't recall now, for about 6 weeks and the baby was fine. Actually, the only complication was that she was sunnyside up when I went into labor and if she hadn't turned around I ran the risk of c-section. BTW, she turned and all was fine.

    With DD2, she liked to play with her cord so I would have periods of time where she wouldn't move and I had to go get monitored about once a week. She ended up with no problems, but during delivery (I had an epidural) DH dropped my right leg and it swung like a pendulum and I've had a slight back/hip problem due to it since then. But I was fine and so was baby.

    With DD3, I was taking hydrocodone (for the probs with back/hip from dd2) during aout 7 months of the pg. I also had an emergency appendectomy at 26 weeks, spent 5 days in the the hospital hooked up to a morphine drip and taking pain pills after returning home. But, baby was fine and so was I.

    Come to think of it....my dh was worried about me going into labor etc...I think it's because he knew that he would be passing out when Igot my epidural with DD1. Seriously, he did!! Needless to say, some things go wrong, but you can pull through it and it's not as bad as your DH thinks it will be.

    Good luck and I'll send positive thoughts to you for a BFP!!

     
    Old 04-03-2008, 06:55 PM   #9
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    Re: Previous M/C and late thirties--anyone else?

    Hi Jennifer,

    Unfortunately we haven't been trying yet as my dh is quite stressed at work and is sick with a cold all this week. I am on cycle day 9 today and wanted to try this cycle but I think it is out of the question now. Looks like I will have to wait til the end of this month now. I have been quite stressed with work also and we have been so undecisive on our paint colours for the living room we still haven't painted yet! Dh said he wants to pick out the colours by this weekend.

    I hope it works out for you this month! What will the doctors give u if it doesn't - clomid? Try eating some yams (sweet potatoes) apparently they stimulate ovulation. I am going to get some when I try again. Green tea is also good. Let me know how things go for you. I wish you luck!

    Maggiloop,
    Thanks for the insight on your pregnancies. Goes to show that not everything affects pregnancy like we think it might. I am a bit of a worry wart as I want to do everything right. I saw pictures of a birth on the internet and it kinda calmed me a bit as I didn't know if I could do it but when I saw it it takes the fear away as it no longer is a mystery. Also, a new friend of mine is only about 95 lbs - smaller than me and she had 5 children so if she can do it then I can.

    Last edited by browneyed-babe; 04-03-2008 at 06:56 PM.

     
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