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  • Angry daughter after Gastric Bypass Surgery

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    Old 02-08-2014, 11:55 PM   #1
    Lego Nana
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    Angry daughter after Gastric Bypass Surgery

    Hoping someone can shed some light on the situation. My 43 yr. old daughter had Gastric Bypass surgery last November. I know she was going to counseling for about 6 - 8 months prior, had meetings every Monday with other people and a counselor. This was mandatory prior to the surgery. One day she went off on me, I thought I had Linda Blair from the Exorcist in my home the way she was yelling her voice was distorted and loud. I was a bad mother, never supported her, she had a terrible child hood, I could go on and on. I said nothing, let her scream having her adult temper tantrum. A few days later, she tells me she is having the surgery. I write the tantrum off to pre surgery nerves. Then after the surgery, things appear to be OK. Today, I get another verbal blast from her, the not being supportive, bad mother, not recognizing her accomplishments, I was reminded that she is my daughter and I MUST speak to her with respect. I'm not sure where this is coming from as I have never spoken to her or her sister in a disrespectful manner, well, at times during those teenage years. Prayer helped! Needless to say, I'm sitting here completely numb, she stated that as of today it is up to me, I am being threatened by never seeing my grandson, 8, again unless I show her more respect. She reminded me that she has been in therapy for 15 years because of me and suggested I see a therapist. When I tried to tell her if I didn't support her why would I have opened my door to her, my son-in-law and granddaughter, then 2, to come live with me, for 5 1/2 years so she could get her AA degree and then her nursing degree. I have always been there for her and her family, never offering any advise unless asked and then very careful of my replies.

    I know part of her anger is from the divorce, she was 8, but at 43 and so many years of therapy, I think her therapist would have helped her get past this. But this explosive anger is unbelieveable and concerns me.

    Within 15-45 minutes of being around her she is berating anything I have to say. I'm not saying much these days and if it weren't for my grandson, I doubt that I would expose myself to her rants.

    My son-in-law usually made dinner on the week nights because she came home so late, but now she is in the kitchen cooking, baking, so many home baked sweets. When I go to see them, she is constantly asking me if I want a piece of cake or cookies and acts offended when I decline and the anger.

    Trying to cut her some slack - pressure from her high administrative position with a healthcare provider, having to be away from home several days a week because of work, being menopausal, I am sure, this surgery and her body going crazy after the surgery, but..............................

    I see her now and her face is so drawn, she looks 20 years older, her hair has thinned so and has no shine to it. Is this normal? Hair loss, yes, but the drawn, wasted facial features and the anger.

    I miss my daughter and don't know who this person is in her body.

    Thanks for listening.

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to Lego Nana:
    red robbin (04-29-2014)
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