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Confused, need help, I think

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Old 01-16-2006, 10:37 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3
totallylost555 HB User
Confused, need help, I think


I am almost 21 years old, I guess I don't have any specific question, just general rambling/concern. I've started having my period at 12 years old, its a bit a irregular but not too much about every 32-38 days, each period is identical to the other, but thats not the point. Point is I have been physically "developed" for some time.

I have never had sex, or came anywhere close. Also I have never masturbated, I don't even know where to start! Truth is, as embarising as it is, I don't even know how to locate my vagina to arouse or anything. I can never even say I was aroused or felt anything at all down there. With a possible exception, of sometimes waking up to a pulsating feeling in my vagina.

I am definately not ready to have sex anytime soon, but I do feel a certain emptiness, like something is missing from that part of my life. Whenever I try to feel around there, to familiaze, I can never understand whats what. I just feel a sort of spongy/bumpy texture, I guess I can't find a big enough hole there. I never wear tampons, only pads so I don't know.

I have seen many diagrams (educational) of what it is supposed to look like, (with and without hymen) and today in the shower I ventured out and took a mirror and looked for the first time ever. I was shocked, to say the least, and note I'm very faint-hearted with anatomical/bodily things/images. It looked weirdish, I mean not like any picture I saw, the inner labia/**** looked exactly like all diagrams I saw. But inside the labia lips it looked strange, the spongy/bumpy texture I was feeling was this vortex looking thingy, like many (8 or so) bumpy things around a tiny, I mean tiny whole. I can't even stick a my pinky there, further than 1/4 inch. All pics I saw of hymens were very smooth, this wasn't. It was very, very, symmetrical though, the vortex (can't find any other name for it) was sort of like what the anus feels like but bigger, everything was a light pink color. Was this just an unaroused vagina, and when its aroused is the hole bigger? I cannot imagine how anything the size of a penis is supposed to fit in there.

Sorry for this long ramble, don't know what else to do, any advice or comments are appreciated.

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Old 01-17-2006, 04:47 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: santa rosa, california, usa
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SRMom HB User
Re: Confused, need help, I think

Have you ever used tampons? This might be a good place to start with understanding how your vagina could open to accomodate the entrance of a penis. Of course you could try using your fingers if that doesn't make you uncomfortable. If you are nervous, your vaginal muscles will be tensed. A lubricant like K-Y jelly can help with insertion until you are more relaxed with the situation. There are very good books on sexuality. I don't know if I'm allowed to mention them, but you can go to the library and check them out, or buy them at the bookstore. I read many when I was younger and they helped me tremendously.

Last edited by SRMom; 01-17-2006 at 04:49 PM.

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