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Posted by rosilita on April 24, 2000 at 15:18:13:

In Reply to: Help! Cancer in the family! posted by Meg on April 24, 2000 at 14:10:25:

: Hi...we have just found out that my boyfriends father has been diagnosed with Cancer. He is devastated understandably. I am trying to be emotionally supportive but each time we speak we end up fighting. I am afraid I come off insensitive. I need to know what to expect in the future. I want to be supportive to him and his family but he pushes me away. How can I be there for him and be strong when we live 1000 miles apart? I would do anything for this man, yet things he has said to me have hurt since he has found out, I'm afraid he will keep pushing me this normal and if it is how can I cope with it because I relaize it is hard on him? Any advice on how to be supportive or what are the right things to say in a situation like this? I have had close relatives pass on from this devastating disease also but to him it isn't the same as losing a father. Please help, I am desperate to be there for him. Thanks in advance.
when a diagnosis of cancer comes to a family especially a bad one the family goes through all the same emotions as if that person is already dead. although they shouldn't they begin to mourn for the person. anger,denial,acceptance. some people just get angry some turn to god and some just try to help the sick person. you should just talk to your boyfriend as normal and just ask questions on how is father is doing. if he dosen't want to talk, don't force him. eventually he will come to a way to deal with the diagnos and go on with his life.don't pretend like its not there, it wouldn't be valadating his some people just say everything is going to be ok, and they don't really know, if you ask about his dad, and let him do and say what he wants, and realize the anger is the diagnosis eventually he'll accept and come back to opening up to you. give him time

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