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Posted by Marty on September 13, 2000 at 14:23:27:

In Reply to: Re: Advice Needed posted by Rhonda on September 13, 2000 at 13:27:47:

: : I have a very close cousin who has cancer and the outlook is very grim. We have been extremely close over the years, but after her unsuccessful surgery she now wants nothing to do with me and won't even answer my calls. She's all alone and needs help, but has decided I never really cared a thing about her. I know she is extremely depressed but I just don't know how to approach this situation. We live 1000 miles apart so it's not like I can just drop by. Has anyone had any experience relative to this? THANKS!

: Marty,
: My mother had lung cancer, she went through a stage where she withdrew from everyone. She wouldn't let her mother and sisters from out of town come visit her, she didn't want her grandchildren to visit her, she just wanted to be left alone. She didn't want anyone to see her so sick. Her mother and sisters did what she asked and did not come. I finally called them and asked them to come, they came the day she passed away. I read that it is a normal part of what people with terminal illnesses go through, I din't read it though until the night my mother passed away, I wish I had known sooner what was going on because it Does hurt when you don't understand why they don't want to see you. My advice is to go see her if you want to, but don't be hurt, try to understand that withdrawl is a normal part of accepting that you have a terminal disease. If you want to see her, don't wait for her to invite you, she may never do it, my mother didn't, but she was so happy to see her family....

Thanks for the reply. I have been leaning toward going up anyway and spending the night in my car if I have to. It's an extremely hard two day drive that might end with things even worse than they are now but I have to do something soon. Again, thanks for responding. My reply to the post above may have something that would be of interest to you too if you care to look.

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