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Re: Caring for Terminally Ill Mother-in-law

Re: Caring for Terminally Ill Mother-in-law

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Posted by Betty on June 23, 2000 at 22:04:28:

In Reply to: Caring for Terminally Ill Mother-in-law posted by Patty on June 16, 2000 at 17:13:46:

: I am a 39 year old and I care for my mother-in-law who is 78 years old and has congestiver heart failure and a
: feeding tube in her stomach.I have been helping hubby take care of her since she was diagnosed back in 1995 and it's been a living nightmare.It all began November 23,1995 at my parents house,which also Thanksgiving day.My hubby and I got married November 20,1995.While we were eating our Thanksgiving meal,my mother-in-law had a stroke,we took her to the hospital,but it wasn't until February 1996 that she was diagnosed with congestiver heart failure.Since then,she has brokend her collar bone and her wrist from falling.Last year she was in the hospital for pneumonia and this year in February she had a feeding tube put in her stomach.We have also been back and forth to the hospital with her and to doctor's appointments every three months for her heart checkup.I quit working back in 1997 because of a mental breakdown I had because of all of this,I am doing okay now.I went into treatment for my depression,but had to stop last year and stay home and take care of her.My days are pretty much lonely ones because I literally have no one to talk to,she won't talk to me even though I'm the one that feeds her.I spend most of my time in my bedroom with the door shut and listening to music and playing around on the computer.I have 2 friends actually,but don't talk to them that much because they are both very busy and one of them is busy taking care of her triplets.I do what I can to cope with all of this.I can't get out very much,my car has been brokendown for the past 3 months and hubby hasn't had the time to put it in the shop to get it fixed.He has been borrowing the company truck and they have been nice enough to let him do that.I won't to know how everyone else copes with caregiving,I'm about to go nuts again and it's all I can do to keep my sanity.

Patty--I agree with the previous post to check into agencies that may have some help available in the community. A good place to start is your state or county department on aging. Ask them if they have any programs for respite for the caregiver. If you are lucky enought to live in Ohio, I can tell you to check into a program called PASSPORT--it is a medicaid waiver program that essentially brings the nursing home into the home so that people may remain in the community. Other states have similar programs. You can also check with a social worker--ask your doctor if he knows a medical social worker to talk to. Some areas have an information and refferal phone number staffed by United Way--try looking it up in the phone book--or a last effort, you could try calling your local ombudsman office--they also should be in your phone book under Long Term Care Ombudsman--they usually deal with complaints about nursing homes but they will also be able to point you to community agencies. Don't get discouraged and give up. There is help!!The others are right--get out and do something for yourself. Can mom-in-law be left alone for a short time? If not, call a friend to stay or ask your hub to stay while you go out. you can only give to her as much as you are filled yourself. And I leave you with the following--Blessed are the merciful for they shall recieve mercy. God Bless--Betty

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