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Re: As I feel more myself, my family becomes verbally abusive.

Re: As I feel more myself, my family becomes verbally abusive.

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Posted by Jill on October 10, 2000 at 15:29:30:

In Reply to: As I feel more myself, my family becomes verbally abusive. posted by Audrey Williams on September 03, 2000 at 12:18:47:

Certainly, no one should quietly accept any kind of abuse. However punishment does not build relationships.

I think you hit the nail on the head about the kid's resentment over your lack of parenting due to your illness.
It seems selfish and unfair, but kids do have needs, regardless whether we are well. I have chronic pain, myself, due to many reasons, and am limited, so my kids ahve been neglected too, by necessity.

It is totally natural that resentment builds, and is up to you to address this issue with your kids. Now that you are doing better, the anger they held back because of your illness is coming out. They probably also had anger out of not being able to fix your problems and from fear of losing you. It is always easier to act out and be angry than sad and vulnerable, and they probably also learned this pattern from their parents. I doubt this is new to your family.

You are the parent, and always will be, so have to take the responsibility.
Open up communication by taking them individually out to lunch and then tell them you know your illness was very hard on them, that you love them with all your heart, and wish you could have been healthy and there for them like they needed. This defuses the built up pressure in them (and in you!).

After you explain this so they have heard you, explain that you know they have this anger, but you didn't neglect them on purpose and don't deserve to be abused.

Then later on explain you do want to help them with college, etc, as you are able, but that you
are not going to feel good about doing it if they cannot treat you with respect, and that you would like to all work on atitiudes toward each other together (you with them).

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