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Descent into madness

Descent into madness

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Posted by Brian on October 19, 2000 at 16:49:05:

Hello everyone, my name is brian and i have never written on one of these before. i never really thought anyone would write back...
well i have been through quite alot of pain. lately something has happened to set off a time bomb inside of me. i have been with this girl for 2 years. and i was so happy for those 2 years. finally...happiness. but, she has fled obviously. here is the story...
my girlriend is the nicest and friendliest person. she has a bad slutty past, but i looked past it. she is a good girl. but she met a friend not too long ago. this girl is an aggressive person, and is very self conscious. she struts her stuff alot, and is a horrible weed addict. when they first started hanging out all was good, but then my girlfriend started ditching me alot for this friend of hers. well they went to florida on friday and told me that they would be back on monday. my girl told me that she would call me everyday she was gone.
she didnt call me. and she still hasnt. and she is still gone. it is next friday. she has been gone for a week and no calls no nothing. my roomate got through to their cell phone but only for a moment before it got cut off...and they said that they are in no danger, and when my girlfriends friend was told that we had called the police on them for a missing person report, she screamed to call them off, not to call the police.
well, like said, she is still gone. i dont know what to think, but i have been HORRIBLY depressed. i drink and drink. last night i drank half a bottle of nyquil and popped a bunch of sleeping pills. as i lay on my bed staring into nothing, i pondered death...yet once again in my life. and i discovered, hell, im going to die one day, feel the pain, and leave them all one day anyway, whats the difference between now and then. i might as well just feel it now, instead of being afraid of it coming on later.
i know this is a long post, but there is so much to say. i dont feel like there is anything now at all. i have of course felt like this before with another girl...but not this deep. and i really fell in love with her. i dont know where she is ...what shes doinG?!?!!? anyway... all i can think about is getting out of this life...getting drunk, getting screwed up somehow so that i dont have to face it all. and if i die, then i die. then let me be remembered for a lover who loved too much. someone please write back.

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