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Re: Is there someone here like me? You bet!

Re: Is there someone here like me? You bet!

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Posted by sir lipton on November 08, 2000 at 18:03:08:

In Reply to: Re: Is there someone here like me? posted by Vince on November 08, 2000 at 04:32:25:

: Thanks Kathrin,

: I don't think so too. Messed up, depressed, confused, aimless -- but not schizophrenic. I don't have delusional beliefs or hallucinations, though hallucinations seems like exciting.

Ok, I know I'm not the most normal person on the board... but I get hallucinations, I hear voices (which is merely a type of hallucination), I used to have really bad psychotic tendencies, and my diagnosis is dysthymic disorder (another term for chronic, mild depression). my doctor doesn't know too much about what's going on, because I was referred to her and I only see her once every 2 months or so to get refills, and I don't see a social worker or anything... but, back to what I was going to tell you about hallucinations! I get really mild ones, but it's terrible. When I first moved to my apartment, I left the screen door open one evening, and when I came back after dark, I turned on my kitchen light, and I saw a ton of roaches in my kitchen. I freaked out, called my mom, then woke my landlord up to come and check it out. I didn't have her #, so I went to her apartment to wake her up, got her out of bed, we came back to my apartment, and there were no roaches... I tried telling her that they left or something, but it was a hallucination. I don't see dead people or anything(I see a bunch of black dots all the time, and my mom said I should see a neurologist, but I never told her that I was just imagining that there were roaches. I just told her that it was a garden bug, and I over-reacted...) Sometimes I do see roaches in food, especially when I cook frozen vegetables. I used to see daddy-long-legged spiders in salad bars all the time. That is probably my worst fear, though. I used to run screaming (and this was at 17 years old...) whenever I saw them, and I'd get so hysterical... Sometimes, when I'm driving, I'll think I have ants or roaches crawling all over me, and I have no idea what to do, because I know that i couldn't possibly have anything crawling all over me, but I could see it. I've never done drugs or anything, but this has all started w/in the past year, except the irrational fear of daddy long-legged spiders. I want to tell my dr. what's going on, but I don't know if she'll believe me, and I don't want to take another anti-psychotic medication (I'm on risperidone right now, and I can barely handle it). I really want to finish school, and my hallucinations aren't really that bad, and I don't act on the voices in my head, which I feel is really important, but I don't know what my doctor will do. my worst fear is that someone, like in my family or at work, will find out about all this, like if I snap or something. I know that I can get my degree and get my career, but I really want to be a RN or a physician's assistant, and I don't want any of this on my record so I can get a good career, but I really don't know how much longer I can take this. Sorry this was so long, but I'm so frustrated right now, and I don't know what to do.

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