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Posted by Carra on April 14, 2000 at 13:07:52:

In Reply to: Re: I have the same thing!!!! posted by Marlene on April 10, 2000 at 21:02:23:

: :My father is in the nursing home after a massive stroke 2 years ago. He has had occasional spells of vomiting over the last year. Two days after Christmas he had a severe attack of pain in the stomach for about 4 days. He can't speak and understands about a third of what he hears so he could not describe the pain or the location for the doc. They ran some tests and decided it was his galbladder and that it had shot a stone causing pancreatitus. Now this man has diabetes, a bad heart and a massive stroke, and they told me that another attack like that would kill him. They tested his heart to see if it could withstand surgery and they said he was a moderate risk but they felt it was more of a risk that he would have another attack like the last and die. So, we had the surgery friday march 24. He is not bouncing back at all, it has been 2 and a half weeks and he can't eat or if he does he vomits . I am at my wits end, the doc can't figure it out either and dad can't help us by describing how he feels. He acts like he is half dead and eating is such a chore but, also drinking is too. they keep having to hook the IV back up because he doesn't drink enough. If this sounds familiar to anyone please contact me!!! WE are desperate, they are talking about putting in a stomach tube and I don't think he can stand any more surgery.

My own mom passed away recently. We were not ready for her to leave us, but she needed to go. We submitted her to God's care and timing and refused to subject her to tubes and invasive procedures as that was her wish. In the end she could not eat or even remember to swallow. The doctors wanted to tube her or place a shunt to feed her. We said no out of respect for her wishes, as well as trust that if God wanted to leave her with us He would heal her so she could eat again. We were willing to let her go if it was her time rather than to have her body in a vegetative state. We already had discussed this with her when she was cognizant, but it still hurt to let go of her. Sure enough, in a week, her blood pressure went down til she was gone. But she died in peace and without pain the doctors said. She would not ahve recovered.

I feel for you if you never had this discussion with your dad or you cannot let go of him. It is such an emotional and confusing time for you.

I believe that your dad can still hear you in his soul. You can express your desire to let him go if he is ready to go, and tell him it is OK to just to go be with God. . You can even ask him to sqeeze you hand if he wants to be allowed to go. I did this for a friend of mine whose mother was in a death coma. Then I had my friend do the same thing and when she had sqeezed both our hands, my friend had the peace to let her go. She passed away shortly after that.
Or you can allow the doctors to dictate to you every move and not be involved in his care. I can't choose for you. This is so hard I know! But think about who your dad is and what is best for him right now and for his future. Put your trust in His maker and trust the outcome as the best God has for your dad. That is the best advice I have.
I would not have wanted my mom to have to go thru what she would have just to keep her body around a little longer. But that was me.

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