Im sooo sorry that the office has treated you that way. Sure sounds suspicious to me that she suddenly "found" your records after you making a threat to talk to your attorney! Aint that something! But at least that one dr. is out of that office..not to say that its going to make it any better. Honestly, the way they are doing you over your records...I personally wouldnt want anything to do with their practice! Im not sure that Id give them til the 30th...Id say next Thursday will have given them a reasonable time frame to get the records to you. Im considering going ahead with the surgery....what have I really got to lose??? Either way, Im gambling...and given that Im having to give up so much in the condition that Im in now, I know that I would always wonder if I could have/would have gone back to a normal life if I wouldve have it done. Both the 2nd opinion dr and the surgeon did say that if I had the surgery, I stand the chance of living life normal again. Its still very scary....and as they say "you have nothing to fear except fear itself".....and its going to drive me crazy to continue fearing the surgery, and never knowing if I can or ever will return to a normal life again. Im not ready to commit to a date just yet...as Im STILL waiting on therapy appts. but, in the meantime, I started back to walking today. I walked 2 miles (I have a sincere walking buddy now!!)...I HAVE to do something since these fools arent going to...and knowing that my right calf muscle has slightly softened..I cannot afford for it to continue deteriorating. My leg has flared up definitely since walking today....burning...and leg pain. But Im hoping that the philosophy of "no pain, no gain" will be effective in my situation, instead of making me worse. Im going to suffer it out as long as I possibly can, I HAVE to!! these fools are gonna cause me to shrivel up to nothing (muscle wise anyway....weight wise..I have NOTHING to worry about there, apparently...LOL) So up until today...pain level has stayed around 3-4. Now its about a 7-8. but Im hanging in there.
Yes, there is a difference between neurologists and neurosurgeons. Neurologists deals with primarily like seizure disorders, things of that nature.
yeah it does suck about dollywood...but it plainly states in their FAQ's, that they do not have a limited activity ticket, that they do not break it down for people that has disabilities or dont want to ride rides. that really is unfair...but, i dont think i would enjoy it at this time anyway. my girls are very understanding, and even though they told me that its crazy to pay that kind of money knowing we wouldnt get full use out of it, i told them that sometimes, i just HAVE to make those sacrifices..that i cant continue allowing my injury to affect their lives. all i can say is that for the ones that doesnt have back injuries or other injuries.....enjoy EVERYTHING about life that you can...while you can!!! people just have no idea how much of life is taken away from them once they get an injury...and they have no idea WHEN it will happen to them!! but since my last message...we have decided against themed park vacations...and are just gonna do something light..like maybe tour washington dc...never been there...would never have chosen that as a vacation spot...but.....have very little choices out there.
Family wise, I feel in my heart that they do wish that I was "normal" again. For many reasons. My husband finally realized last night just how bad it is for me. For the first time in YEARS, we went to a movie...he hears me say all the time that I cant sit in most chairs....but...he has never witnessed me being in any chair except for at home.....which doesnt affect me near as bad as office chairs, movie theater chairs, etc. at least in my home chairs..i can stand up straight without a hassle. it burns and hurts while im sitting...but i can handle that anyday over the pain that i endure trying to get up out of chairs outside of the house. So because we dont go out like that, he honestly thought that I "am fine"....but after 1.5 hours in the theater....I could not move to get out of that place!!! It was pure torture...it was forget the pain in the back, not able to stand up straight...but it literally feels like it takes extreme effort to move my legs....such baby steps. Its not only painful...but embarrassing as heck! So, I think he understands it much better now. He has back pain, etc...but its never affected him in the manner that it just totally cripples him to get out of a chair. Sure it hurts him to sit for periods of time, but just the leg pain and aching back and stiffness...thats the extent of his pain. but its like my back just totally locks up, swells up, or whatever...i cant explain it...i just know that i cant stand up straight and its very painful to ease myself into that standing position. if it wouldnt make me drowsy, etc..id load up on anti-inflammatories prior to sitting, to see if that would make a difference. but i obviously cant do that, since its chairs outside the home that makes me stiff like that. i dont understand it....a chair is a chair...but obviously, its not. i need a new recliner...i can sit in the one i have..but we went out one night not long ago to find a new one...but after 5 minutes...i was done...the first one was all that it took to flare things up...so i couldnt tell after that if any would have worked for me or not. so how am i supposed to shop for furniture??? LOL. as far as my girls....lol...yeah they want their "old mommy back"...lol. they were never required to help with housework or cooking before i got hurt. that was the ONLY good thing about this happening...they learned how to clean house!!! lol. i like things done a certain way...and no one can clean the house like i like it....so i never wanted them to help. all they had to do was keep their rooms straight and presentable...i done the rest. but they also hate it for me that my life sucks to where im so very limited. friends....im sure they dont want me to be in pain and would like to see me normal again....but it hasnt affected their lives....so honestly....i dont really think it majorly matters to them. im sure it matters to a point, but not to where they would do anything or give anything to see me normal again. friend wise...i just personally feel that more than anything...they wished that i would never bring up the pain and how its affected my life. i dont know...i just get the feeling that they are thinking "oh boy, here we go again, we get to listen to the back problems again"...so i always TRY to not mention it...but sometimes...it does get hard to keep it out of the picture..you know?? why did you ask that??? now..i will ask you to answer the same questions..lol. as far as Little E...you have one very slight "advantage"....hes so young, that this is what he will know...so he hasnt had to "make changes and adjustments" to your "new life". so im sure he will be perfectly ok with life as he knows it. it will seem "normal" to him. thats just my personal opinion, based upon my situation...with my girls knowing/seeing the changes that ive had to make, and that they have had to make, it has affected them...but then again...it has allowed them to be the "teenagers" that they would like to be...going to movies or bowling or whatever...with their friends without "dear old mom" insisting on chaperoning, etc...lol. but that doesnt mean that they get to be wild and crazy either...lol. im not there to physically watch them...but they have restrictions...who they can go with, and what time they are expected to be home.
the chantix is GREAT!! i was down to 3 a day...didnt really want the 3rd one..so dont know why i had it..lol...just being stupid i guess...lol..but...i had a very bad day on tuesday...just badly depressed.....so was not able to sleep at all that night until 7 the next morning. that threw me off track..and due to sleeping...i forgot to take it when i did get up, and didnt remember to take the night pill either....definitely a booo boooo!!! i ended up smoking quite a bit on wednesday....i no longer had that "nasty" taste when i smoked....like i got while taking the meds....so i smoked more. im back on track today, as far as meds....but, the nasty taste hasnt totally come back yet..getting there...so even though i smoke less than i did yesterday...im not back down to where i was. so that was enough to let me know that i CANT come off the chantix anytime soon..and that it DOES DEFINITELY work!!! i have 2 full packs left..once those are gone...i will NOT buy anymore...i should be at the point by then to HATE them...and not be tempted to buy more.
well....hopefully these sunny warm days will help to brighten your spirits...(i guess you are having those days...lol)...its been sunny and beautiful here the last couple of days..upper 70's! but that was well deserved!!! we had several days of rainy/cool weather....3 inches of rain...in a few days. very much needed rain. well...take care...