Discussions that mention demerol

Addiction & Recovery board

Thanks guys for answering my post. I am a little better in the stability dept. right now. I still have not slept yet but feel okay right now. It is about 630 here in california and everyone is getting up right about now if they have to work early. Since I need to preoccupy my time(please disregard the spelling mistkes, my hands are real shakey) I think I will tell yo a little of my story. But first I must ask if I did a no no. I was feeling so aweful I did something I haver never ever done. I drank a wine cooler to relax me. I have never tasted a drop of alchohl in my 29 years. I helped alot. But I am scared about drinking a wine cooler because my father is an alcholic. Did I do a no no? I bought two...drank one and have one in the fridge. Anyway, I am 29 years old that lives here in Bakersfield California. I have no kids, and right now am withour a steady girlfriend. I went to college and now a Medical Technologist for a group of pulmonary doctors here in town. Before my addiction I swore I would never end up like those "regulars" that doctors see and never took a pill unless it was a vitiman. Well I got sliightly hurt and my grandmother(who just passed away, God bless here soul)gave my a few Vicoden for the pain. I took one and felt great(not pain wise but high as a kite wise) Well thatstarted it. I worked in a doctors office so I called in my own. In the years I worked there I have called in about 800 Rxs. Well time went on and I ended up taking 40 Lortab 10mg a day. One day recently I checked myself into rehab. Could not do it. Checked out AMA. Went straight to the office and stuck a needle in my arm and pushed 100mg of Demerol into me. It felt like someone dipped me in ice water after I just been burned. Ahh the feeling. Anyway I knew I could not keep that up so I bought some 1mg Xanax and was going to beat the opiate addiction. Took one...nothing....took antoher....nothing. Well I ended up taking 14 Xanax 1mg in a 2 hour period. Well after I got out of the hospital from wrecking my car beacuse I was driving on Xanax, the doctor gave me ultram(not addictive right...WRONG)for pain. Well I was up to 40 of those a day also. So I started NA meetings and started tapering. Went to an addiction specialist. Taper is what they said. So I tapered from 40 to 13 and now have gave it all up because I cannot trust myself to stary true to my schedule(I can get them anywhere)even though someone was giving me my meds. So here I am 2 -3 days into it with only a few Darvocet, my Remeron, and my wine cooler. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel better now that I spilled my guts to the internet world. I have to beat it this time, there is not a next time for me. I am staying at my moms for this and she has been great. Staying up with me, massaging my legs, and even going to get the wine coolers. Without her I will never make it, but because she said" This is it Timothy(she always calls me that when she is worried)you are doing it this time. Why, because I am going to help you and we wont fail" So there you go. Hope I did not rant too long. Well I will see if I can go lay down for a little bit.