Discussions that mention demerol

Addiction & Recovery board

Hello everyone...so sorry that I haven't been around much. Life is exceedingly stressful and busy, and I often get to the point where I really think I'm carrying too much of a load to bear. I'm still in a rough spot...three weeks ago my boyfriend abruptly broke up with me and kicked me out of our house, and I have been staying with a friend ever since, desperately trying to get a place to live. But money is a serious problem, and then I lost my second job at around the same time...so money became even more of a problem!!! THEN I failed a drug test...it came back positive for demerol, which I did not take. So I have been spending a lot of time doing research and trying to defend myself and keep my PO from throwing me in jail. I have a visit with him on the 17th and I'm terrified that he will arrest me then. He is NOT a kind, compassionate person and seems to not care at all that I am claiming innocence and have been able to gather a good deal of evidence that shows that urine drug screens are not as error proof as some would have you think. For example, at the time of the screen, I was on two medications for a urinary tract infection, both of which can mess with the results of a urine screen. And I've found a lot of other factors which could have come into play...the problem is that the lab doesn't keep the sample, so there's no way to really go back. I have passed subsequent drug screens, but again, my PO of course thinks I did use, and I'm terrified of that. So more prayers, please!!!

It has been a really rough time. I have absolutely had terrible cravings and wanted to use, but haven't for two main reasons...one, I haven't had access, and two, I'm terrified of jail again! I'm trying so hard to get relief out of the program, but I really feel so alone and overwhelmed, not much is helping but I'm just trying to hang on.

But it makes me smile to come back on here again and see that people have inquired about me, Hope and Monday you made me feel "important" again!
I'm trying so hard to do the next right thing, but I'm so baffled a lot of the time because I feel like all of these negative events are just piling up, and I don't know why or how to stop them! I guess that's the real world though, huh?

Again, it's great to come back and catch up a little. Monday, how is your daughter doing?
I posted to you on your last post and it seems like things have just been downhill for you- the "Demerol test," etc. But, it also seems as if you are stronger, too! You sound really positive considering what you are going through and kudos to you for that! I really hope the best for you and things work out with your PO officer- let us know how that goes. Can you offer to take a lie detector test or something? I know that sounds drastic, but if it keeps you out of jail, I would think you would do anything. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep you head up and don't ever forget what a special person you are!

I am sorry you are going through this. Depression is a mysterious thing and a very difficult thing to go through. Believe me, I have been there. It took several "experiments" with different anti-depressants before I found the right one for me. I know you are on meth, but was the sub not an option for you? It has really helped my depression- I have heard where they are even considering using it as an anti-depressant? Just food for thought. You will also be in my prayers. Take care,