Discussions that mention demerol

Addiction & Recovery board

Hi Venus,

In reading your story, I read my own, but I am 46 and have used for as long as you've been alive. I use the same amount as you, and when it comes to "scramble-time," like when they're running low and then you have to figure out where and how to get more, you described my thought patterns exactly. The cost is enormous! I easily spend nearly $300+ a month to maintain my 10+ average of the norco 10/325s you also use. My credit cards are maxed out, I've had a lien filed on my house for emergency room visits that I made everytime I tried to quit cold turkey...I've never made it past day 3, which for some reason seems to be the magic number on here that so many say is crucial, so I go to the ER, they give me a morphine or demerol IV, and I leave with a script for percs or vikes which is usually enough to tide me over till the "delivery man" arrives. I schedule all my activities and social outings around the pills, and it sounds as if you do, too.

The reason I tell you a little about myself and our similar experiences (unfortunately I was also a child of the 60s/70s and had plenty of LSD, mushrooms, speed, pot, you name it...never did heroin though, and those were easy to give up compared to the opiates), but getting back to why I am telling you how similar we are is because you are so very young and soon you will feel so very old, and like me at age 47, but you will not even be 30. I understand everything you wrote, and I have felt all those feelings...fear for my health, for my financial situation, and then one day all of a sudden, I DIDN'T care about that or my kids or even my life anymore, and now along with my thoughts being consumed with the pills, I am very much consumed with thoughts of leaving this world permanently...I think about suicide every single day--everytime I wake up, it's like "dang, I'm still here."

Listen to your gut, to the members here, you are young and you have a chance and the real pain issues you have are very treatable in other ways...you have time and you have desire and you have a chance, so please take it. You really don't want to end up like me...nearing 50, in total debt, flitting from job to job, and in seclusion, and that is what will happen to you. I don't know how to tell you to stop because I've never been able to, but I can tell you what you will become if you don't...you will be me, and I will be dead, and there will be another young addict to take your place and the cycle will go on and on and on...

Listen to the good folks here, and they are very good people, you won't be judged or criticized, and you will be supported and you will hear horror stories and success stories and one or the other will be yours--I hope you will choose to be a success story, and I wish I'd had a place like this to pour my heart out when I was your age, so get the good from it while you can.

All my best to you, and with complete understanding,