Discussions that mention demerol

Addiction & Recovery board

First of all, thank you DallasAlice........You are one of the people I am referring to when I speak of the kind, warm, sympathetic souls on this board......First to answer Captain Hydro's questions.......

1. My addiction started in 1999 when I was in the military. I started getting very bad migraines about twice a week. The docs would have me come into the hospital, give me 150mg of Demerol and 20 Perc to take home. That lasted a while and then I started having the migraines less frequently, so less drugs. Then, a few years later, I ruptured 2 disks in my back on a jump landing and was put on meds again. Six months later, I was denied several opportunities to go to places around the world because of medical conditions and my medications, so in my infinite wisdom, I started writing my own prescriptions. At that time, I was taking 10-12 10/500 Lortabs each day. Eventually, I got scared, went cold turkey, but ended up getting caught anyway. Spent about 4 months doing hard labor on m base while waiting for my court martial, went to a great 5 week inpatient treatment center in Virginia ( amazing, and I would recommend it to anyone, not just an addict as it allows you to really see yourself )..........then came back to my base for 7 more months of labor before my court martial. got sentenced to 6 months in a federal pen, loss of all pay and allowances, and a Bad Conduct Discharge..........not a bad sentence considering my max sentence was 69 years. Anyhow, came home clean and ready to start life over. Got Hydros and other narcs a few times from docs, but without abusing them. Then I came down to school and someone I work with who knows nothing about drugs was selling Oxycontin 80's and 5mg Oxycodone..........relapse........and now thats where I am at. Currently I am taking about 80-120mg of Oxycontin each day by insufflation. I have gone cold turkey 5 times and relapsed every time. I am a college student with a full time job that pays enough for rent and food, but thats about it. I have no medical insurance. So, thats where I'm at right now.

I have started school already and cannot afford to miss any work.....This is one more reason that I can't afford to go through withdrawals or check into an inpatient facility.

So Dallas Alice,
Thank you so much for your post. I am considering giving the clinic another chance, because right now I see that as my only option. I do have pills right now, and will probably have enough to last me for a few weeks tonight. I ahd already paid for them, so now I have to get them. For my own safety, I don't want to start the Meth until I am empty handed. The whole meth thing scares me, but, of course, so does the pills and the stress and the fear and the pain that I go through right now.

Also, I do have my migraines and I do have the ruptured disks in my back, so I need some sort of pain management for which NSAIDs will not suffice.

My biggest fear about the Meth is that it will be too hard to come off of. I really need to talk to someone who has come off of it and let them tell me it can be done. I've gone c/t off of the hydros and almost made it through them coming off of the Oxy, so I know it can be done, but everyone says Meth is worse.

When you started the Meth and they started you at 30mg or whatever, did you have to go through withdrawals every day until they got you up to an appropriate stabilizing dose? I thinkI'm going to try to start tapering myself down on the Oxy before I go to the Meth clinic, so that a lower dose will work for me. Good idea?

Sleep is a HUGE issue with me. I never sleep whether taking or withdrawing. I hate it and would do anything for a good nights sleep.

I hate all fo the things you are talking about that bind you to the drugs. Wondering when and where I can get more. How long will what I have last? Will I have enough to reach this or that day or event so that I won't be miserable? I hate withdrawing for a day or two each month when my supplier can't get ahold of any yet. I hate all of it.

The clinic is about 15 minutes from my house. Not far, but not close. I am worried that the everyday thing will become a hassle, but I know that I can always go every morning at 6 and then come home and go back to sleep.

I just want to be normal. I'm so tired of this. Yes, I am a chronic relapser, but yes I have quit before. Before this stint, I was clean almost 2 years. The main thing is, I want to begin this program if it can get my life back on track. I want to do well in school. I'm expecting a raise and a promotion at work. I want to start working out and eating heathy again. I want my life the way it was when I was 4 months out of jail. Clean, happy, and eager......enjoying every moment before it passed and looking forward to the next. The only thing is that right now I don't have the time to be sick and then depressed and unmotivated by going cold turkey, and I don't have the time or money to go to a center or inpatient facility.

I don't want to be on the Meth forever. I really only want to be on it for a few months. Six or so, at the most. My main fear is not so much relapsing to the pills as it is getting off of the meth. My w/ds are always so bad. I don't know if I can handle them lasting a much longer time. I am curious how bad the Meth taper will be and if the taper is done correctly, how bad and how long the withdrawals will last.

These are all my fears and I really hope I can get my brain organized before Tuesday. Any help or suggestions would be great. Thanks to all of you who replied with opinions or ideas. We truly are all in this together. This is honestly one of the few things that I know of that you could NEVER understand until you experience it. All of ya'll be strong and have faith.