Discussions that mention demerol

Addiction & Recovery board

WoW! Such great messages from everyone...and lots of "food for thought" as well. I have SO much to say to many of you, but I have to make this short as Sundays are our "family" days and we are getting ready to carve pumpkins with the kids. I just wanted to quickly address something you mentioned, Dallas...and also ask a somewhat "strange" question to everyone/anyone that is reading this. Dallas, in regards to my pain due to the Crohn's, arthritis, and other issues which all related to the Crohn's itself...I've actually been given the option of seeing a pain management doctor...mainly because I've complained to my gastroenterologist that I'm in severe pain, even taking the Norco. The only problem I have with going to a PM doc, is that the gastro. doc mentioned that they might want to try something stronger...either morphine-type medication, oxycontin, and/or some kind of time-released patch. I'm not really familar with all of the medications (thank goodness), except for anything like morphine or demerol (that I've had through an I.V. during my many colonoscopies, my C-section, and a couple of other surgeries I've had)...and those literally make me wacky~ haha~ I talk to people that are not there, hallucinate, etc...I told this to one of my friends and a nurse recently, and they both laughed and said, "what's wrong with that???"~ haha! I just don't really want to get on anything stronger....sheesh, the way I take the norco (although my doctor DOES NOT know this), I would think I could knock out ANY AND ALL pain. I guess I'll just see how it goes at my next appt. and go from there. I'm still so confused on what I want to do with myself, my "self-medicating", etc. right now. Anyway, I'll write more about that later...

Now, for my question. Does anyone (and Dallas, I would love for you to respond to this question since some of your past experiences are WHY I'm asking this question) recall things that happened to them~ good OR bad~ between the ages of birth and 5 yrs. of age? I mean, ANYTHING at all. I'm being counseled at my church every Monday, and the counselor asked me to give some memories of each age category....good, bad, or just any memories in general. I could give memories past the age of about 6 or 7, but prior to that I remember NOTHING at all. I was abused (physically, emotionally, mentally) throughout all that time, so the only good memories I had involved grandparents, the start of school activities, my church involvement, etc...but absolutely no "fond" memories of my home life at all. Well, this concerned the counselor (that I couldn't remember anything prior to 6 or 7), and she seems to think I am supressing or "blocking" something. Funny thing is, I've always wondered this myself. She thinks it might be something to do with some kind of sexual abuse. Now I DO NOT recall anything of the sort, but as soon as she said that..I started to cry uncontrollably...and I have NO IDEA why. Now I did tell her that I've always had a problem with sex (sorry if this is way too much info~ haha), and that it has always made me feel dirty, or like I was doing something wrong...and that the ONLY reason I really do it anymore (or have done it anyway) is/was to conceive a child.

Anyway, this was supposed to be short and sweet for now~ haha~ but I rambled away. I've got to go for now...the kids are yelling at me! ;) I will reply to all of you individually later this evening or tomorrow when the kiddos are in school. I hope you all are having a FANTASTIC Sunday...please take care of yourselves and relax today...I'm thinking of you all!!!!