Discussions that mention demerol

Addiction & Recovery board

Carpetmonkee, I've been looking for your post for the longest time and hoping you're still visiting the boards. Perhaps you could help me a bit. I'm 58 years old and taking 8 norco a day (10/325) for the past 2 1/2 years. Sometimes I only need 6, rarely only 4. My dr. and I have a pretty good rapport and both have the same interests... i.e. quantum physics etc. Recently she tried putting me on Endocet 5/325 and there was absolutely no effect on my pain. To explain the pain I'm in I have to go back awhile, so please bare with me here.
I lived and worked overseas for over 20 years, had 3 surgeries there and finally began what can only be compared to a sonargram-guided needle to drain cysts of liquid instead of surgery. The doctor felt this was better than invasive surgery since the cysts returned a year after surgery. (These cysts were caused by a section of ovary left behind following a hysterectomy) I had this done about once every 1 1/2 to 2 months, without anaesthesia, and felt wonderful immediately afterward and never missed a full day at work (legal secretary). I came to the States (for what was supposed to be a VISIT). Long version short: had an "exploratory" on the East Coast, was told I'd be home in 3 hours or maximum 3 days. Ten days of screaming following the surgery they discovered they'd nicked my intestine and I was in full-blown peritonitis (2nd time in my life in the US of A). An ileostomy was performed and reversed. I have never once since that surgery been without pain. First the pain was the unbearable "silent scream" kind, caused by small-bowel obstructions. Over the past 12 years (surgery was in 93) the obstructions happen less frequently but I've developed all the symptoms of Fibromyalgia and/or MS and I have less energy than my 89 year old mother. My right arm is practically useless, stiff with pain and numbness, the left is now beginning the same way, my back was ALWAYS bad, but in Europe I never missed a day of Hathayoga, now I can barely walk upright, let alone do yoga.
I tested negative to Rheumatoid.
I've tried to do a day without the norco and the pain is so unbearable. I know what w/ds are, been there with demerol after the surgery, and I don't feel that when I stop the meds, just the unbearable pain, stiffness etc.
Here's my question. How does one deal with real pain, for which there is no surgery, no cure, no respite? If I'm on this medication much longer am I compromising my health in worse ways? Then again, I couldn't possibly live in pain, nor could I live any quality life constantly in bed. For depression I take Remeron and Nortryptolin (they help, but my sense of humour works better) yet pain is pain and does not allow for functioning days, nor am I able to walk for great distances. Is there something I could ask my dr. for which would be less damaging to the liver? She mentioned methadone, but also said that if anything should happen, a screw-up with medi-cal or a pharmacy, causing me to go without a daily dose, she feels I would be in very real danger if I had to suffer withdrawal due to my weakened state.
[Just an aside here... I tried taking HGH stimulators and colustrum. They helped GREATLY with some energy, but I can no longer afford these things = very expensive.]
Any info at all would be so appreciated. I used to be very active and my work in Europe consisted often of 18 hour workdays... and I LOVED IT. I arrived in NY at 45 years old and looked 30. Now I am 58 and am asked if I am my 89 year old mother's SISTER. Vanity? No, just feeling I was robbed of what could have been a very good future, a good life. I couldn't begin to list the losses.
Would methadone allow me some energy, free from pain? Or does it cause even more weakness? Would it be possible to be on methadone for the rest of my life?
To anyone who has had the patience to read this, I thank you from my heart.