Discussions that mention demerol

Addiction & Recovery board

Hi my name is Brian and i am an addict
I just don't have the will power or strenth left to kick again
I started using prescption pain killiers about 5 years ago and i took alot of lorcet plus and darvocet for the first couple of years.I was working as a nurse and diverting drugs from work mostly.about the time i got caught i had started shooting demerol and morphine.
When i got caught i went strait into rehab and it was hell, the withdrawls were unlike any hell i had ever been through,but slowly i made it and with the help of my wife and my friends i stayed clean about eight months.
And then the bottom dropped out, my wife left me and took my kids, I lost my job,my car and moved in with my parents.while in the process of trying to get another job i got bad sick.I had to have an appendectomy and it turned out i had chrones disease.so this slowly but surlely led me back to the pain pills.I have tried to self-detox several times with little to no luck.
I have just recently been diagnosed with colon cancer and i feel as though my many days of taking humongous amounts of pain medicine has been a causitive factor of my cancer.
and now i feel like i might as well take as much as i want to whats it gonna hurt now(SURE IS EASY TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE A REASON)
anyway i did some figurin last night and for the last three months i have taken:484 lorcet 10's-618 lorcet7.5's-240 darvocet n-100's-66 vicodins-30 50Mcg fentanayl patches,150 ativan0.5mg's-98 ambien 10mg's-70 lomotil I have been hospitilized 4 times in the last three months and while i was there i recieved over 3000mgs of demerol and a little nubain too.

The docs say i have about a 50/50 chance of beating this cancer but I don't give myself a 10% chance of beating drugs.I would much rather fight the cancer.and even if i do beat the cancer I AM AN ADDICT and i know that i will need pain medicine and i am definatley part of that old cliche that says one is too many and a thousand is never enough.

anyway i found this board on accident read some stories for a couple of hours and thought someone out there might have some good advice or words of encouragement

any replies will be greatly appreciated