Discussions that mention hydrocodone

Addiction & Recovery board

I am new to these boards and need some advice, ideas, and support. I have never had an overly addictive personality although i come from a family of people who do. I do smoke cigarettes and in my earlier years i did smoke marijuana for 20 years and did my bit of drinking but when it came time to let it go, i did. There were absolutely no issues when i quit smoking pot 10 years ago nor when i quit drinking 4 years ago. I just did it and mentally i was sooooo ready and done that it just went away as naturally as it came. I realize I am very fortunate to have had that outcome after 20 years of pot and almost 25 of beer but it really was effortless and i never looked back. Crazy after reading and hearing so many stories from people who went through hell. I was truly blessed then but now....

I have a monkey on my back that has kicked my butt literally. I had an accident about 3 years ago and on top of the initial diagnosis of that i also found out i have ddd, severe osteo arthritis, and fibromyalgia. Although i have hurt for years, just took it as it came and went on. I was prescribed hydrocodone for the acute pain but my pain persisted and the doctors said the accident aggravated the other issues and that i may have pain for the rest of my life.

I accepted that but have now realized i think i am addicted to the hydro. Actually i know i am. I am taking more than prescribed and end up running out early every month. I go to a Pain doctor and he is so sweet and sensitive. Since I have no insurance they charge me medicare rates even though i do not have medicare. This is such a short version of my story but I am so needing to vent.

I am now on day 5 of no meds and this is the longest I have gone but it will be another week till i go back to the dr. The reason I am so short this time is that I left my meds at my mom's but she is 6 hrs. away and I cannot afford to go get them.

I feel like hell. I am better today but the diarehaa (sp?) has been awful and I have no energy at all. I am depressed and my husband and 16 yr. old daughter have no idea because I still do my duties as mom. Luckily I do not work outside of the home. (Never underestimate the duties of a stay at home mom) I feel so incredibly ashamed that I allowed this to sneak up on me and not be more aware of what was going on. My pain is there and I realize that needs to be dealt with but now I am so afraid of the meds that I want them gone.

Please understand that this is so hard and right now I feel so ashamed, embarresed, and more vulnerable than i have ever felt in my life. I am hurting physically from the pain but the mental anguish is killing me. I don't know if I should talk to my doctor about my pain not being controlled or talk to him about possible addiction. I am so confused and I just do not know what to do. I did read about the difference between dependance and addiction and realize i may just be dependant but how long before it becomes an addiction? I also realize that this med makes me feel good and without it I feel horrible.

Can you guys PLEASE help me and Lord knows if you have questions, please ask. Thank you so much for your time and bless all of you always. Katty