Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Your alternative is death... Is this an acceptable resolve?

I am not sure this counts as a happy ending to what you request, but..
I was about to post this elsewhere, but pulled it... I didn't think it fit too well, instead I will post it here, but I still don't know if it fits too well..

I don't know how long you were on heroin (in your case, whatever u took ) or how much you took, or if u took it so long that, you were running out or had run out of places to inject yourself at. But a friend of mine, was hooked on it, was taking it daily, how many and how much I do not know, 6 months later, he resembled a walking skeleton, and wanted off it... what was going on exactly I do not know, his first request was for someone to just kill him. He didn't even resemble himself.. The individual who was his so called friend was keeping him in a constant high of the stuff, his so called friend later died...
(bad timing on his part but I can't tell u anything else of that part... ) My friend (now x heroin addict), actually attempted to go cold turkey for a week, needless to say it didn't go too well.. He eventually ended up checking himself into rehab, after ten (??) months of therapy and methadone, (for which he had to be weaned off of THAT as well.) he is now out and getting his life back, although he could have walked out at anytime, he kept with it, and with the help of others and a really cool psychiatrist, he was able to get most of his life back...but still had one rather major issue left of a hurdle to get past was remembering his past, he lost a year plus of memories... He still has gaps, but a lot of his horror of his missing past has pretty much came back to him.. (unfortunately, all at once..) He recognizes his so called friend who got him addicted, was no friend, but just a user, someone who drugged him and another person up, to use them for his deeds.. I am not going into the details, because it is irrelevant to this.. as for his other drugged up friend, he wasn't hooked on heroin, but other substances... his memory of the past year was also gone... but after 7 or 8 months he took his own life... odd thing was, he WAS the stronger one. My friend has since got most of his life back, and his weight and is doing pretty well, but still have some psychological issues to work through.. Any other details would invade his privacy... he is however now 21, and these events started about 17 to 18 months ago... and because a few of his older friends did care what happened to him, and were willing to give him another chance in life.. he is getting his life back.. But the psychological events that occurred during the time he was on the drug and what other " non specific events " occurred while he was on it, still took part of him away, and that part he will never get back.. He isn't who he was before, (he is 30 years wiser then he once was.. not exactly a good trade really..) I don't know if he was on the drug long enough to not suffer relapses? or if that is still to come. He is clean and has not had any other issues pertaining to the drug.. (least not yet.. ) Was his recovery easy? no, he was alone, terrified and went through h*ll while coming down, they wouldn't allow him visitor's for the first few months, not sure why... but as time dragged on, he got better. When he left rehab, his memory STILL had not returned.. he still has deep psychological scars, along with the physical ones.. (mostly needle marks ) but is doing waaaaaay better now than a year (or so ) ago. His other alternative was death... for which he was very close to before he went into rehab he resembled a walking skeleton. (and wished he was dead). He WAS temporarily on anti-depressants.. but is much better now.. and getting closer to his old self. (the good version)

does this help, or still looking for more or better? :wave: :confused:

[QUOTE=Best Friend]Forgive this "provocative" title. I KNOW 'intellectually' why we should ALL GET CLEAN! But TwinLynn and I were discussing Jerri's compelling piece (see Thread, "Why do we go through withdrawals") and we couldn't help but note that the author (was not sure if it was yours, Jerri?) stresses with perfect honesty that "'life after drugs' is never the same." Very depressing to be hit with that reality. Okay! I am savvy enough to know the 'comeback' to that one, myself: "Consider the alternative!" :eek: And, I must emphasize here, to all our friends on the Board, that I (and Lynn) are determined to 'clean up our acts'...we want our 'old' lives back. I guess we just want SO much to know that we WILL get some of 'our SELF/selves' back...that we will experience the (pardon the cliche) 'joy of simple pleasures'...that we may, once again, feel ALIVE like 'normal' people feel...like we USED to feel.

SO! The REQUEST! What I (we) - please keep in mind, as twin addicts, we often speak for both of us - to those of you who don't know us, I am not a multiple personality - :D ...what WE wish so very much to hear is ANY STORIES from those who have fought the good fight and feel good again...dare I say..."back to themselves." Kindawell's story was totally inspiring! And Yinksy's. Can anyone else here add their own 'inspirational' stories?? It would be so much appreciated. Something to "carry into the battle".... THANKS! :angel: :angel:
Alice (and Lynn) (P.S. My 'member name' is Best Friend. I selected it because I am a dawg fanatic and my 3 Shih Tzu have been just the greatest 'support system' - a source of so much love and such genuine laughter. But "Best Friend" also applies to 'hoomans.' I've met the BEST people on this board and I hope that I can be a 'Best Friend' in our mutual war to take back our lives.)
Its Ben Three Months Off Methadone And Still Dont Feel Normal Im Glad I Found This Post Cause Im Hoping To Read One From Some One That Say Im Clean And I Feel 100 Percent Normal I May Not Suffer Physical W/ds Any More But There Is Something About Me That Is Just Not The Same And I Have Yet To Find It And No Pill In This World For Me Will Get It Back Yeah My Klonopin Calms Me Down But What Good Is It If Im Still Not Me!!!! Thanx Kelleigh
Quote from BrianKosh:
I am not sure u will be 100% normal, the drug takes pieces away from you.. rehab, tries to put it back, but in all honesty... u may never feel the same as u did, before u started taking the drug... this isn't a really bad thing, but u may be on anti-depressants for a while. U will require psychological councilling which also should never be frowned upon.. u will have good and bad days... but nothing like withdrawing off the drug.... I, myself, would like to say the person I was speaking about, is 100% his self again, but I can not... However his background varies and so does everyone elses... another words the obvious remark is, everyone is different, and is treated differently.. well mainly after the worse part has passed, but if u had emotional and other ( I hate the way this is going to sound..) mental issue, waaay before u started doing any kind of drug and become addicted to it, those will not have changed, and the tidal wave that strikes u when it all comes crashing down to u... Lets just say, U don't have to do this alone, as a matter of fact, it is best u don't.....

I will close with, good luck, hang in there... things will get better...

thank you it sounds great to hear a 1oo percent better story i think i understand what your tring to say when i was on methadone for about 2 1/2 years basically i didnt have to deal with problems and issues like i do know i mean they were still issues but they were basically masked by it and now that im off i have to learn to deal with anxiety and all that stuff again where before i could just blow it off thanx your the first to really shed some light on this for me i thought i was crazy thank you again kelleigh
[QUOTE=no patience]Its Ben Three Months Off Methadone And Still Dont Feel Normal Im Glad I Found This Post Cause Im Hoping To Read One From Some One That Say Im Clean And I Feel 100 Percent Normal I May Not Suffer Physical W/ds Any More But There Is Something About Me That Is Just Not The Same And I Have Yet To Find It And No Pill In This World For Me Will Get It Back Yeah My Klonopin Calms Me Down But What Good Is It If Im Still Not Me!!!! Thanx Kelleigh

Hi Kelleigh. I started this post last month as kinda a 'devil's advocate.' I know intellectually that getting clean is the ONLY decision for all of us. But, like you, I dream about 'getting mySELF back." Of course, if I am to be 'real' about it, there were varying degrees of my "self" before I took prescription drugs. And probably one of those 'selves' was not so great because I obviously felt the need to live life with an unnatural 'high.' To push old wounds to the back burner. And, as for going back to my "self" in my 20s, well, that's probably not realistic since I had virtually none of the worries or losses that I've since experienced in middle age. So, sure can't get back 'there' again. And, then, there's the teen "self' - which I wouldn't go back to for NOTHIN'!! Felt lower than an amoeba! :D So....the reality of this is, I guess we can help form our own "self" after drugs. Build on the foundation of who we were. If we were basically compassionate, funny, eccentric, hyper, driven, mad-as-hatters, whatever!, those traits will still be there. It will be our 'sober brains' that will finally, over time, allow us to think, "Oh yeah....I remember waking up and planning to meet a friend for lunch. That was fun!" (As opposed to waking up and divvying up the dwindling pills.) Who knows...maybe we'll be 'better' than we ever were. And sober enough to realize it!! :)
:twin alice you're totally right i remember my diggest thing was waking up and taking my methadone its amazing how any kind of drug can mask all the things we used to feel and once you take that away it's like wow i had to face all these different things like my mother passed away just before i got on methadone and now its hitting me like a ton of bricks and now i have to learn to deal with anxiety which before methadone i could its almost like you have to learn to do things all over again i 'm now going to counceling to learn how to deal with it all but one day hopefully soon i'll be myself again and so will you thanks for posting that it puts a whole new perspective on things for me and is really encouraging to know i'm not the only one thanx so much kelleigh :angel:
Quote from dotcom:

my name is *** and im an addict. i have 15 months clean and can say honestly that my life has greatly improved. it is not the same as before i used. i am glad to have found this site.

things before using and during were very bad. i was so unhappy with myself! now, i am happy with myself and that is wonderful. i have gained weight and have some health issues but the change is welcome. i can comprehend things now, yes! btw, doc is crystal meth.

hang in there, i have found that so many great things come about from recovery!



thats awesome 15 months and the way you describe the way you feel now gives me hope that things will get better for me iwas on methadone never did crystal meth i know they differ but all inside we are still the same no matter what drug we were or are addicted to thanks for your story i feel a little better ive only been off 3 months but i just take it day by day and hope to one day feel as good as you thanx for the encouragment kelleigh