Discussions that mention methadone

Hi Banker,

Nice to meet you after following you and your story for so many months before I finally broke down and posted a thread called "Hard is life for those who live on for the sake of their loved ones." It's probably back on about page 5 or 6 by now, but it tells the story of my catalyst into addiction. Emotional pain and moderate physical pain, but my "tale of woe" goes something like this...abusive alcoholic father, codependant phenobarbitol addicted mother, incestuous brother-in-law who stalked me in the night at the age of 15 and was my "first," then a stranger broke in thru an unlocked window of my apt. and with a pillow over my head and my hands and feet tied up with electrical cords, I was raped with knife to my throat at age 18. Moved back home, father couldn't stand the sight of his now "tainted" daughter, and I was kicked out of the house. Married a stable man I didn't love and who neglected me terribly, divorced after 18 years, single now for 6, and have buried my 33-yr. old brother when I was 25, and both my parents who died 7 wks. apart when I was 36. And I realize we all have bad things happen for whatever reason, so that is just my story and how I somehow got from the adolescence to being almost 50 and the blur of drugs that surrounded the years inbetween.

So I've been diagnosed with PSTD, and have been given many drugs for whatever ails me and now I can't say no to them. I easily gave up cocaine, acid, pot, shrooms, speed, and all the rest, but the opiates...well, you know. You know, I remember reading your post about hunting all over for a pill! It really stuck out, as I've done that before as well. One time I put on an old blazer, and when I put my hand in the pocket, there was a hydro! Once I changed purses, and lo and behold found 8 hydros at the bottom of one...felt like I'd hit the jackpot, and it made my day. Isn't that disgusting? I know from what you've done you can relate to my movie theater search yesterday, in reflection, it was absolutely sickening.

So Banker, you are the single gal who sings/plays in a band on occasion, am I right? If I confused you with someone else, sorry, but I've always thought that was you. And you are dealing with some weight issues brought on by the sub if I recall. Which brings me to that topic, I've seriously considered talking to someone about either sub or methadone. I recently learned there is a clinic in my city that is nearby, so I'm going to call them and see what they say as I have no insurance. One thing that has always stuck out in everyone's posts on here who is on one or the other is the debate between which is best or if either should ever be used at all...Rockingham said I'd be an excellent candidate for methadone, but then I read the horrendous w/ds people on here post about and that scares me. I also read about the sub, and I understand from what I've read here that w/drawing from that is difficult also? So I am torn and have always tried c/t, but never make it past day three, then end up in the ER with a morphine drip and a script for percs, and a bill for $1,500! The financial price of my addiction is probably the only thing that will force me to do something I think...I currently take about 300 of the 10/325s hydros a month and the amt. varies day to day, depending on what mood I'm in.

I'd love to hear back from you, and thanks for chiming in...I was hoping you would, and please, if you've the time, maybe read my original post and then you can skip the Reader's Digest condensed version of my saga!

Thanks for writing,

DallasAlice

Wow! I thought I had a traumatic childhood... GEEZZ... How horrible. What drugs are you taking now, other than pain pills? Are you taking an AD? What type of pain do you have now and how severe is it?

You got most everything right except I don't sing in a band... I have occassionally but not officially. Would love to though but don't have time w/three kids.
This is my opinion on Sub and/or Meth... if you have chronic pain, you could potentially go to a pain doc and be prescribed methadone. It's extremely cheap in the pill form... legally, of course. I called our clinic here and I believe they said each day is $15... that was a lot of $$ to me. Not to mention having to go daily, stand in line, just the entire humiliation of doing it. Also, I have actually taken a few methadones and let me tell you... If I had a prescription for them, I would end up abusing those as well. I'm sorry and I'll probably get blasted for this but those gave me a better high than lortabs did... and I'm talking about only 20 - 30 mgs per day. It was the same as taking 20 - 25 lortabs per day... I swear, I LOVED methadone.

However, as you've read... Suboxone is different as there is NO high at all. You just feel normal and you feel as though you aren't really an addict. I have NO cravings at all and I just feel normal. It helped w/my depression some. And yes, all of us Sub takers have gained about 20 lbs... However, I'm in the process of losing it. But after I started it (which, by the way... methadone made me really hungry too and I know people that take it and gain weight as well), I binged unbelievably... Entire boxes of chocolates... It was BAD. If I would have known and watched it from the beginning, I might not be fighting this fight with the weight. But I promise you this - you are healthier to be 20 lbs heavier than be killing your liver and taking tons of tabs per day. I would strongly consider looking into it. In fact, please make some calls today. Remember each day makes a difference. Seriously, I'm in the process of considering decreasing my amount... but Im' nervous. Anyway, I'll read your thread when I get home tonight as I have GOT to get back to work. I'm sorry about your situation and what you've had to go through. Isn't it amazing what we can overcome? It amazes me... We couldn't do it though without our 'higher power', in my opinion.
Take care!!!!

Banker

Hi Banker & Best Friend!

Banker, thank you for your honest feelings about the methadone vs. sub situation, honesty about that is what I really need...the bad thing is, after reading about the feeling you say methadone gave you, that is what I would probably lean towards over the sub! In saying that, I guess that means my desire to quit isn't strong enough, is it? If sub does nothing but eliminate the feelings of w/ds, then of course that should be the choice, so without insurance and the limited number of sub docs, is opening the phone book the first place to go? Like I said, I was made aware of a clinic that recently opened for heroin and pain pill addicts, and it offers methadone and Bupronephene (sp???) Is the Bup...whatever, the Sub? I guess I need to really do some research.

And yes, I've been given antidepressents, but hated Prozac and the side effects, another was Dioxapin (a really old one) but didn't feel any different, and after my hysterectomy when I was dealing with a post op infection and pain, the surgeon actually sent me on my way with Zoloft! I had to go to another doctor to get my infection treated, and they did an ultrasound of one of the incisions and it showed a large hematoma which was the cause of the pain. So now I'm only on a benzo (been on it for 15 years) and the vikes (which I've been on off and on, alternating with percs, or darvocet, or whatever, for as long as I can remember...took 3 percodans to get me to walk down the aisle at my wedding when I was 23, and here I am 23 years later with more medical hx so more opportunities for the pills!)

Best Friend, hi! Just when I was going to reply to you on my very first thread, when I was seriously thinking of swallowing 210 pills and Michelle talked me through it, I was sent on "vacation" and didn't get to write back to you! I only have a minute...have to actually leave the basement and go pick my son up from tennis, but I love the reasons behind the user names here! Pets are the best, and I too, have cried over that poem Rainbow Bridge every time I read it! I truly think they know us better than we know ourselves sometimes, and so as much as we love to talk about our pets but fear others find it boring, then a site like the one you're a member of sounds great! I could go on and on about my cat, she's such a baby.

So think about the user names....John 3:16 (with her faith), sadsister (whom I haven't seen around lately?), lisaaahub (and her going thru aa), and yours! So I'm not from Texas, my name isn't Alice, it really is Dallas, but because of the song "Willin' " by Little Feat (Eat a Peach anyone? LOL!), I was dubbed Dallas Alice about 1972. I have a feeling you'll know the line from that song, "...if you give me weed, whites, and wine, and you show me a sign, then I'll be willin' to be movin' " and somewhere in there is "...I see my pretty Alice in every headlight, Alice, Dallas Alice..." and so with my name being Dallas and all the hipster friends I had thinking it was cool, that became my nickname so many years ago.

I have a lot to think about with the sub and/or the meth, but eventually...aren't some kind of withdrawals inevitable with whatever way of quitting opiates a person chooses? Be it c/t, sub, meth, tapering, whatever? I don't know, but for someone who doesn't know much, I sure do blab a lot...

Till next time,

Dallas Alice

:) Good morning Dallas! I was having the same thoughts that you are right now. When I went to my 'sub' doctor, I had not even heard of suboxone, but I knew this doc would prescribe methadone for chronic addics for pain... so I went in, told him I was addicted and lied and said I had severe headaches and needed something for pain.

Unfortunately (fortunately, for me), he absolutely would NOT give me methadone... but tried to sell me on Suboxone. But when he told me 'no high'... It just makes you feel normal, I was quite upset. This is why it took me another month before starting Sub. I was in early wds and was JUST about to get another 50 lortabs, (already placed my call) and a friend of mine was there and she opened the sub bottle, broke off a little piece (she knew how I was supposed to start taking it because she actually went in to see him one time with me) so It took someone standing over me and almost forcing me to take it. What was so hard is I knew once that drug was in me, all of the highs were gone.

But Dallas, it didn't matter once it was in me... Once I got to the dose I needed to be at (8 mgs for about 8 weeks and then increased to 12 mgs) I've done absolutely fine and not wanted for a pain pill hardly at all. Especially now, like I've said... it's like that addict no longer exists. I've thought about how and when I'll get off of it. But believe it or not, I have read success stories of people getting off of it with slight discomfort for about two weeks and then back to full recovery after a month. But I've also heard horror stories about it.

There are occasions when I get so sick of the side effects, I want to get off of it immediately. But, within two or three days, I change my mind until the next time my side effects become extremely bothersome. It's like now I know what meds and foods to eat to help with them. Who knows if I'll be on it forever. I hope not as I would really like to get back to my skinny self but my 'average' self isn't too bad either.

I had severe depression when I 'got sober'... even though I was still taking an opiate, I had/have no high, therefore seeing the world for what it was and actually tackling every day life without the high was tough for the first few weeks... then my antidepressant kicked in.. but Im sure you know that several months ago I went through a break up and it threw me into the worst depression I've ever had... When I look back now, I'm sure that the depression was there all along, it's just that I was barely hanging on. But since I got on Welbutrin, all of that changed.

Do you abuse the benzos too or just pain pills? Anyway, I've got to get ready for work. REALLY trying to get to work on time. I've got to tons to do. Also, just FYI for anyone that is reading, looks like my 'dream guy' did not work out. Oh well... I swear, just doesn' seem like it's in the cards for me to have a happy, loving relationship with a man. Let me rephrase... a NORMAL man.

Oh, and as far as the money goes, you will probalby pay less than what you are paying now for all of your drugs. However, you will not be killing yourself in the meantime. Also, I've heard and seen people who do not react well to methadone. Anyway, I do hope you think about it... you will not be killing yourself. And would it hurt to just try it for short time, just to see what you think? And yes, Bup is the same as Suboxone... Think about it!!!! Your kids want their mother back. I didn't realize how much i had detached from my children until I was on sub... Gotta go but take care of yourself...