Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Hey everyone~ jeepers, I feel like a complete idiot, what I wrote here yesterday. Yes, I do want to go into treatment.....and I plan to. I dont get physical w/d's, not horribly, what I mean is, I need to CLARIFY what I meant.
Ok, first of all, I am on Wellbutrin XL 300mg. I started it on March 17 of this Year. omg, I am not writing good here at all today.....ok, what I meant to write first was this; I can detox myself, w/out a clinic. The reason I know this, is because I have done it tons of times......I can get past not feeling so great. The HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM IS.....PSYCHOLOGICAL!!!! And from what I understand, that can last for years, with addiction. It (the feelings & memories when we used), are locked in that certain area of our brain, that pleasure center, opiate receptors, etc.....so our brain tells us , hey something is missing here, as soon as some "time" goes by for me .....like the first day w/out stuff, I will be ok, maybe the 2nd day, get a little irritable, edgy....craving...and then I will snack in place of using. That is another whole story, it seems along with my addiction, I also have many other things running like roots of a tree that go out every where....things that have branched off into other areas, but I believe alot of it is interconnected. Like I believe alot of addicts also have OCD. Also, eating/food disorders/appearance anxiety, just to name a few. And Yes, Lynn, I want to get that book called..." Depression, the Noonday Demon." I have seen that book for years and wondered if it was good, now that you said it is good, I want to get it as soon as I can. Anyways, as the days go on w/out using, the more I start to think about it......!
It started out with opiates, Rx legit things. Cough syrups, Rx kind.....they are sooooooooooooooooo addicting.....! Anyway, earlier this year in March, I did get on Methadone, but I got reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly sick, BAD after only the second day of it. It was awful. I was in bed the whole wk.end....the counselor said it may have been a reaction from the stuff I was taking all that week....but I dont know.....my best friend is on Methadone, and now she is hooked on Heroin. She got on methadone for her oxy addiction, then she was doing good, but now she has been doing H, and I believe Cocaine.
anyway, I am going off on rabbit trails here...
I tried Methadone, Suboxone.......both. I hated Suboxone. I really did give that a try, for a few months, and all I did was always feel nauseas, and just slept all the time. Consequently, from that, I began to gain quite a bit of weight, which then sent me into another tailspin. I spent one night at a recovery place....it was ok, I guess. kind of a dive...but I tried it....it was supposed to only be for 24 hr. observance...

anyway, listen, I am so sorry for writing that weird email yesterday guys!

Like I said, I am on Wellbutrin, but I was off of it recently for like 2 weeks, because I was using the other opiates as my self medication, of course...so I was like ahhh I'll put the wellbutrin away for awhile. Plus, in all honesty, I dont really know as it even helped. People tell me I seemed better on it, but I dont know....I did not notice a big improvement. Anyway, I finally picked up my Wellb. on Friday, and had it then. But, here is where the problem comes in.....ok, it is like this, I want to take opiates, that is my first choice, and I like them because I do believe they are wonderful antidepressants,, but the way things are, of course we cant use them for that purpose, legally.....! So, when I cant get opiates, a thing that I did last Summer, alot, was DXM, "dextromethorphan"...it is otc, and if anyone says it is not addicting, they dont know what they're talking about. I dont really like it, and it is kind of disgusting getting and taking it, but it is my back up. The thing is, I think with my wellbutrin and the dxm, yesterday, whew~ I had a wierd feeling all night. Very strange thoughts. It is so weird on that crap, you feel like you are so smart, and you can sit here and figure out all these answers to things, at least you think, but that is the stuff that I notice I get paranoid on. Real bad. I read in a book somewhere that dxm users do become very paranoid of things and ppl. anyway, I will check you guys later. Thanks for the help & support.