Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

I left my ex because he was using again after three year of being clean. This was before I became addicted myself and had even a remote understanding of what it was about.

I could tell he was using. And he lied about it to me. I never even found the pills. In my case, huge amounts of his pay check started missing. His paycheck used to cover the bills and all of a sudden, it would be gone in a matter of days. Sign number 1.

He was also extremely moody. He drinks as well and that doesn't help when he's in wd. He became increasingly violent and abusive which actually spurred me more than the actual drug abuse. He threatened to kill me. And when I moved out, he threatened really lovely things like burning my trailer down and turning me into a crispy critter sitting in front of the computer.

He would come home from work all hyped up. And talk and talk and talk. I'd ask him if he took something. He'd swear he didn't. I'd believe him.

But at some point, it became impossible to ignore. That and the violent outbursts.

Then I became an addict myself and all the pieces fell into place. Just little clues. The thing about absolutely having to take a bottle of water everywhere. If he forgot his water bottle, we'd have to stop and buy some. When I started using I had dry mouth and drank constantly. I had to have my water bottle with me.

When I started taking narcotics, just occasionally at first, he could always get them. The first time I took anything from him, he gave me a 20 mg methadone and told me to take the whole thing. I had no tolerance and puked for about 24 hours. It was horrible. I'm amazed I ever took any again.

He was so surprised. He could take 100 mgs with absolutely no effect. Not even feel it. How was that I wondered? Granted he's bigger than me, but that's a 5x amount. Only thing it could be was tolerance and the only way you get tolerance is by using.

And yep, junkies lie like it's second nature. I lied to him. He lied to me. When I started wd, I came clean. I had to. It's not something you can hide and I see him every day. He lives almost next door. Then so did he. He'd been using on and off the whole time as I suspected.

You can't make him stop. It's something he has to do on his own. You don't want to live with a junkie. There's no future in it. Say bye bye to ever having money for anything including food or ever owning anything nice. Be prepared to take second place to a drug. It is the only thing we think about and our lives revolve around getting it, taking it, running out, freaking out, finding more and on and on.

There's some lyrics by Patty Loveless that I think are really apropos to the whole addiction issue in relationships:

"And the darkness still echoes her warning
You can't have two loves in your life
Now the things that still haunt him
Till the day he dies
Is the smell of cheap wiskey
And the sound of goodbye"

I agree with whoever said you need to get help for yourself and not worry about him.

It doesn't look good to me. Intuitions have a way of being correct. You know the saying, "Trust your instincts."