Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board


I have been clean for three years almost off of heroin and crack and methadone. It is really hard in the beginning to not have the constant memories that lead to jonsing from everything you pass and everywhere you go. I did my drug use and behavior everywhere. The mind is really weird. When you start to make new memories off drugs on different streets and at different places they start to erase the old ones. It plays old tapes when the play button is barely pushed. I found that I went to my most horrible memory and made that most horrible memory my thought I trained myself to think of. One that disgusted me and that was the immediate thing I thought of anytime I started thinking of drugs. It cut that thought short. Yuck! Your thinking is huge to change, I had no friends when I ended ,none that fit into my new life I was after,and I started fresh, new job, new place, new attitude, new person. I did not tell people what was up with me and just went in and acted as normal as possible. The one thing I also realized is that unfortunatly I could not move to Mars and I would have to learn to live here. What ever works is the way to go. Faith came with time but did not happen in the beggining for me at all. I got it the longer I had been clean. I had been a sort of athiest. Weird huh? I had moments of depression. I had to remember that it would pass with time. It does. Your body has to recover and that is one of its ways of doing so. Ya just got to push through and get to the next phase. It had been so long since I had been even remotly ok that it was a whole new world. In the beginning meetings and those people had to guide me cuz I could not do it on my own. My brain sort of shut down. I felt like a 2yr old. That passes too. I steared clear of any using people I knew and they are self absorbed so they usually dont come looking for you after a little while. My body took a while to get better but it did. Good luck
Well, I went the methadone route after several failed attempts to get clean any other way. I battled with vicodin, oxys and finally heroin for about six years. I know that there are some people who do not consider MMT patients clean and some say that it is just switching one addiction for another - Yes, I am dependent on methadone, but I definately believe there is a difference between being dependent on something and being addicted. Methadone doesn't consume my life, there's no chase, and I definately do not get high. But, anyway, this post is not an advertisment for methadone...lol.

I think one thing that is very important to staying clean is the people that we hang around with. If you are an addict it is very difficult and can be dangerous to be around other people who are using. I learned the hard way this summer when I started dating a guy who liked to party a lot. Deep down I knew that I had no business being in a bar, but I fooled myself into thinking that I could just have a couple of drinks and I would be okay. Well, needless to say my summer turned out to the be the summer from hell and I ended up relapsing pretty badly...I used pills again, did cocaine (it turns out this guys had a BAD crack addiction and I have since gotten away from him!) I ended up dropping a dirty U/A at the clinic and lost my take home privledges so I had to go to the clinic everyday for 60 days. The whole thing was pretty horrible especially because I let so many people down, including myself. I never wanted to do that again and I promised myself that I would never touch pills or heroin again when I went to the clinic four years ago and until than I had kept that promise. So, seriously, be careful who you hang out with.

I am better now. I got my take homes back at the clinic , got rid of the jerk, and I'm back on track. Even though it was a really bad experience,when I stop and think about my kids and how sad they looked when I started this **** again ... I never want to see that look on their faces again. I won't hurt them like that again. So, there I think is another way to help us stay clean - think about the people that we love and how much our drug use hurts them. That helps me to stay clean. Also, I don't want to feel like **** about myself anymore and nothing brings you down quicker than drugs. Well, congradulations to everyone who has gotten clean and good luck to all who are still fighting...don't give up the fight. If I can do this, you can too.
Sue
Quote from dwp512:
Windy...this was such a good read. Being 3 days clean, I was sitting here thinking about these exact issues....how do I stay clean. Already this little, but extremely persuasive voice in my head is arguing ...you can handle it, just one the weekends, etc. The little *******...I'd ring his neck if I could catch him.
dp


Hi dp, congratulations on 4 days! Truly, the 24 hour, one day at a time theory really works. We can do almost anything for 24 hours, sometimes even breaking it down more~ into 10 minutes at a time if necessary, especially if you are having a tough withdrawal or tough day. Just for today I can stay clean. Another thing that helped me during those early, early days is
having the willingness to be uncomfortable! I could never stay stopped, when I would pick up again the moment the going got tough! Just knowing that it isn't going to be comfortable, can help with having the right mindset. Some of us just have to pray for the willingness until it comes!

For myself, I tried lots of different ways and literally hundreds of times to quit, (I am Sooo old!) but the thing that works for me is AA/NA - And going to lots of metings, especially in the beginning. I would never have ever stayed stopped without them. I have been clean and sober with the help of AA for 16+ years, but truly, only doing it One day at a time. I know it is not for everyone, but if you are new and trying to stay clean, the support and unconditional love that you will find there is magical. Something has to fill that empty hole that we are left with when we give up our "best friend and companion- DRUGS and/or alcohol"! I found meetings and the tools of recovery that I continue to learn there to be what works for this drug addict. I just want to qualify that I was addicted to every type of drug out there including,
meth, H, methadone, pain pills (opiates), xanax, valium and booze. I tell you this simply to offer hope to anyone who is still suffering with this disease of addiction. It is do-able! Sometimes we just have to wait (or pray) for the willingness.

My love and warmest hopes and prayers go out to all you just beginning (or trying to hang onto) this journey of recovery. Yep, it's do-able.
Ell