Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Dear Root,

You don't know me, but I sure feel like I know you...I was one of those who read from afar yet never posted...you know the type, the lurker! I had been reading this board for probably over a year before I joined about 4 months ago. Once in awhile--even further back than that (like 2 years or more, maybe?)--I used to read this board when even you were somewhat of a "newbie," ;) and you had a thread going about your hydro addiction. As that was my drug of choice, it caught my eye, and that was the first thread I followed here. I always wondered about you and the others with whom you were corresponding (I mostly recall your converstations with Philster, Rudder, Jeri, and others whom I can't remember at the moment) and I was so intrigued by the commaraderie (sp?) and encouragement and support that I saw being shared here, that I finally stopped lurking and joined in this last summer.

From what I remember about you and my reading of it from behind the scene, if I am right, you had around a 30+ a day vike habit going on (but then I remember you offering the board an apology of sorts as your habit was actually quite a bit more than that, and I am thinking it was more in the 50/day area? PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong, though, okay!? I remember how very worried you were about how the others here would think of you, yet you continued to receive the same supportive, encouraging posts I have found offered to me since I came here.

In all honesty, it is this board and its members that deserves the credit for my finally putting the pills away and my beginning treatment. My story is long and scattered all around the place, and it was on a night filled with suicidal thoughts and enough pills and booze to probably have done it right, that I made my first post. I quickly rec'd a reply from Michelle (John 3:16), and we talked for quite awhile that nigh--which now seems so very long ago and like it was a different person than me talking. Because of Michelle's care and interest in my well-being that night, along with many others, I've been alive and well and posting away ever since!

Funny how I didn't think of posting on this board as my taking a "step," though, you know? But in hindsight I can see that it was a very big step...if one were to look at it from the point of view that I'd been reading from behind the screen for so very long, and then a "trigger" went off inside me, and I typed my first thread. I guess what I am trying to say is that to go from lurking to participating was a very big step, at least for me, and it was members like you who had such a strong desire to stop taking the pills that kept me coming around and eventually created in me the urge to talk about my addiction to people who could understand.

All attempts at c/t and tapering failed, so after much research and reading the input I asked for from the members here, I decided to go on methadone. I considered Sub, but the cost was prohibitive. It feels great to not be thinking constantly of pills, pills, pills! I do flash back to the feelings of the high and the euphoria, but my kids and my well being and health...along with a sizable stack of bills...brings me back to reality.

Well, I didn't mean to ramble on so, especially since we've never corresponded before! I just really wanted to say "hi" to one of the people on this board who, without knowing it, was creating a desire in a person somewhere out in cyber-land to get off this craziness and start living a different kind of life, and I wanted to thank you for that, too. I see you don't post as much since your difficult time with the Sub and the very real pain issues that you also have to deal with, but I hope that you will send me some of that "positive energy" you so often wrote about :)!

Congratulations on doing so well...you sure have come a long way, and it wasn't an easy time of it either. One more thing...I remember you were going to a counselor and a lot of meetings...do you find the meetings helpful? Or do you run into people who think if you're on the Sub or the Methadone, that you're just trading in one drug for anther? I would like to find a meeting to go, but the thought of that keeps me away, I think (either that, or it's one heck of a great excuse, LOL!)

Hope to talk to you again, and I'm glad I was able to get to intoduce myself to someone I feel I've known for a very, very long time...

Dallas Alice
Well, thanks to you all for being so kind and telling me a hello back from my post. I have to really thank Dallas because I have evry day sent positive enrgy to evry one here and evry where any addict is. I never knew for sure if it was helping any one, but it is a kind of habit now, you know. Dallas, thank you so much for letting me know that any thing I did here on this board was helpfull to you. When I think back to those terrible days of being sick and still having to always look for more of those pills, it makes me sick now, lol. I was up to 500 mg. of hydrocodone a day and at the end, that didn't even feel like enough. I am so grateful for this board and people who reached out to me. I am sure the positive enrgy from this board helped me very much.

I have a few close frends who are recovring and I hang with them. I keep very busy too. I also go to AA meetings at least three or four times a week. I find it really helps especially on those nights when I feel bored and or antsy, you know? When I was on the sub I never said any thing about it because I didn't know how the AA or NA group would act. I figured I was clean even if they didn't and I didn't want to mess up the good enrgy I had going with the group. I have to say it feels now much better to know I am 100% clean but I would not let Sub or Methadone stop me from going to meetings. I wouldn't tell them, but you can still make so many good and real frends. That's just my take.

I have a lot of pain on some days and not too much on others. I find that I am incresingly less able to walk very far and while this distreses me, I don't want to go on any narcotic unless it would become absolutely no other way necessary. Even with some discomfort, I am so happy to be drug free. I have had sevral epidurals and they have helpled a lot. I also switched recently from Celebrex to Motrin because of the problems with the Viacin and that was a hard transition trying to find the right dose of Motrin. Now it is okay.

Lisa, thanks for asking and remembering about Luke. We have become very tight and he goes evry where with me. I have so much love for him but I tend to worry some thing will happen to him because I am still very heart sick over losing my Joey. He is healthy and happy though and he is my best frend.

Well, thanks again evry one for still caring about me and welcoming me here. I send positive enrgy to all and I want to help any one here in any way I can as we all fight together against this crazy addictions. Take care.