Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Hi Everyone!

I've been thinking about all of you for quite some time myself lately, so I was happy to see this thread. My kids are on the computer a lot lately w/homework, and my job keeps me away from my house from 8:00 to 6:00. The weekends are a blur of so much catching up and chores that I rarely log on.

But I suspect the main reason I dropped out for awhile was that there were so many new members and threads that I lost sight of where all of you were! That's more truthful than anything else because I know when we were all clicking away at the same time on our keyboards, seldom did a day go by without my checking the boards, and then BAM, a flurry of activity from folks that I wanted to share with, but for whatever reason, I didn't...? Don't really know how to explain it, but maybe I have become one of those "clique" girls I hated in school, and just missed my old "crew." LOL...!

I'm still on the methadone, and I haven't reduced or increased my dose, but I am feeling some breakthru withdrawals, and I am not sleeping as well as I was at the beginning, and my feeling-better-about-things attitude is waning. This is a tough time of the year for me with the holidays approaching and all, also. I have officially slipped into my seasonal depression...I truly hate this time of year. My brother's b'day is this coming week; he'd have been 53! I can't believe it, he was 33 the last time I saw him... My kids will be with their dad over Thanksgiving, and I am trying to come up with something "fulfilling" to do like donate my time to a shelter or something. Sounds good, but when I delve into my solo pity parties, I think of things to do but seldom act on them.

I have been going to a gym after work, and that's a good thing. I hate this sweet tooth I've developed since the methadone, and I've gained 10 lbs. and I see more coming! I've really cut back on the sweets, so I'm hoping some exercise and a better diet will help me feel better in general. Does anyone know why the meth and sub causes this weight gain?! Yikes...I wasn't expecting it, and for me it's really hard as I've been the same weight for 30 years! I've never dieted in my life, and this is something really new to me, so I'm in hibernation until I feel I look better.

Found out the guy I was last with is "in love" with his new girlfriend, and in his words, "she's so perfect, I'm afraid this is too good to be true." What a jerk...and this statement came after he told me about their 2-wk trip to Germany and all the fun he had there. See, when I was on the vikes, I wouldn't travel for all the reasons you all know and understand, but he couldn't get it, so now he even threw that up at me like "well, you wouldn't ever go anywhere with me..." Hello! I was in full-blown addict-he**!! Oh well, deep down I know we aren't right for each other, but right now, I just don't want to see him happy. I know, I know...my bad, but I am just being honest.

So that's it in a nutshell for me, feeling the holiday, winter blues and blahs setting in, missing my old gang on here and too tired to get to know the new members like I wanted to try to do. Still sticking to the program, and haven't had a relapse since August, and am thinking I really, really need to find a meeting to go to...or go shopping, I'm not sure....(just kidding, I hope?!)

Lynn, I am so sorry your foot is still bugging you, and although your lip situation sounds painful and unsightly, thanks for the Goldie Hawn reference...that was a good laugh :)! Hi to twin Alice! You two take care of each other now, ya' hear?

Love to you all, and any advice on how to keep the grinch factor at bay is very welcome,

Dallas Alice

P.S. Where is Lisa and Michelle? Maybe I've missed their posts, I need to look around...also haven't seen my meth cronies, Rockingham or Jen or bluejulie around here lately? Soooo many threads to sift through, sigh...
Hey..Dallas/Pill diva/Lissa-
So glad you guys responded to this thread-i couldn't list all the names..etc..but it was a shout-out to the old crowd..miss everyone..
Lissa- :wave: hope you are ok-you have so many issues w/ your teeth-that sucks!
Did the original surgery go bad?I know you were so happy w/your "new smile"-and mouth pain is very intense.Are you going to have to kick again-or is it short term meds..
I know what you mean about going out w/ your husband and having dinner-and you feel like "your one of those silent couples"..i just stopped going out to dinner..take out is dinner out these days..
This is a tough time of year w/ addicts-for me..it was having enough drugs/and enough $$ for presents/foods/decor..putting on the face..of having it together for the family-and always..trying to kick during vacation..
Talk about PtSD..i keep envisioning myself having the flu..after xmas..trying once again to get off the drugs..
The flu-to others-for me..agony..
Well this year-i get a break-one year on the sub..im planning the mellowest of holidays..the 3 of us-nice dinner at home/movies-lots of comfy..ness.
DALLAS!..Whatsssup!! :wave:
The methadone can have a more "jonsesy" aspect than the sub..from what ive heard from others on MMT-if your dose isn't right..you may need it adjusted..you shouldn't really have any w/ds-but i know what you mean-even on the sub-some afternoons-i start yawning uncontrollably-im sneezy-or fatigued beyond belief..is that w/ds..or what?
The weight thing does suck-i also have NEVER been this weight-im clapping when im hanging in the 150s..i was always-120-135..tops..and you do feel bad-but the need for sweets..im trying hard believe me..i even joined WW-
but realised it was a waste of time/$$..w/ zero control..
I think if i got off the sub-id lose the weight-still should check my thyroid.
So great hearing from ya'll..we need to stay in touch-esp..this time of year..
Its addicts bad time o' the year..well-definitely in the past-
Cheers to all-we'll help each other thru it..
stay strong sisters-
ggrl :angel:
Dallas Alice, Lisa!! (And where is Banker??) Welcome Back, guys! We can thank Goddessgirl for starting this thread and hauling us all back on board! :wave:

I think I agree with Dallas A....that when suddenly all the new (and very welcome) posters start introducing themselves and their struggles, etc., it can be overwhelming just trying to read all the new information...and sometimes almost impossible to sit down and write the understanding and "connective" letter they deserve." (It is one thing to answer a poster's question with some short, good advice...but another thing to write a "first-timer" with an empathetic and thought-out message that says "I know what you're going through....and I'm here for you....and you don't have to feel alone in your struggle." That may seem an easy thing to write....but....when you multiply the emotional output you feel for each poster....by the number of new posters per day...that's a LOT of heartbreak for one person to commit to.

So...to keep ourselves from a kind of "emotional overload" (not to mention the time limits on each of our livess!)....we all tend to read through and focus-in on those with similar problems we can both identify with--and feel most able to help. We all "connect" for so many difference reasons (that often have nothing to do with one another's lifestyles; ie, "mother vs. non-mother" or "North vs. South" (!! LOL!), etc, etc.) Basically, we are really just choosing how many "souls" we can hope to realistically nourish!!! :angel:

Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't answer many, many other posters. But, I think, Dallas Alice, that the reasons above may help us deal with why we feel so squeamishly "cliquey" at times....when we feel unable to invest more emotion than we already are. (And thus ends "The Philosophy of Board Cliques 101"!!! :D

(And having said all that....I miss our "old group", too...and hope we stay resurrected!)

What does your doctor say, Dallas A., about the changes you are experiencing with the methadone? Does he think the emotional problems you are feeling at the moment can influence how the drug works? Do you have that illness "Sad" (I think it's called), where sufferers go into clinical depressions every year, when the sun is weakest--and shortest--in the winter sky. I knew of someone who experienced it--tho I'm not sure how it was treated.

With the memories of your brother, your (expletive deleted!!) ex-boyfriend, etc, these are real difficulties you're having to deal with. And--please excuse me--all you seasonal holiday lovers--but--I've come to believe that the entire "joyous season"--of Thanksgiving right through New Years--was a plot perpetrated by Scrooge, himself--to ensure total misery for those of who spend much of those months remembering how those holidays USED to be!! (Thanks to now-deceased family, or family feuds, or separation and divorce, wars, etc.) For about 6 weeks, we are expected to be "top 'o the world" (not to mention depleting our wallets as fast as we can get our Mastercards out). If ever a period of time was produced to specifically call on so many of us to compare ourselves to the few out there who actually DO celebrate a Hallmark Holiday each year--then, this it IT!! LOL! :D I know, I know...I'm a cynic!! But this time of year DOES remind me of lost family. And I DO enter into what feels like a Satanic contract with my hated bank to "afford" the holiday spirit!

(I have to share this funny story re. the holidays! Some years ago, my friend originally from New Orleans, who fights manic depression, suicidal thoughts, a dysfunctional family history that defines the word "dysfunctional"--but, also posseses the world's most hilarious sense of humor--was over at my sister apt. It was late October--and thinking of how miserable the holidays always were for this friend--I said something like "oh, I know how depressing this time of the year always is for you. All that "family" stuff, etc, etc." and, after a pause of about 5 seconds, my friend turned to me and said "Yeahhhh......Halloween is always a toughie for me.") :jester:

Anyway, in truth, I DO love snow, Christmas trees, sparkly lights, the beautiful NY department store windows....and holiday dinenrs with my best pal....so I don't want to sound like a REAL Scrooge! LOL! I just kinda find the forced "joy no matter WHAT" of the season a little off-putting at times!!!

Anyway, Dallas A.--I do hope you've discussed the breakthru withdrawal with your nice methadone doctor. That's important! You've done so well and it may just be a matter of a small dosage change. And, THEN...as soon as you feel better...you just hop into your car and you get yourself over to your nearest shopping center...and you just buy, buy, buy! Treat yourself (and loved ones) to everything that makes you smile!

As for your boyfriend.....ugh! Gets me mad the way your ex talks of stuff like traveling as if you WANTED to stay home. Did he ever try to truly understand addiction? I never even told my husband (separated for almost 3 years) about mine....but you can sure it would have been seen thru how it affected HIM, not me. Which is why I never told him. It would have been a "character flaw" to him, if I couldn't "just say no"!!! (Okay, okay...I do have SOME pity for him. But not much! LOL!) He was pretty darn caught up in himself.

Lisa, I wish a magic wand could just be waved over your marriage. I hear that sadddness you feel. One of the hardest things for me to accept in my marriage, was that I never felt...I guess "cherished" is the right word. That had disappeared so long ago....and just looking at other couples together, say at Christmas, choosing their tree from the street vendor from Maine...or walking down the block, each supporting one end of the tree and excitedly heading home...was enough to make me have to shove back that old "eye rain."

I could never entertain 25 people!! I salute you! :-) Up until she died, a few years ago at 96, our aunt cooked and held our family Thanksgiving--a tradition that went on for 46 years!!! It was only THAT thanksgiving--she died just before the holiday--that we'd FINALLY all agreed to have the holiday at a pretty restaurant near-by my apt. My aunt had said "Okay! I want a vacation from Thanksgiving!" LOLOL!! (And none of us knew how to cook! So...she said..."pick a pretty place and we'll have our feast THERE!" She would have liked the place we chose! :-)

My sympathies on your teeth....but at least you have got them done with! I have many great times to look forward to, when I get on the Sub...and turn my attention to these teeth!!! :eek: Like you, I will need tons of work. So I sympathize with what you've gone through. Having even one gum treatment 5 years ago, left me hding from my dentist--no matter HOW many times he phoned and left me messages at home. LOL!

Well, have a good Sunday everyone. Today will be a boring "summer to winter drawer sorting day"!! Ugh. tty soon, love, Lynn