Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Glad you are getting out i have heard na/aa are truly lifesavers, im gonna need help to get through tis i have heard getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is a whole other matter, i went to see a lady counselor 2 times over my depresion/anxiety but you know i didnt mention i have been addicted to vics for 5 years i know what a loser i am. she did ask if i was self medicating with alcohol and i admitted i was at night to sleep however to be honest it is more than that and i didnt admit it. she and i didnt seem to gel real great but i dont know how well you you are supposed to get along with your councelor, i was supposed to see her today but i canceled last night i was scared yesterday was a REALLY bad day mentally and to be honest i didnt know if i could even drive to her office and my state of mind is well its bad, at home in the safety of my home im functioning but anything beyond that i never know although i did quite a few errands today so thats a plus. im going to make a call tomorrow to this mental health place and make an appt. to be quite honest i week ago saturday i had a blackout i have no memory of any of it my hubby was freaked i guess i called his work at 3am (he does work shift work) but appantly he was right here in bed sleeping among other things I AM SO ASHAMED, i cant believe i have no memory of this any way thats how ive got here told myself take your last pill drink through the wds if you have to 10 days julie i told myself then the alcohol has to go no excuses i have never been a drinker started august of 03 didnt get to bad till 6months ago last 2 months BAD unfortunatly for me i dont drink beer i dont like the taste of alcohol so i drink shots of canadian club i am a small woman,however i know alcohol and benzo wds can kill you unlike opiate wds where you want to die, and quite frankly i liked my pills i could do anything , function, and NOONE had a clue alcohol is not as easy to hide and i feel like **** alot of the time im drinkingso i guess thats good anyways when i woke up from this blackout i felt like i had the flu bad hot/cold shaking I WAS SCARED i called 3 places to see if this is normal i was honest with all of them 1 told me no go directly to er, i almost had a complete meltdown, i said depending on how much i had drank ( i had no idea) this was normal and it would take a while before i felt better, the 3rd guy was really nice took his time with me told me he also remembered his first blackout and being freaked told come talk with him anytime i think i gonna go to him already told him most of the worst, right? Apparently he is in recovery so he has life knowledge not just book knowledge, ya know? Anyways after tomorrow its 2 shots less here and in a few days if i want alcohol i have to drink beer(which i cant stand) hoping to stop from there and possibly avoid to much problems. My hubby knows ive given myself the 10 days with the wds so he will be watching somewhat. i dont know after writing this i think i feel like im in denial but i wanted i needed off those pills so damn much and im a CHICKEN, hats off to you for the cold turkey, now and in 88ive read drug addiction message boards for 3 years never posted till now and after all ive read methadone is the worst not many make it and certainly not c/t, so you can defiently do this. Wish i knew someone in na id go, theres a girl i know at church not real well but have heard she is in recovery from alcohol and possibly xanax ive been thinking of opening up to her i believe she has some years of clean time behind her.Oh God this is so demeaning i teach the 3-5 year olds at church every Weds and im a drug addict using alcohol to get off pills, people would not believe what a mess i am, seriously do you have any idea how much a vicodin costs on the street. Serious problems here havent came clean yet **** is gonna hit the fan. but i havent had a pill in a week i will survive but im scared. sorry to overwhelm you with this book but thats my life and my story takes guts to go to na or someone and tell them what youve done i believe you have a great foundation for recovery and youll be a success story hang on to that. Can you tell my boys have been watching a movie ive typed a novel. If you get a chance tell me about na i might be more likely to go if i have some idea what im walking into, also if there is not na close can you use aa or do they not believe in pills/ alcohol/ or whatever drug being the same?Best of luck to you tomorrow and when you read thid please dont be afraid to be honest with me about the pill/alcohol thing i need guidance i want this to stop and i want next year to be better. By the way did you ever hear of redamax? the hamburger place in New Buffalo? Take care sorry for the long post just needing to vent feels good to be honest again..............julie