Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Hello All...This is my story of HOPE....it has been several years since I have last posted. I do however see a few "names" I recognize. Anyway, I thought I would tell my story in hopes that it will help a few of you. My journey begins about 10 years ago. I had just had a baby and had moved to a new city. I started abusing alcohol and then a boyfriend turned me on to heroin. At the time I didn't know what was wrong with me, why I was so incredibly sad all the time, I later found out it was probably post-partum depression. Anyway, the heroin use began my spiral down hill. I ended up losing everything, including custody of my daughter. I was continuing on that downward spiral when I got pregnant for the second time. I was on methadone at the time and my doctor would not start a methadone taper while I was pregnant. After I had my baby, my docter kept me in the hospital for 2 weeks, hoping to try and wean me off the methadone. Well, I can honestly say now, that was the worst two weeks of my life. I thought I was going to die! The depression and lethargy were incredible! After two weeks I was released from the hospital and returned to the methadone clinic. At the clinic I met a girl who was selling vicodin, Methadone clinics are a great way to meet people to do drugs with, at least the one I went to, that day began my journey of vicodin addiction. I spent approximately 6 years addicted to vicodin, whatever I could find. At my worst I was taking 25-30 a day!! Nobody and I mean NOBODY knew I was doing this. I functioned normally, or thought I did anyway, i was a paralegal, raised my youngest daughter, became a homeowner, all while being horribly addicted to the vicodin. I had several connections to buy them from and getting those little white pills was NEVER far from my mind. It was the first thing I thought (and felt) in the morning when I woke up and the last thing I thought about when I went to bed, I would look in the mirror and myself and I felt sick to my stomach!! I was such a fraud!! Everybody, including my employer thought I was this wonderful person who had her sh** together, meanwhile I was 1 pill away from falling apart!! Those pills came first, before anything else. If I got a bonus, I used it to buy pills, if I got a tax return check, i used it to buy pills! I was on this board everyday, all day searching....for a way out! In late 2002, around xmas time if I remember correctly, I posted a long babbling post about how sick I was of being and addict and how I made myself sick to look in the mirror because I was such a fraud. I received a post back that changed my life. I won't go into the details of the post, but after hearing this woman's story, I just knew I could change my life. I started searching for a way to change my life and then in early 2003, 1 month before my husband died of an oxycontin overdose, i found suboxone! I have been on suboxone now for almost 4 years. I tried to detox 1 time, it was hell, went back on on it and never looked back. My life has changed in so many ways since I went on the suboxone. It took me a while to find a good doctor. I moved 2 years ago to phoenix and found that there are a lot of unscrupulous doctors who will charge you an arm and a leg to prescribe suboxone, they want you to pay huge fees for the first appointment then once they have you in their office and give you your first prescription, they know they can charge you just about any price for an "office visit" because you have to have those pills. However, I can tell you that there are good doctors out there that can prescribe suboxone, doctors that care. I know because I have one. He is the most amazing doctor I have EVER gone to. He believes that suboxone is meant to be a lifetime medication. Notice I use the term medication instead of drug. My doctor feels that suboxone is just like your anti-depressant or diabetes pill that you have to take everyday to stay healthy. He charges a very small, modest office visit fee and will spend as much time with you at your appointment as you want. When I went to my first appointment he spend over an hour with me!!! This doctor has educated me in so many ways! I don't feel like a junky going in to his office every month and I'm treated with dignity and respect, unlike another suboxone docter i went to see in phoenix, he seemed to want me to "pay" for my presecriptions. My doctor has also-after 40 years of suffering-diagnosed me as bipolar and prescribed Symbyax and that drug has changed everything for me. Taking the Suboxone and the Symbyax together has made me a whole person! The person that I think I was supposed to be, but took a doctor who really cared, to figure it out! Anyway, I know this is long, but I truly understand those who are in the throws of addiction and how depressing and miserable it feels. I wanted all of those people to know that there is hope, don't give up!!! You can do it, I did! Just think, if you start now, you'll be clean by next christmas and think of all the christmas gifts you can buy when you are not spending all your money on pills!! Oh and by the way, my insurance covers my suboxone, not by choice, but also by having a caring doctor who called my insurance company and would not take no for an answer!! If anyone has any questions regarding my experiences please feel free to ask. I'm an open book!:wave: