Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Good Morning one and all. I hope this reaches everyone in good health and spirits. Im happy to report that I'm clean and sober. I had to quit counting the days because it was taking a toll on my thought process. I don't know why but as I said day 3 clean etc.. it was dragging the days out.For some reason the last couple days have been a nightmare. I have been sweating like crazy while sleeping and the anixety is out of control. I will overcome this no matter the side effects. I'm a little bit more aware everyday the damage I've done to my mind, body,soul. I had the most disturbing conversation with my brother yesterday. He is a addict himself.(in denial) Anyway he asked me why I chose to be a junky. I was floored ! I couldn't even respond which made him think I was back to using. He said he knew I wouldn't clean up and that I'm gonna be found with a needle in my arm dead on the bathroom floor. Again I couldn't respond. I had so much to say to him but thought the better of it. I don't need his 2 cents...especially when he's so drunk he can't pronounce "methadone". I feel like it should be getting easier to stay sober but every couple days I get this craving that I can't shake. I in turn get really grumpy and hateful. I begin to make excuses as to why life was better while using. It's pretty pathetic. I started to write down the pro's and con's of using VS. not using of course not using has won out every time. I guess I'm just afraid to fall back,I feel like some people are trying to "get" me to use. Misery loves company type of deal. I'm sorry for rambling..I just need to vent. Jerry..buddy I have been reading your posts and in one you said you failed because you looked at the pills. Don't you see you were face to face with pure evil and walked away unscathed?! We're addicts Jerry that will never change,what has and will continue to change is the way we deal with our addictions. You are my hero and an inspiration to many. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Peace Love and Skittles
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