Discussions that mention methadone

Addiction & Recovery board

Hi reach as ever - a truly wonderful post.

It must be infectious this cleaning of the clutter business! I have been putting off cleaning one of our outhouses for over a year now, it got so bad that you could barely get to the washing machine. Anyway - long story short - we're having someone come round to fix our boiler/central heating today, so i had to clear the place out so that he has room to do his job. At the back of my mind i think i knew why i never wanted to clean this room. I knew there were a lot of guilty secrets hidden in its depths. It took 3 hours to get to a reasonable state of tidiness. But the reason for the procrastination was the history of my addiction. There it lay under the sink unit, behind the kickboards - an 'orgy' of evidence; used tinfoil (from when i smoked heroin), half a dozen used syringes (from when i resorted to mainlining), 6 empty & 1 half full bottle of illicitly bought methadone (from the times when i tried to taper myself), an envelope containing my 'Loan' approval, my credit card approval (from when my habit outgrew my salary), subsequent letters for the credit card company & loan company foreclosing the agreements due to lack of repayments (from when my habit outgrew the loans).It was almost like a geologist looking through the strata/layers of rock that formed over the ages. I could see my own descent. It was a shock to the system, like i was finding someone elses 'secret'. It was also very sad as i had an insight into what it must've been like for my wife finding these things out, like she did on many occasions (though it mustve been a LOT more traumatic for her, i know). Anyway - today i will take the syringes to be safely disposed of, the methadone bottles to the recycling bin - i have no urge or temptation to take any of the bottle with liquid in it either. The rest of the stuff i shall burn. Hopefully closing a door on that chapter of my life forever. And as i watch it all burn i will try not to dwell on past mistakes, but look forward to the life i have and have always wanted.