Discussions that mention morphine

Addiction & Recovery board


Dear everyone who was interested in my life story. It is already posted as a reply. I was the one who was having trouble withdrawing from xanax. Several of you asked me for my story. I made it to work today and I am very tired now after posting my life story and it isn't showing. I will try again to post it.
I started on pain pills when I started having pain and my gynecologist could not seem to find out what was wrong with me. He just gave me pain pills and ended up telling me I was a hypochrondriac aand telling my husbandit was all in my head. I knew the pain wasn't in my head!!!! I felt if I was going crazy. I continued to see physicians complaining about the pain and they kept prescribing pain medication. Finally , one day I seen a physician(gynecologist) that told me "You have a problem, it's not in your head." I was so happy, not to be sick but to know I wasn't imagining it. He immediatly scheduled surgery and was unprepared for what he found. I had Endometriosis all over my female organs plus on my bladder, kidneys, intestines and up my spinal cord. At the time I had it, they didn't know much about it as they do now but alot of the fault went to the physicians for being too busy to detect it. After the first surgery, they did a hysterectomy two months later, then six months later another surgery/ a total of seven surgeries and still did not get all of it removed.
During this time I was going to college at Chapel Hill (Pharmacy School). My doctor kept me in pain medication. I had progressed to taking Dilaudid as neede for pain (oral) not injectable. During this time my husband died of Leukemia from Agent Orange he had contracted from 2 tours of Vietnam. I had married him at 16 and we had a son a 11 years old when we discovered he had Leukemia and died in less than one month after being diagnosed. Here I was Sick, in college, my husband dead with a son 11 years old. It was more than I could take. I had never been on my own. I was scared of the dark. My son and I slept on a mattress in the living room so I could see both the back and front doors. HA! HA! It's true. Finally, my doctor gave me some Placidyl 500mg for sleep. I went to sleep and it was great. I began to take more than the prescribed dosage unaware of what I was dealing with it. After 6 months, the doctor said, "No More." I didn't sleep a wink for 5-7 days-my eyes wouldn't shut. I swore to never touch another sleeping pill and I didn't. Needless to say, somehow I survived, with God's help, my doctor and medicine. I graduated with honors from pharmacy school.
Then I moved back to Atlanta where I was from and went work as a pharmacist at Emory University Hospital Pharmacy. I worked on the cancer floor preparing chemotherapy, aantibiotics, morphine and dilaudid drips for the cancer and leukemia patients. My job was very important to me and yet I was still sick and took pain pills as needed. I worked there for nine years before the disaster of my life occurred! My son had gone off to college, I was all alone and had three unsuccessful love affairs-I wanted to be married again and then my Endometriosis got worse. I started taking more and more pain pills and one day when the doctor wouldn't refill them -I said I don't need a doctor to prescribe-I throw away enough Dilaudid and Morphine because the vials came overfilled. I started shooting it up aand my habit went from bad to worse. I was shooting up Dilaudid 12x 1-2cc daily. I descended into the worst Hell imaginable-I know that some of you can identify with what I'm saying. It was a nightmare taht cost me my job, not my license, but I can never work as a pharmacist again around narcotics. I went into a drug rehabilitation center. It took me awhile to put my life back together. Eventually, I went back to college annd started working for a doctor (Orthopedict). I write this to as a person whom needs help herself and not as a professional in hope that my story will minister to someone. I am not ashamed of what I did---I was in pain, both physical and emotional and I made a mistake. Had I not made a mistake I would not have the compassion I have for "Drug Addicts" or "Patients in Pain". Nothing worked for me but Methadone--it helped me get my life back together and functional and still I feel I have a ways to go and alot to learn.
I started taking xanax when I remarried-he would fuss at me when I didn't sleep and wouldn't lay still so he could sleep and he swore he couldn't sleep if I wasn't laying beside him. So my doctor prescribed xanax 1mg for sleep. I needed to sleep to instead of being so tired in the morning. I didn't sleep last night and my husband and I had a bad argument. I survived work today. But the weekend is starting aand it's going to be a long night. I have no plans for the weekend -it will be Hell-so I'm ready for any suggestions that will help me. Seizures frighten me but all of you have helped tremendously and I love you all for it. One thing I have discovered about drug addicts ---they are the most sensitive people in the whole world. I believe they have a problem handling all the pain in this world. It's like we are not equipped physically to do this -think about it??? Thanks to all of you who have answered my posts. To this week-end.

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I Care